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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Some may see it as morbid, but I am very interested in hearing stories of, or thoughts on, unassisted births before that 24-28 (or so) week mark. Recent discussions have made me wonder how I would handle it if I were to labor and birth a baby that does not have a chance of survival outside the womb. There is a certain bit of peace and closure I think I would only be able to gain from doing this at home. I am not currently pregnant (my last was UC), but I am curious about physical variations/complications/normal processes that occur with birth at that time, as well as emotional/mental/spiritual processes (and how this is different when handled in an unassisted form). I know this is a touchy subject, but any wisdom, knowledge, thoughts, or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. I do realize there is a loss forum on MDC, but I am wanting to hear from women about unassisted births, and therefore thought this would be the best place to bring up this topic.

~~~~I do realize that the *viable* mark is a debatable topic, but not what I am trying to bring up. I am speaking of birth before wherever that mark is *for you*.

 

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Well, I lost my last one at 12 wks. Is that what you're looking for?

LMK. I'll be glad to share my experience soon. (in labor now w/ full-term baby.)
 

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i think i count for this question, but you may disagree.
here's my story anyway.

i had a miscarriage feb of this year, and had been planning a homebirth. i decided when i knew for sure that the bleeding meant miscarriage that i would deliver the baby at home (i was 11 weeks) anyway, because i wanted to honor this baby with the same birth it would have if it were still alive. i found out at the subsequent ultrasound that i had a blighted ovum, but was told that i would still pass the placenta and fluids. keep in mind that for 2 days i was unaware that there wasn't a baby, and had all the emotions as if there were.
:

i went into labor about a week after we found out that it was a blighted ovum, and i had contractions for about 2 hours, the last hour of which i needed to breathe through and use my dh for support. there was alot of blood, and as soon as the placenta and sac came out, the pain stopped. i labored on the toilet, and as soon as the sac delivered (sorry if this is tmi) i picked it up so that i could open it and see for myself that there weren't any signs of a baby.
the sac was empty (and about the size of my fist), and i was very relieved.

i don't know if this is what you're looking for, but i'm 19 weeks now, and know that if i were to loose this baby, i wouldn't hesitate to um (a new abreviation!) at home.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Quote:
Well, I lost my last one at 12 wks. Is that what you're looking for?
Yes, I am.


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LMK. I'll be glad to share my experience soon. (in labor now w/ full-term baby.)
Oh, my goodness! Congrats!!!

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i think i count for this question, but you may disagree. here's my story anyway.
Of course it counts. Thank you so much for sharing... it must have been very shocking and difficult, but also relieving. BTW, tmi doesn't really exist in my world.
 

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i had a mostly unassisted mc (8 weeks) - i did call my midwife though, and she came to visit after with herbs and answered questions i had, gave me lots of love. i didn't have a d & c, didn't feel it was needed.
 

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I m/c a blighted ovum that measured 12 weeks at home at 20 weeks. It was just dh, dd and I. Very much labor (without breaks between contractions for the last hour)- though it thankfully only lasted about 2 hours.

-Angela
 

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I m/c a blighted ovum earlier this year too. It measured just under 6 weeks and I was 9 weeks along. I did it at home with my DH and dd. I remember going through "labor like contractions" for a couple hours, passing some clots then the next morning having one big contraction for like an hour and passing the sack..oh, it was sad to go through all that work with no baby in the end
: But it was a VERY healing experience for me. Going through a highly managed midwife assisted homebirth(I was uneducated at that time) that lead to a c-sec with my dd and then going through my m/c unassisted, gave me alot of faith that I can give birth naturally. I am thankfull for that experience even though I lossed a baby.
 

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Ugh. Still no full-term baby. I went to bed and the ctx stopped.
:

Anyway, I was 9 wks when I discovered I was pregnant, 12 wks when I lost it. It felt very much like a real labor and birth. Physically, it was painful. It felt like a fork had been stabbed into my uterus and was twisting.

I absolutely did not want any medical intervention (had already been to the ER for the bleeding - they confirmed the baby had died) and opted to continue laboring at home. I felt like home is where I needed to be and the hospital would just muck it all up.

After the birth dh saw it, dd was in the bathroom with me at the time so she saw it, too, then later ds saw it. We opted to put it in a baggie in the freezer until we could get out to my il's property in the country. We named the baby and buried her (I think it was a girl).
 

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I have never had to deal with this, and I'm very grateful for that. If I did, I would definitely stay home. I can't imagine having to lose a baby and try to grieve in the hospital with everybody calling my baby a fetus.
 

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I had a m/c last April (on Easter). I was 6 weeks along so not very far, but my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for ages so this was a very special baby to us. I started bleeding a week earlier so I knew it was coming. I just kept waiting and waiting and on Easter morning I passed a large clot which I can assume was the baby. We named her Noel because she was due around Christmas. I just had a feeling she was a girl. We put her in a little box with butterflies on it with a letter we wrote her and buried her in the country underneath a big oak tree. I had a necklace made with her name on it and wear it all the time. I am so glad that I had that experience at home because I would have hated to go in the hospital.
 

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recently had an early second trimester loss of twins at home.

I ended up hemorraging really badly and my blood pressure dropped to 70/35 and was lowering - i kept passing out - very surreal experience the passing out part. . .

i had called my midwife right before i hit transition and i'm glad i did - i told her i didn't want to do this alone after all - it was not an easy labor by any stretch of the imagination - because she arrived right after my first girl was born adn was with me thru out the 'scary' parts.

i personally would not recommend an unassisted m/c because esp after teh 10 week point there might be more complications - like i had - i am guessing i had a placenta previa in retrospect as the first girls' placenta had come out in shreds . . .

i was originally doing the miscarriage alone (well, I had my 2 young children with me) as my husband was working until midnight that night. my goal was to get it over and done before he came home so that it was 'over'. . .. but it didn't work out that way.

bettyann
 

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had an early loss in 2000. baby measures 6-7weeks but carried to 14. heavy hemmorahging afterward, but it was u/c and I refused to transport. Was one of those missed "abortions" and I labored and bled for weeks before labor. Labor was off and on for about a day. It was just dh and I and our oldest, who wouldn't sleep.
 

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Had five m/c's Carried to 11-13 weeks.The emotional roller coaster was far worse than the actual mc.

Had dreams with three of them of people telling me," good-bye mom I can't stay".Would wake up having an mc.Very surreal.
 

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I actually went through a very emotional/traumatizing experience not too long ago.. I started having cramps at around 6 weeks, along with a mucus 'ball' tinted with pink so I went to the er (since I didn't have a midwife yet). I had an ultrasound there and was told that there was no heartbeat. I was then referred to an OB so I could get a second opinion. He looked at my chart (refusing to do an exam or us because it was "unnessesary," though he said that I could, for my peace of mind, get a scan a week later) and told me that there was a 0% chance of this being a viable pregnancy. He suggested scheduling a d&c and taking some pills to encourage the process. I was heartbroken because I still felt that the baby was there and I 'knew' they had made a mistake. I was hysterical, and I felt like everyone, including my dp, thought I was crazy for not believing it. Anyway, I eventually (a week or so later) had another ultrasound ordered by a midwife and, low and behold, there he/she was! My beautiful little 'blob' with a perfect heartrate. So, here I am now, very healthy and very pregnant (due in Feb). I was horrified by that whole experience and I've decided to do whatever I can to stay away from the medical system (including trying to get my dp to agree to uc, since I feel weird doing it without his acceptance). So, as far as the origional question.. If I thought that my baby could be 'ok' then I would go to the hospital (before 36 weeks if I still felt fetal movements) but if I felt that there wasn't a chance for survival then I would much rather go through the process at home. I feel that the medical system would do little to nothing to comfort me and I would rather bring the baby into a peaceful environment. Just as I would want to birth a full term child.

-Sara

:
 

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I had a still-birth baby girl at 27 weeks. I wish that it had been unassisted at home. I was informed by the nurse at the hospital that very few nurses were willing to do this kind of birth. I was a burden in my situation apparently. I was given harsh drugs to speed up delivery and drugs to alter my state of mind...don't want those pesky emotions causing a scene in the hospital. I was so drugged up, I can barely remember what my daughter looked like. It seemed all so scary and surreal when I looked at her because of the drugs.

There was a lot of questioning, judgement and blame after the birth as well.
Would have been almost nice at home.

Lisa
 

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My twins were u/c births at home in February this year- I started bleeding lightly on the Tuesday and prepared to make my farewells, contacted my GP who arranged a scan for me- a full week later
: God bless the NHS. On the Friday night my uterus started working hard, and Brigid was born, at approximately 5 weeks gestation (by chart, I should have been 12.) We (the whole family) held her, loved her, marvelled at her tiny perfection and said goodbye, and thought that was it. The blood loss ceased almost immediately, which in retrospect should have been a warning.
The next morning I felt well enough to continue with my plans to go to an NCT training day. It was so, so hard being around so many pregnant women, but empowering in a way too- I got to hold a six-week newborn while her mummy had a toilet break, and it felt so good knowing that life goes on, even though Brigid's life hadn't. In the car on the way home, my uterus started working again. I got home, was on the phone to my mum (finally plucked up the courage to tell her about the miscarriage the day before) and felt a gush of fluid. Went to the toilet, saw that my pad, my pants, my trousers, everything was soaked in blood and felt the urge to push. A mass of cells a little larger than my fist was born into the hands, lightbulb-shaped and looking almost like a huge placenta. At this point, I freaked- in my reading on miscarriage, I hadn't come across anything to warn me that this could be a possibility. I sat, shaking, until my brilliant 8yo went and got the arnica- DH was out of the house at this point. Eventually, we pulled away at the mass and found Bride inside, about 7 weeks gestation, born in the caul as I had dreamt that she would be. The pattern of my labour, and particularly with the lull in contractions before pushing, matched my full-term (and prem) labours in every way, which I still find strangely comforting. The one regret I have is that I didn't know to expect twins in advance- no scan, no intuition, Nothing. It's a hard way to find out.

Rowan was stillborn at home in 1999 at 24 weeks gestation, after PROM and a cord prolapse. It wasn't a u/c- we were cared for by a midwife- but I can post her birth story if you want it.
 

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I was doing a rural paper route when I had my m/c at 14 weeks. I knew i was having a mc and I knew that I wanted my babies passing to be as peaceful as the begining.

I labored under a beautiful moon with a warm october breeze blowing in the country driving between contrax with all my favorite music to soothe me. It was a nice experience considering. After the final gush I just didnt stop bleeding and had to call an ambulance. my dp had asked me before I went on my route what I was going to do if I bled too much and I said I would drive to the hospital. i actually called him in a daze and said I was bleeding alot and couldnt drive anymore and he called the EMTs.

Everyone was so very nice that arrived to get me! one woman had had 3 m/c and was a big comfort. During the drive in the ambulance into town I saw the most beautiful sunrise ever! It was all blue and pink and yellow peach. I can see it in my minds eye so clearly. It was sureal to see something so beautiful and be so sad and scared at the same time.

They did have to turn o nthe lights and sirens since my bp dropped drasticly and at the hospital the mood changed and everyone was rude and cold and heartless until the OB arrived and bitched out alot of people for treating me so coldly. I had a d&c to stop the bleeding. I wish I could have just gone home after the babe passed and crawled into bed with my family but in recovery, my nurse had had a m/c 12 weeks earlier and had no one to talk about it with and so we cried together and I felt like it was all meant to be wether I liked it or not and that I helped her to heal a little bit. So it was bitter sweet and I still find myself doing a head count of my kids and having a twinge of panic when one is missing until I remember.

I truly felt like I wanted solitude for my babies passing. Like I needed to protect the experience somehow. It just didnt turn out as peaceful as I wanted but still pretty good.
Angela
 

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I m/c'd at 12 weeks, but the baby had growth issues so it was pretty small...I never saw it, but also didn't look through everything I was passing to see if the baby was in there.
I was VERY unassisted, my dh was across the country on a business trip and I had a 5 yr old, and 10 month old to care for while I labored and delivered my baby. It was very hard on me! It was the only time I ever let one of my kids CIO, and that was because my son was teething and screaming the night away, while I was in pain and bleeding a lot....I had to just put him in his room, shut the door and let him cry because I was an emotional wreck and couldn't handle it. My labor was around 8 hours and started when I was sitting with my dd laughing and felt the pop of my water breaking, I started gushing blood and clots immediately afterward. I'm coming up on 4 years since that day- Nov. 5th 2003.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thank you to everyone who has posted so far... I would prefer to be unassisted in this situation, as I would at this point with any full term birth. It seems to me this type of birth is handled as poorly in the hospital as a healthy, term birth... And that the hospital is also unnecessary in most situations.
 

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I miscarried at 13wks. My baby had died much earlier, probably around 7wks.

Here's part of what I posted in the birth loss forum last year:

I had the option of having a d&c immediately, or waiting to m/c naturally. Initially I chose the d&c, because dh was about to leave for a week long business trip and I didn't want to miscarry while home alone with the kids. I woke up the day before it was scheduled with the overwhelming sense that elective surgery was not a choice I'm comfortable with, so I cancelled it.

On July 3 my labor began. I'd had stop and go contractions for a few days, but no spotting or bleeding or anything, really. On the 3rd, I was spraying my girls with the water hose when a contraction literally knocked me down. The next came within a few minutes, and then it was on. Thankfully dh was home.

I tried to get comfortable in the living room for a while, but I gave up and moved to the toilet after maybe a half an hour or so. When I did, I started bleeding. I put a (leftover from my 5yo's birth) chux pad on the bathroom stool and sat there through contractions for the next 3 hours. (we changed that pad several times) Dh sat there with me. I bled a lot and passed some big clots. It hurt, but it was managable. Eventually I got to the point where I was tired and irritated and bored with the whole thing--it was like transition in a normal birth. I turned to dh and started swearing about how I was sick of it all, and in the middle of it I had a big contraction and the placenta shot out. It was about the size of the palm of my hand. The fetal sac was apparent, the baby was not.

Then it was over.

I ate and went to bed.

A week later I was still on the hormonal roller coaster. One day it was particularly bad; that night I had a pop and gush and passed some more placenta.

I had a normal-ish period a few weeks after that, but my hormones were still whacked. I cried and raged at random intervals.

A week after that period had tapered and ceased, I had a pop and gush and passed more placenta. That was extremely alarming, as I'd though I'd finished my miscarriage a month prior.

With that last pop and gush, my hormones returned to a baseline I can live with. Until I felt better, I hadn't realized how bad off I'd been.


I'm so glad I birthed that baby the way I did. I have a strong sense it was a boy. I named him and buried him.

I've since had a term, healthy baby UC.
 
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