Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 47 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
737 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
/open rant...<br>
UGH! Now that the word is out...let me just say, why can people not just say "Congratulations!" ??? Why must they make comments about how many children I have or what gender we were trying for? Last I checked people tried to conceive babies not a certain gender. I mean, yeah I get trying for a certain gender, but we always realize we may not get what we want, and a <i>healthy baby</i> will be what matters. I'll be happy if it's not kittens. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
Yes, this will be my fifth child. Yes I have four boys already. Yes I can count. Yes I have figured out what causes this "condition." (Can you believe someone would ask me that?!) I have yet to figure out why people can't just shut up. Is it anyones business if we were trying or not? Is it anyones business how many kids I have? Why don't they go and write the Duggers some hate mail? Or Jon and Kate? Or the Jolie clan? Anyone but me!!!<br><br>
I just don't get it why everyone and their dog thinks their opinion is so precious and valuable and they must absolutely share it for my benefit. We didn't announce our pregnancy. In fact we just decided to not really mention it at all and people would find out as they would-and we made this choice for this exact reason. Of course we told our kids, and immediate families-who had their own opinions and shock to work through...but now it's spreading...I'm not even logging onto facebook anymore, and my email has at least three "omg are you nuts?!" type sentences in the subject line.<br><br>
It's just sad and defeating to me. Even the lady at WIC today was so sweet and friendly until she asked if my toddler was my first, and I told her he was my fourth. "oh, so, you're going to have five kids?!" She was hasty and somewhat rude after that.<br><br>
I've been told now to hurry up and wean my toddler "so you don't have two hanging off your boobs" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> and to get him out of my bed now before it's a problem. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> I don't recall asking advice about that though...and how would my boobs and bed affect you miss acquaintance whom I've met once in real life from facebook? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
Seriously? I don't even know how to respond anymore. I just didn't say anything. It makes me sad that I have to defend myself, or not respond and be silent which somehow makes me feel like I am guilty of something bad? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I snapped back in one email saying that every child is a blessing, and after four miscarriages AND watching my brother and his wife struggle with infertility this last year, it made me realize there are people who would do anything to have what I have. And technically I'd have 9 kids. So I'm just feeling blessed and happy. She had the balls to email me back that No, if I had those miscarriages I wouldn't have been able to get pregnant with the kids I have now. REALLY?! She knows when and how far apart each time I've gotten pregnant? That's amazing to me!<br><br>
I need a shirt. It should say "Tell me congratulations or say nothing at all." I need about 10 copies of that shirt...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
I just knew that someone on here would understand, or perhaps some of the mama's who have larger? families would get it. Somehow once you pass two kids you are a "baby factory" open for destructive and rude comments....<br><br>
/end rant<br><br>
Thank you for hearing all my detailed painful experiences. They just all added up today and I'm feeling teary and emotional because of other people crapping on my life. Normally I don't feel the victim and I'm ok with setting good boundaries, but there's so many times when it comes up randomly from left field and I'm just stuck with it.<br><br>
I think I'm going to my preggy cell for the next six months in total isolation...although that in itself is kinda sad too. I don't feel like I should have to. Perhaps I just need a shirt that says "Don't talk to me. At all." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,914 Posts
*hugs*<br><br>
Congratulations! Every baby is a blessing. Too bad they are too grouchy to realize that. I realize now that people who say things like that, tend to criticize *everything* and lead miserable lives so it doesn't bother me anymore. I just feel sorry for them.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,767 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,637 Posts
I think this...<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Crispie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14649854"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"Tell me congratulations or say nothing at all."</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
is a perfectly acceptable facebook status update. And then leave it there for awhile. Sometimes people need to be told when they are being rude. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
737 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mischievium</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14650089"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think this...<br><br><br><br>
is a perfectly acceptable facebook status update. And then leave it there for awhile. Sometimes people need to be told when they are being rude. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br><br>
Oh yes. Yes. Yes...you are absolutely right! Thank you...
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,561 Posts
Jumping in from another ddc but I was drawn in by the title of your post. I totally agree! Sorry people are so annoying about that to you. I think often people don't even realize they are being rude or mean when they are. Anyway- I just was right in the moment, myself, of filtering other people's opinions about something I had just said that made me wish I had just kept it to myself. but I realize I guess people are just that way and to try and let their stuff roll off, or something. Congratulations on your pregnancy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,023 Posts
This is only my 4th, but I totally know what you're talking about.<br><br>
The only really snarky person so far was my husband's friend who started quizzing me on knowing what birth control was.<br><br>
Seriously, it never ceases to amaze me the personal things the public at large feel it's appropriate to comment on-negatively no less. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,992 Posts
Congrats on your pregnancy and sorry people suck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Heck, I am only on #3, first two being girls, and the lady at the store today says...."hope you can get a boy, then you can be done!"...I think I must have just stared blankly at her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
737 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>thefreckledmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14650239"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This is only my 4th, but I totally know what you're talking about.<br><br>
The only really snarky person so far was my husband's friend who started quizzing me on knowing what birth control was.<br><br>
Seriously, it never ceases to amaze me the personal things the public at large feel it's appropriate to comment on-negatively no less. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
omg. I just have to ask myself why? I totally don't understand...just after we told him, my BIL looked at my hubby and said "dude, snippy snippy" (implying a vasectomy) We have our own reasons for NOT doing that procedure which we have discussed before...and besides...when did my man's parts become his business? Even my DH who is the mouth of the family just started at him in response. There was nervous laughter, and I just thought "here we go...." -that was the start of telling the family. I'll save the other stories. It's just not been fun!<br><br>
I hate to say I'm glad about it, but I'm glad others are experiencing the same thing and I'm not crazy. I told DH I feel like a wet cat standing alone in a pen of hungry pit bulls.<br><br>
I did change my facebook comment to "yes we are pregnant, due in May 2010, please say congrats or nothing at all." The positive comments have been sweet and uplifting as well as this thread...I'm feeling much better. I want happy Zen around this baby, not all the negative crap. Thanks again for letting me "unload" I LOVE MDC! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> You guys rock when it comes to support!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
900 Posts
I'm sorry. People are rude and thoughtless and think every one of their ignorant comments are so clever. Once the general public finds out our news, it will be good times for all. Couldn't stand it last time, I'm certain it won't be better this time.<br><br>
I understand, vent away!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,782 Posts
I hope that your facebook update makes it clear tho those that see it that they are not to share their negativity with you! It is simply not right. I know we all say dumb things from time to time, sometimes not even meaning it, but clearly some of the people communicating with you are just unloading their own issues.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,397 Posts
I'm sorry mama. I'm due in May with baby #6, and I have had my fair share of nasty comments. Thankfully we have a large community of like minded friends, and we go to a church where large families are encouraged. I think I received more negativity when we announced #5 than we did this time. (maybe because we made it perfectly clear that we wanted a large family and would be having more so they better just deal with it)<br><br>
I know it's hard. You are so excited about your baby, and you just want people to be happy for you. It's really heartbreaking when they pee on your parade. I'm glad you changed your FB status. Hopefully some of them will realize how insensitive they are being. Unfortunately, I think it's just a symptom of a world where babies are seen as burdens and not as blessings. People are just trying to point out how unfortunate they think you are for allowing yourself to have so many burdens......instead of congratulating you for another blessing.<br><br>
Hang in there!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
519 Posts
I am having my third baby and I started to feel the weirdness this time around and know that this is the last time I will be announcing my pregnancy to people like its great news to share. I know that number four is where I really turn a cultural corner and become the freak. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I think the facebook status update is a great thing. Otherwise, just know that people say things partly out of ignorance...and partly because they're honestly trying to be witty and think they've thought of a clever humorous comment. You're doing a beautiful thing, giving life and love to another baby and who knows...some of the comments you're getting may even be covered pain and jealousy. If you need positive feedback, come here...we think you're wonderful and we're excited for each new piece of this babe's developement. Hang in there Mama! *hugs hugs hugs*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,350 Posts
I'm sorry people have been so rude to you- none of their business!!!<br><br>
It does remind me about something that happened to my MIL when DH was a preschooler.... DH was getting a little rowdy with his two older brothers while at the grocery store and some random guy took a look at her three little boys and asked her if she was done having babies! I still <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"> every time she tells that story...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,500 Posts
Im so sorry mama. I know what your talking about. I too need one of those shirts. I dont have many kids but I am a single mama by choice this time and I feel like why cant people just be happy for me. Just tell me congratulations and thats it. but no.... no one except my OB and my friends on facebook who are not that close to me have congratulated me. no one in my family has. when I broke the news to them they replied with "oh. so what are you gonna do?" What kind of question is that? what am I gonna do? IM GONNA HAVE A BABY YOU IDIOTS! IM GOING TO DO THE SAME THING IM DOING NOW BUT WITH 2 BABIES. IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? even my mom told me "dont expect a baby shower this time..." sheeesh people sometimes really.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,107 Posts
I did't read all the posts, but wanted to respond anyway. I'm so sorry mama. this just sucks.<br><br>
when i was pregnant w/B I had training in DC for 3 weeks, but had to drive home on the weekend for an ultrasound and BPP, I was around 34-35 weeks, I had only a round little belly. stopped for gas and a lady said "oh your adorable, is this your 1st?" to which i reply, Nope. oh, well your 2nd then, Nope 4th. she then replies w/must be your last then. I kindly reply with, Nope we'll probably have more. Then i get the look of disgust from her.<br><br>
I had a stupid lady in walmart (of all freaking places) see me, a kid in my belly, one holding my hand, dh w/the stroller and the big girls walking between us, give me a dirty look. Really, WTF, this was just on Saturday too. When i realized she was staring me down, i reacted w/what's your problem, but she was already walking away. DH laughed and said maybe she does't like big families.<br><br>
UGH, some people SUCK!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,500 Posts
oh that reminds me of something.... so my mom and dad adopted 4 of us kids and one day while my mom was getting us all out of the stroller some lady that happened to be walking by on the sidewalk thought that she would stop and give my mom a lecture on how she was contributing to over population by having so many kids and she went on and on. When the lady finished talking she said "all my kids are adopted." and the lady just walked away embarrassed. when will people learn to keep their mouths shut! even if we were her biological kids... so what!? her 2 cents dont matter to us!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,945 Posts
I'm really sorry those of you with big families have experienced such blatant rudeness. FWIW, it's totally cool for you to give them a stone face and say, "What a rude thing to say." Period.<br><br>
People do say ridiculous and unwelcome things about all aspects of baby-having. Somehow this is not yet thought of as politically uncorrect. We dealt with terrible infertility and people had all kinds of comments about that, each more ludicrous than the next.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,397 Posts
On a good note, as a mom of 5 (2 boys and 3 girls) I am reminded of how many times I am stopped by a complete stranger who will say something like it's nice to see a large family. Usually it's an older person. Just this last spring we were on vacation and having lunch in a restaurant. I noticed an old man who kept smiling in our direction. As he walked out he stopped by our table an whispered in my ear that we needed to have one more...a boy to even things out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 
1 - 20 of 47 Posts
Top