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Hi. I have been lurking here for a few months, and have been feeling that an unassisted birth is what I want for this baby and dh is on board. But I am having a hard time reconciling my desire for a UC with my love of having a circle of women to birth with. Does anyone know what I am talking about? Like giving birth with close friends who trust in birth and are part of my community and are coming together to support and celebrate the birth of a baby. But, by having them there, would I be losing the things that attract me to UC; privacy, intimacy of just having it be my family, absolute trust that birth is a normal, natural process that doesn't need to be messed with, etc. I am trying to become more clear about what I need for this birth and I feel torn here. Any thoughts?
 

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Well , I think you probably won't know until you are in labor. Both sound nice- a group of truly supportive non-interventive women there to watch, listen, hold, and soothe you any way you wish. But, curling up in to a little quiet place and shutting out the rest of the world sounds pretty nice too!
I suggest you make a list of all the pros and cons to each scenario- and keep it handy, especially during labor. This way, you can return to your list if in doubt about your choice as a reminder. Whichever has more pros, go with it. It might be what you truly want.

all my best
 

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I plan to have all my close friends at my UC (many of whom are men, but a couple women too). I have absolute trust that birth is a normal, natural process- and I know way more about it than any of my friends, so they couldn't help if they wanted to! I don't really need or want privacy. I don't close the door when I pee, ha.
 

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I think that a community of loving friends would understand your need to have the present or not, based on how you feel at the time. If a friend asked me to be available for her birth, then decided not to have me there or ask me to leave, I would totally understand. I'll bet most of the women whom you would want there would, too.

Lori
 

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My understanding of UC birth is that it is not assisted by a trained practioner in birth in any way, not that it is just the mother, or the mother and her partner... Maybe I got that wrong... I thought UC could involve a circle of people, but not medically trained people, or rather people working in that capacity in the labour or birth... My ideal is to have myself a couple of my friends, and maybe my partner and my boys (depending on the circumstances)... What would make it UC is that I wouldn't be attended by someone with medical training who would tell me what to do and when...
 

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For me I feel like I want to labour in private...alone with my partner...no one else in the house...I also want to birth alone but would love to have a friend or 2 come by afterwards and clean up, bring the children home etc. etc. That is my dream birth. If my house was bigger where I couldn't hear other people then I would be fine but my senses get so sensitive that hearing them whispering in the other room was so irritating to me.
I just want to be alone...that's my instinct in labour...
 

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Yes, it can. UC just means there are no medical personell available. When I had mine in 1989, I had my hubby, my best friend whose job was to remind me to go pee, and to check the baby's hr, and two single ladies from church who had never had children(one was 17) so they could learn what a normal birth was, cuz they sure wouldn't learn it from the hospitals there. Sometimes having extra people can drain the energy, and sometimes it helps.
 

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There is no rule as to what "Unassisted" means.

Technically it is generally described as having no paid birth attendants.

BUT...Some people UC with a midwife doing some pre-natal care and "backup" for delivery.

So, really there is no "agreed upon definition" or rules for that matter.

For many of the mothers who have UCed or plan to here at MDC UC world, it is largely about not being directed or "coached" or "midwived" by anyone other than yourself.

Some feel that they can remain fully in touch with their body and its needs while trusted friends "stand guard" so to speak.

Others find that they *listen* best when no one else is there, even their spouse in some cases!

It is about finding the way that gives you, the mother, the best chance for a fully empowered and intuitive birth.

Best of luck!
 

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I agree with Chiromom...
I was pretty sociable during my labours but once I was nearing transition I became withdrawn into my own inner space and I did not want distraction. My midwife (with Noah) totally respected this.

Unassisted in my opinion means just that: without assistance. As long as you feel comfprtable, safe and in control, it doesnt matter who is there. There is a difference between unassisted and unattended.

BTW - Its so cool that your dh is backing you up. Most men I have spoken to about UC think Im nuts....
 
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