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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As some of you know, I am a FTM, planning a UC, and my baby is due in three weeks (anytime now....yay!!)

I was wondering, how many of you had a UC for your first baby, and is anyone else planning a UC for thier first?
I'm just wondering how common it is, and what other people think of it.

Also, I need some advice.
The truth is I'm terrified. Not because of the UC, but because of the unknowns of birth itself.
I try to be brave, but I have found that the closer I get to the end, the less strong I am in all emotional things. (I'm guessing that's pretty normal)
I sometimes want to cry, and I just don't know what to do to feel better.
I really feel that I am as prepared as I can be. I have read as many birth stories as possible, UC, HB, Hospital, C-section....everything.
I know the general things that will happen, and things that may happen, common threads throughout all births, and common emotions, things like that.

I trust my body, and I'm not afraid of the pain. I believe that if I let my body do what it needs to it really won't hurt, but I am prepared for the pain if it comes.
I feel very prepared. I just don't know how to get rid of this fear, and I wonder do I really need to?
I don't even know what it is exactly that I am afraid of, except that I just don't know what to expect. Is fear a normal part of the process? Is it because I'm a FTM?

Any thoughts?

~Moose
 

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I did not actually have a UC for my first birth, but I intended to. My parents are "medical", my mom is an RN and my dad was a RTT & EMT. They took over my birth and it turned into a "hospital" home birth.

However, before this happened. I was very young (19) and had not studied up on anything regarding birth. I just trusted my body to do what it needed without help. BUT, the moment my water broke, I decided that I did not want to have a baby any more and I wanted to go home!
: (I was at home, but that was my thought.) This fear of impending unknown lasted for an hour or two until I decided that I had no choice but to go through with having a baby!


So, I had the fear, but it passed and I delivered a happy healthy baby at home. (Just wish I had had my UC!)
 

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I went through some of the last minute anxiety ,I would call it, with my first birth, though I wasn't nearly as educated as you probably are. I didnt have the web to look things up on. I was 18 turning 19(10 days before my son was born) I was preparing for a hospital birth, with an OBGYN whom I really liked. My husband (at the time) was in Basic training for the Army national guard He left then end of Feb. and didnt come back until June! So I went through the whole end of my pregnancy with out much way to even talk to him cause they were strict. Anyway sidetracked a bit, point is I think it is totaly natural to wonder about the unexepected and things you have yet to experience in life, such as childbirth. I think the end of all my anxiety came right about 37 weeks...lol as that is when I was reading some buddhist books and everything just made sense to me that all would be fine and my body would work as it needed to in order to get the baby out. Birth is not something that you need to fear, just acknowledge the feelings that you are having and label them as thoughts and move on. I was doing a lot of mediatation and focusing on my posture and breathing at the time, so when I started to get theses feelings, that is when I told myself it was ok to have them, they were just thoughts and I refocused on my breathing and being in the present moment. It kind of sounds hokey I guess to some but it really did help me. Its great practice!
 

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*raises hand* Me! Me! We had a UC for our first babe and am sooo thankful we did. I think what you're feeling is normal.
I felt all those things especially towards the end.

I think your writing this post is also good, you're processing your inner thoughts, yk?
Maybe now is the time that you spend resting (omg if I could turn back time, that is the #1 thing i'd do more of at the end of pregnancy), taking care of yourself, doing feel good things, and celebrate your coming babe!
In hindsight, I would have prepared dp more for postpartum. He knew and understood that I'd need to just rest and focus on ds for at least a week, but I dont think he was really quite prepared to take over household stuff. He got overwhelmed which made us both frustrated. Neither of us were prepared for my postpartum hormonal changes (like the roller coaster of pg all over again!). So what I'm trying to say is to prepare for your own postpartum care and prepare your dh as well (unless you've already done this) and I'm not sure if you did any meal freezing but that saved us a ton.

On fear: I personally do think that as a FTM, fear is very common, and maybe even normal. Anything new or different or a big change can evoke fear in us. Some fear can be good, causing us to take precautions and get our ducks in a row, which I think is what you're feeling. When it becomes anxiety, or just plain overwhelming, I personally believe that there is something that needs to be addressed within the person, be it emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual. I think some of my fear was anxiety. Fear of circumstances played a role in ds's birth (only in hindsight I realize this). We were very unstable financially, and I didn't have ANY friends or family around to talk to...not that they would have been much help with their negativity about UC, and an unexpected fear of being trapped and having to "do it all". Plus I think a previous bad (abusive) relationship played a big role in my feeling like a "victim". Resentment towards dp that HE didnt have to go through any of this, even though he did, sort of. There are so many hidden aspects that could be producing your fear, and you're the only one that can truly decipher what the root cause might be.

Many blessings to you, and may the rest of your pregnancy be a peaceful, joyous one!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by kungfumoose
I sometimes want to cry, and I just don't know what to do to feel better.
I say open those flood gates and let er' out momma!
It is such a sacred rite of passage to birth into motherhood, I say welcome your fears as a sign that you respect the extreme power of the situation.. every time you feel overwhelmd you can think to yourself -DAMN straight- this is HUGE and i am the all powerfull momma bear.

Be in awe that you are capable of these extremes and carry that into your birthing. There is vast strenght in these days coming up to birth.. birthing and the time afterwards, Try to remember that you have all this power within and that without it you would not be able to have the bliss.

Fear of the unknown is to be expected, tr to remember that is mental.. and your body has always *known* what to do..
 

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I'm expecting my first in about 5-6 weeks- not long after you!

I think these worries and fears you describe are normal. There are definately days where I feel like crying and wondering just what I've gotten myself into here. I don't have the "luxury" of trusting a doctor or midwife to take care of me (nor do I have the luxury of allowing a medical professional to harm me or my child... but thats beside the point.).

Just thinking about the birth and visualizing how it will be helps tremendously. Each "daydream" is different because I don't know just what to expect. I visualize myself pacing the hallway, what it will feel like when my waters break, what it feels like to have a baby descending into my birth canal, different labor positions, who will catch the baby... what it will feel like to hold this new person in my arms for the first time....

This is the mental preparation. We're both physically ready to birth. We're both emotionally invested in this choice for how to bring our children into the world. We're both intellectually prepared in the mechanics of birth and how to handle different scenarios... All there is to do is wiat and let nature take its course.
 

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We had a UC with our first, and second, ...

mandy
 

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We had planned to UC our first, but it ended up being a managed home birth at the last minute. I still very much wish it had been unassisted.

All throughout the pregnancy I felt confident with my body and it's ability to give birth... and then my water broke and fear flooded my entire being. But then after an hour or so, the confidence came back. I think fear is normal and healthy (in moderation) especially for the mothers who are brand new.
 

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*raises hand too*

I think fear is normal too. Fear of the unknown....you can not know what labor is like til you've been there......but it sounds like you have a great attitude and are as prepared as you can be.

Best wishes.
 

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AW I remember all those feelings when I was pregnant with my first. Cry if you need to I know I did.
I didn't plan a UC with my first but I ended up having one anyway, YAY!! I think you don't need to get rid of the fear but just realize it's a part of getting so close to birthing (for a lot of us anyway) and since you do have trust in your body to birth I don't think your fear will hinder you at all (it didn't hinder me)!!
The bigger I get each time, the closer I get to birth each time I start thinking yeah this baby is going to have to come out of me.
I'm pretty sure these feelings are quite normal.
 

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Well, i am not a FTM, but this will my first time giving birth, instead of being delivered because i had my first two by section. I am looking forward to the challenge, but yes, i also have fear. As scary as the c-sections were and as much as i would hate to have another one, i briefly let myself entertain the thought of another one because that is what i know. But i won't let fear of the unknown rule me. I am preparing as best i can and acknowledging that that is the best i can do, and to just trust my body and baby. Blessings, Mama!
 

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I had a uc for my first and am expecting again in 8 weeks. I will have uc's for any future babies as well.
Honestly, I didn't feel any fear about the birth. Nervously excited would best decribe it. The only time I would feel any fear is when I would think about being violated and invaded if I transfered to the hospital. (Ive been through some pretty major sexual abuse, so this was a real issue for me)
During the actual birth, the only time I felt fear is when I hit transition and got that "omg I cant do this any longer" feeling. Now, with my second, Ill know that that feeling means that my baby is only an hour away and wont feel scared.

Ive heard from many women that the book "birthing from within" is a really good book for working through birth fears. Perhaps take a look through it?
 

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I had a UC with my first.Good labor and birth,9.6 lbs girl-now 7yrs old! Fears/concerns are natural given that various things could go wrong during labor.You just have to work through them otherwise there are times when that fear will lead you straight to an ER.Prepare for the unlikely.Like I had meconium in the water-know what color and consistency will most often mean,and then decide on a course of action.Know your local L&D and ER just in case you do need to transfer.

During labor you will find positions to be in that somewhat ease the pain.And don't have fretting people around you,lol.I spent most of my labor alone.Calling dh home at the end.And I kept him busy getting/doing things to keep his fears from infecting my mood.Best wishes!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I had a long talk with my DH and just acknowledging my fears has really helped. I guess that I was worried that if I talked about my fears with him, he could get second thoughts about the UC, and I wanted to seem firm, and strong in my confidence to do this.

He was actually really cool about it, and is very very supportive. I know that he's scared too. Poor guy, he doesn't even have a body that's telling him if things are alright. I can just trust mine, but he has to sit back and watch.

I am glad to see that so many other FTMs have done the UC route as well. I was starting to feel a little alone!

Thanks for all the advice.

~Moose
 

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Had I known how many FTM's were having UC's, I would have thought I could with my first. When I was pregnant with my first, I knew that having a UC was for me, and that I would do it in the future, but thought that I had to wait and experience labor and birth first. I really wish I had had a UC instead of a midwife assisted homebirth. I depended on her too much, and she didn't teach me or prepare me for anything. She didn't tell me there was such a thing as back labor, when I was having it, or what transition was, when I was in the middle of it, all sorts of signs that I see later were all reasons why she really wasn't needed. Of course I see now, that its my responsibility to know those things.

I feel comfortable handling all situations that don't involve transporting to the hospital. Therefore having a midwife seems a little pointless. It's all about doing what makes you feel the most comfortable, because that's when birth happens the smoothest. That's why UC's aren't for some people.
 

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I'm a first time mom and planning an UC (having a UP), but I'm only about 15-16 weeks along now.

I'm not at all scared, and neither is DH, which helps a lot. As long as I stay away from the topic with my parents (my father is trying to convince me I'm going to die if I UC) I'm great.

Its interesting for me to see that a lot of women get nervous toward the end. I'm glad someone started this thread, so that if I get nervous I won't question myself, I will just know that its normal and most do.

Sorry I don't really have anything to add- other than to add me to the list of FTMs UCing- but I do thank you for starting this.
 

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I'm was first time UC'er (and second) and I say definately get out all those fears, doubts, whatnot. Clear the cobwebs!
To me, labor creates so much energy, feeling, emotion that if the mind isn't clear and open, things can get ugly. Labor is conception and 9 months of pregnancy coming to it's triumphant climax. Pretty powerful stuff. Wish I would have known that the first time around, things could have gone smoother for me. I thought I could labor alone but my entire body knew I couldn't and I didn't. 2 hours after I asked my dh to stay with me while I was having contractions we were holding our son. I labored intensely off and on for 4 days. For the birth of my second son, I knew better, 2.5 hour labor, which went quick.

Only fear not having enough towels.
:
 
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