[soccerchic21]

I dont know why I even visit mainstream boards anymore here is an aggrivating post below

Quote:

We have all gone in the OB office and seen them..you know..the people who you jsut wonder..."why are you having a baby?" Im not looking to get flamed, but its the truth. What have you seen or overheard that made you say that? I was in last week, and this younger looking girl was there with 4 other female family members and friends..no dad in sight. I think they were getting the big u/s, talking about naming the kid Dewayne of it was a boy. Plus the one pg person in the group came in late because her truck broke down and someone had to go get her. And the one in the nascar jacket kept talkin SO lound about everything.

My response:
Actually I never do. I think it is very rude to judge people especially when you don't know the cicumstances. Maybe the mother who is there with the three chilren and her mother had a husband that died in Iraq? Maybe a teenage mother was raped? You don't know what all of these people have been through to be where they are now. Hasn't your car ever broken down? Shame on you.

Then another post:

Quote:

I know there was some controversy started by what she said. But seriously people. I have had TWO instances at my OB office where I thought exactly what she thought. One time a young girl came in wearing an orange jumper, being led in by a guard, and she had handcuffs on! I mean come on, this girl was obviously not a great candidate for Mother of the Year. Second case, we ran into a woman who lives down the street from us. Pregnant with her 3rd kid by a 3rd man, going to school, not working. I mean, I'm all for people bettering themselves by getting better educations and all, but I'm sure the taxpayers are not only paying for her school, but her medical expenses as well. Sometimes people just should not be allowed to have kids, IMO!

my response:
Wow I am really getting sick to my stomach at the way people are acting here today. You know I had to have my wedding ring cut off the other day because it was getting too small and I would hate for any of you to be in the OB office judging me because I am young, pregnant with no wedding ring and god forbid if my one and a half year old were with me too right and my mom just happened to come to the appointment with me because my DH couldn't get the time off of work.

 

[Simply Nurtured]

Wow, how sad..... To be so judgemental. Reminds me of the words spoken by Jesus Christ about being so concerned about the speck in your brother's eye, but unconcerned about the LOG in your own.

"... Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye' ; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5).

And like my hippie dad always has said, "People in glass houses should not throw stones."

Both of which translate to Mind Your Own Business.

And I agree, there are cirumstances in these pregnancies that no one really knows about.......

I have served as doula for mamas who were alone.....

And so sorry about your ring.

I never could wear my rings when I was pg, too tight, used to put them on a chain.

I visited your website, your work is awesome!

 

[soccerchic21]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simply Nurtured And like my hippie dad always has said, "People in glass houses should not throw stones." Both of which translate to Mind Your Own Business. And I agree, there are cirumstances in these pregnancies that no one really knows about....... I have served as doula for mamas who were alone..... And so sorry about your ring. I never could wear my rings when I was pg, too tight, used to put them on a chain. I visited your website, your work is awesome!

Yes I agree and was taught the same thing. Yes I was so sad when my ring was cut! Dh got very upset too plus I don't have anything to put on that finger and they guy that cut it said it would cost $200 to fix it. WHAT! That is half of what we paid for it. I told DH we should just go buy a new one and he said no! The priest blessed that ring and we will fix it just shop the costs. I should have actually taken it off during my last pregnancy but didn't because I was finishing my last year of college and didn't want judgemental people to think I wasn't married

Silly.

 

[Hey Mama!]

I find myself biting my tongue quite a bit when I visit mainstream boards. I saw that attitude IRL when I was pg with my first. I was a 22 y.o. college student who looked much younger then I was, and like you I could not wear my wedding bands. So, I was shopping in Gymboree and got the most hateful stares from the older moms.

 

[valeria_vi]

I'm 25, but sometimes I look like I'm 16, I swear. My rings have fit so far, but I have already thought about others giving me judgemental looks and stuff down the line when they see me pg and on my look-like-a-16-yaer-old day.

 

[Simply Nurtured]

when I feel like I have to apologize on behalf of some "older" moms... Not all older mamas, some are really great, I promise.

What are they thinking? And who made them judge.

Thousands of people died in Asia, and more are displaced. I will be forever haunted by a picture I saw in the morning paper (USA Today) of a father in India, holding onto the hand of his dead 8 year old son. In the paper all you see is a close up of the father's face and little hand... I wept and am still.
http://www.usatoday.com/ under where it says Tsunami toll rises to 44,000, click on photos and go to #5. Not the same picture, but this is the family. Imagine that multiplied over and over, so many lives were lost. When a child dies, part of his parents die too.....

Off-topic, maybe... But who has time to judge?, all I have time for is to love.....

 

[Simply Nurtured]

Forgot to mention.....

When I was 20, I looked 15, especially if I went without makeup. We had our first child when I was 21.

Your post made me remember a time (This was nearly 20 years ago) when I took my 6 month old with me to a store. An older woman actually came up to me and was saying what a sweet baby, and asking if I was the babysitter, and I said no, his mom and she said, "THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY, BABIES HAVING BABIES!!!"

I was stunned. Truly. I did find my voice after a few seconds, and I asked, "How old do you think I am?" She said "Sixteen". So I just said, "I am 21 years old and married, too." She apologized and left, but I wondered if she even believed me.

 

[darsmama]

These are the same moms who probably won't even attempt to breastfeed for no other reasons then conveniance or because its 'gross', will leave their child to cry alone numerous times because that is what 'society says' to do, and will be so proud of their 9 month old when they finish a happy meal by themselves.

Sorry, I know I'm judging but honestly... My point is WE find those things absurd, they find them normal, so whats to be gained by judging anyways? Someones gonna see what you are doing wrong no matter what.

ITA with you Simply. That picture just kills me. I don't want to see it ever again. It's too sad.

(OT: You can donate items to most buddhist temples around and they will send them to them)

Katie

 

[soccerchic21]

Simply well said and I hope you made that woman think twice the next time she feels like making a rude comment.

 

[rareimer]

ugh, sickening. if there's one thing i can't stand it's people who think they have the authority to say who should and who should not be allowed to have children. i loved your second response, i bet that shut her up! :LOL

 

[shayinme]

Thanks for bringing this up, its my pet peeve as I am in a multicultural marriage and well people give dh & I the look sometimes. We had to go to our midwives back MD for a ultrasound and I felt there was definitely some starting going on. Here I am a dreadlocked black woman and my husband is white guy who from we have been told we don't look like we would be partnered.

: So the doctor seemed started when dh was trailing behind me for the ultrasound, thankfully she didn't say anything crazy. Or my favorite is those who seems to think we are just like close buddies who happen to be married.

: Its like whatever.

Really though who am I to judge who is a "acceptable" Mom or not. Same with those who judge young Moms, with my son I was 18 when I got pregnant with him and while that was 13 years ago I remember like yesterday those who used to stare at me. Being young does not mean you cannot be a good parent.

Heck, sometimes I wonder now that I am "real adult: will I be as hip and able to relate with the new baby as I am with my son.