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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>Hey all, I'm new here. I have a problem. I decided to be honest when I finally knew that UC was right for me. I told my midwives. They said they could no longer legally look after me. It was upsetting to me because it isn't that I don't want or believe in prenatal or postpartum care-- it's just that I want to be left alone during labor. After lots of self-education and two birthing experiences of my own, I knew it was what I had to do. I HAD considered an "oops" and would have carried through with it, but something was telling me to actually go against that instinct and do it another way. I don't regret my honesty because I believe it happened for a reason and they even thanked me for it, but it didn't do me much good in the practical sense. Now I'm scared because I wanted some just-in-case plans, in the event that my UC doesn't go as perfectly as it should. In the event that I need a doctor or the baby does, I want an easy way of being seen rather than having to answer the Inquisition about where and who my caregivers are, why this baby was born at home, etc. I don't want to be treated like a criminal and I don't want that fear to cause me to hesitate should I have the idea that it's time to go to the hospital. I have been trying to find resources on UC friendly midwives and physicians but am not getting lucky in that department. My nearest hospital is 30 minutes away but my preferred hospital is 45 (normal driving speeds). Do you have any advice or help or resources for me? I want to have all my plans in line before the baby comes so I can remain confident in my choice. I am almost 33 weeks pregnant. Thank you!</p>
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
<p>Are there seriously NO thoughts on this? I know I'm a newbie here, but come on... enlighten me!  :)</p>
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<p>Laura Shanley didn't know anyone I could go to, and other UC advocates in North America didn't seem to have any specific resources to point or direct me to.... I was kind of hoping to come across a sort of "underground railroad" of doctors and midwives who would accommodate me. Seriously, nothing? Not even a few? Not even one? Not even 50 to 100 miles away? Anything?</p>
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<p>Also, I started e-mailing a doc at the nearest hospital of my choice, both for continued care and also just in case the need to go to the hospital should arise... he seems to not get it, trying to direct me to some midwives I already know... and, it can't be a good sign if he isn't spelling words correctly, can it? I don't think he's going to be able or willing to assist me, in any case. *sigh*</p>
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<p>Help???</p>
 

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<p>I'm sorry I'm really new to this as well and have no real advice.  Have you called other midwives in your area and talked to them? I hope someone can help you. :)</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<p>I have seen all local midwives. One set I dumped, one set dumped me.</p>
 

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<p>If it were ME and I did not have access to a hands-off MW for homebirth that understood my need to do this on my own-I would pick a care provider at my first choice hospital I really felt comfortable with and then plan accordingly.</p>
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<p>From your explanation of your situation it appears you need to decide what areas you feel most comfortable compromising on to get the birth experience you want and need.  You may need to compromise by seeking prenatal care at the hospital 45 minutes away so you have the smooth transition/back-up care you desire should you need it.  Perhaps pick a care provider that supports you in natural child birth and laboring at home for as long as possible?</p>
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<p>This way-should you "not make it" to the hospital it would not be out of the realm of possibility given your discussed plan for birth.  If you were to need to seek care at the hospital you would be met with more compassion than if you were <span style="text-decoration:underline;">not</span> already a known patient there with prenatal care history.  This sounds like the major portion of your concern and this is one way to eliminate it should you be ok with seeking prenatal care with a doc/MW there. </p>
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<p>Just my two cents.</p>
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<p>Mama to 3 babes and expecting #4 Jan/Feb 2011 at home with a Hands-off MW</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<p>Rosegarden, that’s precisely what I am doing and so far I am having luck. I’ve been anonymously e-mailing a doc at the hospital of my choice and so far it actually seems like he might be willing to work with me. Yes, I am still being honest about my home birth unassisted intentions with the professionals. No, I am not willing to compromise with anyone in my care plan since I know exactly what I want.  :)</p>
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<p>Well then, frankly, it sounds as though you are doing the best you can given your options and resources available in your area.</p>
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<p>Wishing you a wonderful birth!</p>
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<p>Mama to 3 babes and expecting #4 Jan/Feb 2011 at home with a Hands-off MW</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
<p>Sadly it would appear that you are right. Again, I was just sort of hoping for some sort of secret network of docs and midwives that people like me/us could go to, but it looks like nothing such as that exists. If it doesn't, someone should really create one... :)</p>
 

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<p>That's so sad <img alt="gloomy.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/gloomy.gif"> but unfortunately not surprising given the way midwifery is going.  I wish you could find someone truly supportive of women's choices.  What state are you in?</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
<p>Florida. :)</p>
 

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<p>Bummer!  Florida women really lost a lot of freedom from the midwifery licensing laws :-(  I don't know of anyone down there.</p>
 

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<p>No, no secret network that I am aware of unfortunately, after 5+ years in the UC community. I have really lucked up twice - with my first two, I saw a CRNP who was not a midwife but whom I had known for almost all my life, and I was straight with her. I didn't have a lot of prenatal care, but some basic, and she willingly did all of my paperwork for me so I could get my oldest birth certificate and such.</p>
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<p>With the OB I am seeing now, I was honest with her about how my first two were born, and she knows that the only reason I am seeing her now is because my youngest was stillborn and I need extra reassurance. I have told her what a fast birther I am, and her response was "Hmm... sounds like you might just not even make it to the hospital to deliver, eh?" And she giggled. She knows what's up, even though I have never come out and told her that baring any complications with the pregnancy I have no intention of going to the hospital.</p>
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<p>I don't think I would be brave enough to come right out and boldly inform an OB that I plan on UCing, because I have heard way too many stories on here over the years about midwives and doctors dropping you like a hot potato when you mention UC. I respect your decision to be honestly with your care providers, but I have no problem with omitting that bit of direct information if its going to make my life easier. Its not like ANY of them would come to your house if you were having complications, because they could lose their license in most states, and even go to jail in others.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
<p>Well I indeed WAS dropped like a hot potato by my midwives, even though I told them that what I was telling them was "off the record". I guess in the end, they couldn't act as though they hadn't heard me.</p>
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<p>I totally understand and respect your choice to not be upfront with people about your UC decision. I almost did the same thing. It's a matter of self-preservation, really. We all gotta do what we gotta do to get the best possible care. We, our bodies, our babies, our births, come first. I'd rather make a liar of myself than not get what I need, or deserve. :) The only reason I chose honesty is that I was feeling something inside that I had to listen to, telling me to be honest about it, and I heed my intuition. I am glad that you seem to have lucked into that doctor who knows what's up, though. That's good. LJ, if you don't mind me asking, what happened with Jack?</p>
 

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<p>Elizabeth - his birth story is in the birth story section if you would like to read it, but the cause of death was ruled placental insufficiency. There was a large retro placental hematoma - a large blood clot between the placenta and the uterine wall. I saw a midwife a few times during his pregnancy, and I even went for an u/s, because deep down I felt like there was something wrong. It was never picked up on - I was always measuring correctly, the u/s looked great and I didn't have any health issues. Even though deep down I felt like something was wrong, I tried to convince myself it was just second time jitters, since everything with my first was textbook perfect and super easy. I am really struggling with that a lot this pregnancy, learning to listen to and trust myself again. I may wind up with a hospital birth after 9 months of high risk OB care, but my natural inclination is to just not go to the hospital. Birth hasn't let me down, ever - just pregnancy.</p>
 
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<p>I have a hands off MW that is willing to help UC mamas in my area, she is the only one out of several MWs that will. I UPed during last pg and will this time, for DS's birth I paid her to come hang out downstairs for DH's sake, ( he is fine with UPing but is not down with a complete UC) our arrangement was I never had to see her if I didn't want to. She ended up not making it in time which  was fine by me, DH freaked out so we will try with the same arrangement again this time. My friend paid her to be on "stand by" at a neighbor's house in case she needed anything, she didn't and never even saw the MW. </p>
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<p>Other then that, I don't know of anyone else in my area that will help UC mamas, I don't tell medical providers my plans or what I did. I just say we are having/had a homebirth and leave it at that. Homebirths are fairly common here so it doesn't raise too many eyebrows and no one ever questions if there is a MW there or not, they just assume there is one. I am an RN, I know what most health care professionals think of parents like us, uneducated, taking a risk, etc... All my children do have some special needs so between my job (in public health no less!) and their needs, I know many of the docs in the area professionally, they listen to me and trust me when I say something, I am not willing to risk that trust by being honest about how I birth. I know how quickly people can go from thinking you are fine to being some "mental case" because of something you do or do not do regarding medical care, I have seen that far too many times. Just my 2 cents anyway. For me I do say homebirth so I feel like I am not lying, if pressed I will say I do my own prenatal care which most people assume it means actual care which actually I do nothing during my pgs, no doppler, BP checks, testing, nothing, but I figure no one needs to know that. I guess I feel I am telling the truth but just leaving out facts that I do not need to share. </p>
 

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<p>I hear you! Unfortunately, there is no easy way out of the back-up issue. Many people do not realize that even if they have a midwife, transfers can result in the midwife and client being blamed, even if mama is unaware of it. In the vast majority of transfers, midwives take a lot of crap from doctors and hospital stuff, and are often reported to state agencies. This may not all trickle down to their clients though. So, in terms of the emotional load of dealing with medical personel,  *if* you ended up transferring to the hospital as a UCer, you may not be worse off than if you were transferred by a midwife, unless of course you have one of those rare midwives who is greeted with open arms at the hospital.</p>
 

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<p>Elizabeth ask around locally if anyone has referals.</p>
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<p>I would try local tribe area here on Mothering. Other local boards. With local AP, Natural Birthing and Homeschooling/unschooling communities. Local Doulas. There must be women in your area who have birthed UC finding them might be challenging but it will be worth the effort.</p>
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<p>I hope you are able to find a supportive medical care provider that you are searching for soon.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
<p>Rio, my former midwives DID work with a hospital in the event of transfer. My home birth turned to a hospital transfer at the first signs of meconium in the fluid. These are the midwives who are no longer my midwives on this current pregnancy.</p>
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<p>Baby Bear, I don't have anybody I can ask around. I'm relatively rural, mostly keep to myself, and even amongst friends and loved ones I do not confess my true plans and feelings. Very few have heard me openly say I plan to go UC. But I could continue looking here and on other forums, you're right. I did PM and e-mail a couple of local to me ladies who I thought might be able to help. So far my best lead is still that doc who sounded like he'd help, but I do hesitate to call him back. I feel a sense of comfort, though, in knowing that if he were going to see me in these conditions now, that a hospital arrival to see him in an emergency would be handled relatively kindly.</p>
 

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<p>Elizabeth, what exactly are you needing? Are you hoping to find a physician who consult with you in labor, or who will agree to accept you at the hospital and attend your birth? Where are you?</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
<p>Read my original post in this thread. :)</p>
 
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