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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone,<br>
I've been reading the stickies and gathering resources the past few days after finally making the jump from UC in the back of my mind to in the forefront. I'm hoping for a little support from you all as I go through this process from being 85% certain of UC to 100% certain. I guess this is also a bit of a brain/heart dump so that I can get my thoughts organized and feel "heard".<br><br>
I have not talked with anyone yet about this, just for the first time with Dh this weekend. I'm 26 weeks pregnant with #3. Thankfully Dh is very open-minded, although worried that he could have to deal with some serious stuff that he may not be able to do in that moment. I gave birth at home with MWs for my first and second, and decided to switch to a different MW for this birth but every time we've met for prenatals, although I like her a lot, I keep thinking "do I really need this person to weigh me and review a pee stick with me each month?" and "do I really even need/want her there while I birth?". There's just this grating feeling that this isn't the right path.<br><br>
Some background: in my last birth I nearly reached orgasmic birthing by beginning my labor using clitoral stimulation while I was by myself, but once the MWs arrived (even though I told them I would be doing that) I felt far more self-conscious. I did have a spontaneous ejection reflex with that one, where he was out in less than a minute with NO pushing from me - no tears, no swelling, nothing. I know that was because of the sexual stimulation that I kept up as much as I felt comfortable - but it fell considerably short of orgasm.<br><br>
So one of my main motivations for doing this birth with a "professional" is the privacy thing. I see it as deeply private, I can rarely even bring myself to orgasm with masturbation with Dh watching - much less someone outside my sexual relationship! I just feel like having her around would hinder my process greatly, and even if she were in the next room. And even so, in that case, what the heck am I paying you $3500 for then!? I feel that any need for outside help would easily be identified by me or Dh and we could transfer to the hospital in 10 minutes. I also live in a cohousing community where two nurses and a family doctor live. And, I sense that there's a lot we can learn in the next 3 months to be well prepared to handle just about anything.<br><br>
I do still have remaining concerns about the older children being there (3.5 and 2.5), but then again it's back and forth on that. I do consider them within my circle of intimacy and I don't know that I would be hindered at all by their presence (unless they were being demanding of me). After all we do cosleep and so it's not like those sensations/sounds have been all that far from their presence. It's really that I'm more concerned about the neighbor who we've asked to attend the children for us! I guess that's just a see-how-it-goes kind of thing. It'd be nice, in theory, to have the kids watch the birth . . . but then again it was nice in theory to have my mother at my first birth and I wish I could take THAT one back <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> Birthing really just isn't a spectator sport, YWIM?<br><br>
I'm also a bit nervous about the "public" response, the idea that people will think we're incredibly irresponsible and foolish. But, the "oops, didn't know I was that close to birthing" public face on it takes care of that.<br><br>
Pheew, thanks for listening. I do feel better. Just after talking it over with Dh I immediately felt a weight lifted - kind of like I did after we first seriously talked about homebirthing instead of fighting the hospital.<br><br>
If any come to mind, I would certainly appreciate your thoughts on my situation.
 

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Mama, do what you need to do! hat means not hiring someone (and saving $3500 to boot!) then go for it! One of the reasons I chose UC (for the first and am choosing it for this one) is b/c I wanted privacy. Birth is private, as is conception. Good luck! I know you'll find lots of support here, and I just want to offer you a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you so much for your support. I seem to always find myself somehow taking the road (far) less traveled. I don't have a problem with that at all as long as it resonates with me and this certainly does. Last night I went to my yoga class and I actually drifted off to sleep during our relaxation - and I am *never* able to turn my thoughts off quickly enough to do that. This I take as a clear sign that lifting the oppressive weight of planning an attended birth has very much positively affected me. My friend on the phone last night (who's in early midwifery training, a doula, teaches Birthing From Within, homebirther, unplanned UCer) commented that I sounded particularly relaxed and calm. She said of all people she knew (other than herself) she would say only we could do this. I also talked with our midwife, which I was a little nervous about, but she anticipated this from us and was actually very supportive. She offered to come out in the immediate postpartum to check everyone out and help with getting us settled in - not sure about that. And she also offered a "midwife in the other room or on the lawn" kind of approach - which just seems silly to me still. We will be doing one last "prenatal" visit with her to give us what she called a crash-course on all the things to look out for. I also see that as an opportunity to ensure we heal any hurt feelings and go forward as friends.
 

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It sounds like you're in a really good place and that everything is lining up well for a UC to take place!<br>
Congrats!<br>
Chelsie <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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