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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
my dd1 (5.5) is going through a rough spot of separation anxiety after being happy at her small progressive school all fall. (see my earlier thread in GD -- <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=551779" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=551779</a> .)<br><br>
she is a very intense, sensitive, persistent, cautious, imaginative spirit. she absolutely loved school this fall. i don't know what it is that sends her over the edge, but she had a similar spell last fall at a different playschool when she was 4. it's nothing going on at school like somebody being mean or anything. it's a very loving, nurturing, gentle atmosphere. she got a little scared at the school halloween celebration and then her fave teacher was subbing in another room for a bit, but now fave teacher is back.<br><br>
she keeps begging me to stay while she draws just one more picture in the morning or to read one more story. i stayed a long time this morning hoping that "just one more" thing would be the one that would make her feel okay about me leaving, but i think that might have just made it worse. i left her sobbing for me this morning and i just absolutely hate doing that. it just feels like the school version of CIO. i know the teachers will be gentle with her and try to help her feel better, but yikes she is hard to calm down once she gets going. does anybody have any tips for helping ease this transition? it was going so smoothly a month ago, but now she's just clinging to me and sobbing and begging me to stay. i've asked her to pick a friend to ask for a playdate hoping that would help if she could establish a closer friendship with a kid from school, but that will take a little while. any tips for tomorrow? it's a dreary day here today and raining cats and dogs so i'm sure that didn't lighten the mood any.<br><br>
i really don't want to go through this again tomorrow. she's just such a spirited kid emotionally that she's hard to talk down. it seems like it went on for two weeks last year and i'm not sure i've got that in me again this year, but withdrawing from school is definitely not an option. it's a great progressive private $$chool which we have already paid for. no refund$. plus she L-O-V-E-D <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"> it just two weeks ago. i know we can get through this i just want to do it the quickest gentlest easiest way.<br><br>
somebody tell me what to do!!
 

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picture books to consider reading to her so she knows this she's not alone:<br>
*oliver series, by phyllis root (oliver has anxiety about separation from parents)<br>
*little pig is capable (the parents have separation anxiety! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> )<br><br>
sorry this is hard, but it is a normal feeling for her age, says nothing about the school, and is just one of life's valleys. she'll be fine.
 

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sorry if that last post sounded harsh. i just reread your post. can she bring a favorite lovey with her to schoo? or a small album of family photos?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
thanks, piepie. i think what the spot i really need her to get to is "outta sight outta mind" so i really think a picture of me would only make things worse. she doesn't have a special lovey -- varies day to day , but she is welcome to bring things.<br><br>
thanks for your post.
 

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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FKissing-Hand-Audrey-Penn%2Fdp%2F1933718005%2Fsr%3D8-1%2Fqid%3D1162999756%2Fref%3Dpd_bbs_sr_1%2F002-6435159-0252000%3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Kissing-Hand-A...e=UTF8&s=books</a>
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
no kissing hand. i mentioned it last night at supper and dd1 burst into tears saying that would make it worse.<br><br>
had another bad morning. i think we need to go for a quick goodbye and get the hard part over with. we followed the plan dd1 and the teacher wrote up, but she was able to drag it out way too long so i think we'll need to modify it and make it shorter. i think dh might do the dropping tomorrow.<br><br>
thanks for all your replies.
 

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Would the teacher be able to immediately engage her in something engrossing as soon as she gets there? For a week, perhaps. You could tell your dd that for a few days you will stay a few minutes to watch her play with the teacher. Then tell her that for a few days you will wait a few minutes <span style="text-decoration:underline;">at the door</span> to watch her play with the teacher. Then tell her you'll stand <span style="text-decoration:underline;">outside the door</span>, out of sight, but still within earshot. You know, gradually get further and further from her over the course of a week or two.<br><br>
When my niece started school for the first time at the age of 6 (in Istanbul), my sil did this and it worked for a while. At one point she was telling her dd that she was waiting for her all day outside the school compound. SIL forgot one day and had changed her clothes during the day... dn noticed. The jig was up!! Dn then knew her mom didn't wait outside for her all day, but actually went home. Dn quickly came to terms with it and was okay after that.<br><br>
The only other thing I can think of is if you could help her to put her feelings in a journal. Nothing super formal, just the date and maybe draw a picture of how she's feeling. You could write messages to her each morning and she could take it to school. It could have your phone number in it and you could tell her she can call if she is feeling overwhelmed (if the teacher okays that). It could be something special to connect you without you being there, and you could decorate it with stickers and make a big project out of it.<br><br>
Well, those are my thoughts, whether they help any or not... best of luck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
thanks for the positive thoughts velochic.<br><br>
yesterday we had dh do the dropping off and that seemed to go better. i think she needs a definite goodbye, but not too much hugging or it just turns into cliinging. dh said after he read two stories and she drew him a picture he said good bye as she was signing in. he wanted a hug, but refrained and just said "i've got to go now. hope you have a great day. bye," and left. teacher reported that she didn't get sad after he left (he was afraid she did) and had a great day. she was clingy to him earlier in the process, but was able to refrain from losing it completely. i think we'll probably do daddy doing it again next week. today is a teacher workday.
 
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