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My husband did wonderfully at our homebirth with midwives this past April. I'm seriously considering UC for our next baby but am sure he wont be so enthused. He's a Paramedic and it did take a lot of educating before he was comfortable with homebirth. Although now he is a big advocate of hb.

What do you do in this instance? Should I broach it with him at all, or should I just have the baby and say 'oops' (like with the midwives?)

I'm not pregnant yet, but hope to be by the summer, so I have time.
 

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Dh isn't thrilled with a UC, I'm not particularly keen on a MW yet. I've tried education, I've talked about UC until I can't stand to hear another word about it, it goes in one ear and out the other. In the end I don't know what will happen. DH is fine with a UP, which I have been doing, and we have agreed to talk about it further after the first of year. I'm 22 weeks so I still feel like I have more then enough time. I don't know if I could have an oops UC mostly even though I make the birthing choices in the house, I still want him to be somewhat ok with it. And he drives me nuts enough as it is when I'm in labor, I can't imagine laboring when he is really freaking out. I also am not about to UC with my two DC there by myself. The road I've been taking lately is not to discuss it, I probably won't bring it up after the first of the year either, if he wants to talk more about it then I'm all ears.
So I guess I'm taking the gradual month by month approach!
 

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I don't see how one could rely on "oops" UCing without telling their partner that is the plan. of course, if you have a quick, easy labour, it could work, but after a few hours, at some point, a partner would surely want to call the MW, as "planned", right?

I'm a huge fan of open communication, so my answer will be coloured with that. I'd start out gently. rather than announcing "we're UCing", start with things like "wow, check out this article about UC" and "ooh, another one of my friends on MDC had a beautiful UC" and then move towards things like "I really love the idea of doing that" and "I'm thinking about UCing".
then you have open discussion. hear your partner's opinions, talk about fears realistically. read read read.

it sounds like if your partner was not into the idea of HB, but was eventually convinced and is now a big HB advocate, then he may be open to the idea of UC as well.

you have time.

IME, UCing with an unwilling partner is a huge challenge.
 

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how about hiring a "just incase" MW or doula? ask dp if you can try it on your own, but have someone you can call if you need anything extra. you don't have to use this option of course, but maybe it would relieve his fears of the "what ifs" of everything.
 

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Dh was uncertain. With our first he was tenative and then afterward (horror story) he wasn't so keen on it. We were lucky enough to be able to meet with Laura Shanley and her husand. I think talking with them helped him. He could see it from the mans point of view yk? We got to watch a video though and ended up gettingher book and dvd as well. He was still a it nervous but we had a lot of outside stuff going on (we were one of the couples for the UK documentary).

Maybe find a man he could talk with? Don't present it as a "my way or the highway" though. Men are biologically wired to "protect" and just like every thing else one persons idea of "danger" is another persons idea of "perfectly safe". I started out my pregnancy with DD2 doing it "it's my birth, I'll do what I want"...when I realized that wasn't working I figured out what his issues were and helped work through them. So many of us talk about needing to trust anyone present but I think HIS trust often gets overlooked. I can bully him into being on board but he's not going to trust the decision and where will that leave me yk? Anyhow, I think I'm rambling.


In the end, we had an awesome water UC. He wouldn't have it any other way now.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by OtherMother'n'Madre View Post
Dh was uncertain. With our first he was tenative and then afterward (horror story) he wasn't so keen on it. We were lucky enough to be able to meet with Laura Shanley and her husand. I think talking with them helped him. He could see it from the mans point of view yk? We got to watch a video though and ended up gettingher book and dvd as well. He was still a it nervous but we had a lot of outside stuff going on (we were one of the couples for the UK documentary).

Maybe find a man he could talk with? Don't present it as a "my way or the highway" though. Men are biologically wired to "protect" and just like every thing else one persons idea of "danger" is another persons idea of "perfectly safe". I started out my pregnancy with DD2 doing it "it's my birth, I'll do what I want"...when I realized that wasn't working I figured out what his issues were and helped work through them. So many of us talk about needing to trust anyone present but I think HIS trust often gets overlooked. I can bully him into being on board but he's not going to trust the decision and where will that leave me yk? Anyhow, I think I'm rambling.


In the end, we had an awesome water UC. He wouldn't have it any other way now.
I think this is FABULOUS advice
 

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I'm still trying to get my birth partner into UC. One by one I'm lending her books about it (unassisted childbirth, and unassisted homebirth: an act of love) as these books gave me so much encouragement. Things that you find inspiring, share them with him. A couple of the birth stories on one of the stickys brought tears to my eyes so I'll be showing them to my birth partner next time I see her.
In "unassisted homebirth: an act of love" there are stories from the fathers as well as the mothers so I would say that book would be a good investment if it gets him on board. Good luck!
xx
 
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