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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm still kicking myself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh"> Today I was out buying some fruits and veggies at a little market down the street from us. The owners were PG and had there DS around the same time as us. The wife was not able to BF for reasons that I'm not really sure of as I didn't want to pry. She seemed a bit sad about it to me. I wasn't really sure what to say so I told her how it was definitely a sad thing and related how my sister had not been able to BF for long either. I feel like I should have been able to say something else but we don't really know them all that well and I didn't want to seem like I was trying to be overly nosy or something. Sigh...<br><br>
Then as I was walking back home this young man and young woman were remarking on how comfy DS looks in his Moby and everything and we got to talking for a minute. The young lady was PG and was saying how she was scared. I told her "Don't be scared, your body was made to do this!" When asked how old DS is my reply of 11 weeks got the usual raised eyebrows and "Boy is he a big guy!" type comments. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I replied how it was due to all the nursing he does.<br><br>
About a block after we parted ways I realized how I should have said something like "When you start BF your nipples can get really sore but it will pass," or "Your babe's gonna looove all that BM and it's <span style="text-decoration:underline;">free</span> to boot!", had a LLL leader's number to give to her, directed her to the website, given her my number, something, anything! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
God I suck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: I'll blame my brain fartings on the heat and the frustration of all I had to do today before I left the house. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/sulkoff.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="tiptoe"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: I need to have info packs or something already made up for when I leave the house that contains all kinds of info about BF, GD, vax, etc. so that when I get into conversations with people I can just casually be like "I've got some great info here about ___. Double sigh...<br><br>
OK, vent over... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Hey, don't beat yourself up!! Sure it would have been nice to offer some more info, handouts, whatever but I think you sent a great message and one that will stay with them. It's not often that people even mention bf'ing to strangers, let alone go out of their way to attribute their child's health and growth to bf'ing. Even the "little things" can have an impact and make a difference. I think you were very sensitive and supportive.<br><br>
As for what to say to the mom who stopped (or didn't) bf, well I think being sensitive to her sadness was the best thing you could do. There is no changing what happened now, but you validated her feelings. When I was struggling to bf my twins and ep'ing and supplementing, it was the (few) empathetic comments that acknowledged my *sadness and loss* that had the most impact. Often times other women just give the stock "well you tried, and your babies will be fine regardless" comment. Yes, that's (probably) true but it also dismissed my hardwork in a lot of ways. Maybe in the future you could follow it up with a comment about how some women aren't successful the first time but go on to successfully nurse subsequent children (me, for example), so that might put the idea in her head to try again should she have another child.<br><br>
And look, you promoted bw'ing too! I'd consider it a GOOD lactavist day <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Awww, thanks Beccah! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> I guess I just start thinking about all the milky goodness that can be had for countless babes and get all worked up. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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The fact that mentioned bfing at ALL deserves you some major kudos. Really. I've been in situations where even loud-mouth me feels uncomfortable relaying why my ds is so big, healthy, rambunctious, etc (and of course, it's mostly all b/c of nursing! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">)<br><br>
Next time you'll know to at least tell them about LLL. I think that's a really good thing - you can talk not just about bfing then, but about how things change when you become a mom and it's good to find a like minded crowd who understands your struggles.<br><br>
Anyway, I don't think you should be quite so hard on yourself. Do what you can in the moment - every little bit helps.
 

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I think you did fine. You don't have to be perfect everytime you meet someone, with a whole script planned. It's nice to have that info on hand, though, I agree. I think letting them admire your precious baby, see how healthy and content he is was a great positive thing for them.<br><br>
As for the lady who was sad about not being able to bf. Yes, I think acknowledging that sadness is the best way to go. I think if it comes up again, reassure her that being unsuccessful this time doesn't mean she's defective. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Just tell yourself that if they research babywearing they're bound to find out about breastfeeding. It's so difficult when you aren't perfect, isn't it? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamacatsbaby</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The young lady was PG and was saying how she was scared. I told her "Don't be scared, your body was made to do this!" When asked how old DS is my reply of 11 weeks got the usual raised eyebrows and "Boy is he a big guy!" type comments. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I replied how it was due to all the nursing he does.</div>
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I think this simple exchange probably had more impact than a box full of LLL info. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>phaeon</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think this simple exchange probably had more impact than a box full of LLL info. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"></div>
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ITA!! I really think that subtle, friendly lactivism goes the farthest at reaching people. My dad is a minister and in his training he learned about "meeting people where they are". If you bombard people with The Truth when they are not ready to hear what you have to say, you can end up making them confused or actually very resistant to your message. An effective "evangelist" is able to accurately assess what people are ready to hear and give them the message in a form that respects that and respects them as people. And if you're not sure, then you just let who you are shine through, and let that be the message, kwim?<br><br>
Sounds like you did just that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Quite a few women would have told her how hard being pregnant is, blah blah blah (it is hard at times!). I think what you said was quite good. You did really good, Mama. Don't beat yourself up!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Sometimes if you keep gushing on and on, it gets kind of scary and overbearing, so you probably did better than you think. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
nak<br><br>
thanks ladies! yeah, i usually try not to come on too strong b/c i don't want the person/people i'm talking with to put up a wall to what i'm saying.<br><br>
sometimes i feel like i should be doing more, yk, being supermama and all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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"Sometimes if you keep gushing on and on, it gets kind of scary and overbearing, so you probably did better than you think."<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: I think I scared a pregnant lady who wanted to know about my sling. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush">
 
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