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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>captain crunchy</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I also don't agree with the sentiment that children have to know how the real world works so we should do ___ or not do ___ etc...<br><br>
Believe me, I am quite certain that my child is going to learn how the real world works without me making it tougher for her so that she will know that life isn't always happy and joyful. She will learn this the first time she sees someone spank, or yank, or yell at their child in public. She will learn this the first time a child pushes her down at the playground. She will learn this the first time someone has a comment about her clothing, or her hair, or her looks, or about her being a vegetarian. She will learn this the first time someone gives her a dirty look for simply being a child and doing what children do. She will learn this the first time someone tells her that she has a "fat mommy", or a Daddy who's hair is too long, or when she is listening to something like the Beatles when everyone else is listening to Britney Spears or someone like it. She will learn this the first time other kids make fun of her for not having the latest brand name clothing, or for being homeschooled, or for taking an interest in something that the "herd" is shunning that day. She will learn this the first time she gets treated like an insignificant teen by a power-trippy boss at her first part-time job. She will learn this when a boy (or girl) she likes doesn't return her affection. She will learn this when someone she thought was her friend stabs her in the back. She will learn this when she may not get accepted into the college of her choice. She will learn this when her Grandmom or Grandpop or favorite animal dies....the list goes on and on... I am not suggesting that ALL these things will happen to her, but it is pretty likely that at least a few will, or similar situations that will "teach" her that there are ups and downs in life and that things don't always work the way she, or any of us, would like.<br><br>
While she is in my home though, and even when she leaves, she will always know that she is enveloped in love, understanding, kindess, respect, and acceptance...and that the people who love her the most will do everything in their power, short of moving the heavens and earth, to make sure she knows that despite all the ugliness and dissapointments and trickery in the world, that it is still a beautiful place where she can learn to be fufilled, secure, and happy despite all of it.<br><br>
I believe the foundation of that is how we treat her in the years where she is deciding just how to view the world.</div>
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Beautifully said. I'm weepy... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
I remember when DS was about 18 months or so, and he was still pretty rough around the edges in the sleep department. I was a mess; tired, worn-out, perhaps slightly psychotic? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut"><br><br>
At any rate, DH was having a phone conversation with his sister one foggy (as in brain) afternoon, and was relaying our frustration. He wasn't looking for answers, just simply telling it how it was--I believe we were declining an invitation to visit. Well, SIL made a comment to DH about how perhaps it was time for some "tough love" (as in CIO) to which, DH explained nicely, yet firmly our committment to gentle parenting, and then a few tidbits about just how incredibly damaging such practices can be. Then, SIL went on to say that we were going to have to learn to put ourselves first sometimes, and that DS will need to learn that life is just not always going to be that easy." To which DH eloquently replied: "There will surely be plently of opportunities for DS to learn just that, but we're not going to be the ones to teach him those things. We're the people he needs to come to to make sense of things, for comfort from that cruel world." <i>Indeed!</i> I believe he also added something to the affect of, that we wouldn't have become parents if we weren't able to accept that sacfrices had to be made. We would have have just settled for the cats. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
Off topic, but I'm happy to add here that this really resonated with SIL. She doesn't have children of her own and as the oldest in DH's family and mom having passed away, she does tend to "mother" us sometimes. Truth be known, what she said was out of concern for my state of mind more than anything else, but is was interesting how easily she dismissed DS's rights in the matter, missing just how little control he had and how much we had and shouldn't we use it? Until DH made these comments to her that is. DH's family in general has been right good about allowing themselves to be convinced of another way of doing things. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
The best,<br>
Em
