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Okay, there really isn't a tribe yet....but there will be if the interest is there!<br><br>
I'll just start out by telling a little about our family, and how I came to appreciate UP. I'm a SAHM with 3 kids. I was raised with "the belt" by my dad and when I lived with my mom there was no physical discipline but more a lack of <i>any kind</i> of discipline. When I had my first child I knew I did not want to spank him. I was at a loss as to how to discipline though, so I made lots and lots of mistakes. Time-outs seemed the "gentle" thing to do, and I never questioned the concept at all. When I read about it in UP, it was quite honestly hard to read. I had been doing this for almost 5 years, along with yelling, shaming and who knows what else <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> This kind of thinking is so ingrained in me, it's really hard to change the way I do things. My husband is also in complete agreement with the book and the changes that must be made. Doing it is the hard part. DH is a very infrequent poster on these boards but hopefully will participate here.<br>
Please tell a little about your family, and what brought you here. I look forward to lots of insight from others here...I have so much to learn!
 

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I'm reading the book and trying to implement it, but I am really struggling with some anger and control issues (and garden variety ppd). My kids are:<br>
1)almost 3 yrs and<br>
2)7 months<br><br>
I can't get dh to read it but I'm taking notes and he's agreed to read a summary when I prepare it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">: guess that'll do.
 

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Thanks SO much, Pigpen! I'll be back...
 

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Hi all! I'm a frequent lurker on the GD board, but infrequent poster. Dh and I just read the book about a month ago, and it totally revolutionized our thinking. However, we still struggle with getting our mind around parts of it. (For me, a good test of whether or not I get something is if I can argue it to my family--all very sharp and strong-minded people who tend to make it seem as if their way is the only way. If I feel like I can meet their questions/"logic", then I fully get what I'm talking about. But I haven't even broached the topic yet since sometimes the concepts feel just out of reach.)<br><br>
Anyway, my dd is 8 months old. Can't wait to get talking! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah">
 

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I'm here too! I read UP a few months ago from the library, had to return it, bought a copy, and dh & I spent awhile reading through it together. One of our biggest challenges right now is helping each other remember things 'in the heat of the moment' without coming across as overly critical. Have any of you figured out good ways to do that??
 

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I just finished reading the other thread, and am still on Chapter One but I really really like this book. Ds is 3... 'nuff said! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I am sold on UP.....but I wouldn't want Alfie Kohn looking over my shoulder or anything <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">. I am still working on changing idea and theory into practice and reality, lol.<br><br>
I was really comforted when I got to the part of the book (I think it was the part where he thanked everybody?), where he quoted his wife as watching him parent and occasionally saying "What would Alfie Kohn say about that?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><br><br>
I guess we are all working toward the goal, huh?
 

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Pigpen said:
Time-outs seemed the "gentle" thing to do, and I never questioned the concept at all. When I read about it in UP, it was quite honestly hard to read. I had been doing this for almost 5 years, along with yelling, shaming and who knows what else <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> This kind of thinking is so ingrained in me, it's really hard to change the way I do things. QUOTE]<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Pigpen, this is exactly why I joined MDC. I haven't done much posting in the places I should be; was really looking and looking to see if a kindred spirit would appear and I could shrug off my ego and insecurities and dig in.<br><br>
I'm trying every single day to evolve my parenting. I have a 5 y/o dd who has borne the brunt of my mis-information, anger and control issues and a 13 month old dd whom I REFUSE to make the same mistakes with.<br><br>
My mother was a spanker and a screamer and my father was a non-entity. Luckily I didn't inherit the spanking gene...<br><br>
Dh is amazing and supportive and is reading UC during his commute. We too would love some tips on remembering what to do in the heat of the moment!<br><br>
Thank you for starting this tribe.
 

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Not to be slow or anything (or maybe very..it is late after a LONG day).....but is unconditional parenting a book?
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I wish I had more time to post right now but I'm so excited to be able to talk with like-minded moms and dads about this!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/partytime.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="partytime"> WE GOT US A TRIBE HERE!!!<br><br>
I really have so much I want to talk about...just not able to post at this time. More later!<br><br>
SHK, it is a book by Alfie Kohn...here's a thread about it, <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=269724&highlight=unconditional+parenting" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...onal+parenting</a> <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Peace.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Peace">
 

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I'm here, too. While I'm also on the yahoo group, I can find that format hard to navigate sometimes. Either way, I'm just glad there are more who are supporting this book.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SHK</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Not to be slow or anything (or maybe very..it is late after a LONG day).....but is unconditional parenting a book?</div>
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Yes, SHK, it's a book, by Alfie Kohn. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Don't be embarassed, it's an honest mistake anyone could have made!<br><br>
You can check out some of Alfie Kohn's articles at his website: <a href="http://www.alfiekohn.com/" target="_blank">Alfie Kohn</a>
 

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Love the book. Love to talk about the book. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Hi. Very glad to join in. I'm in the process of reading the book and really am loving it too. Next, I am going to try and get DH interested. I believe, from our numerous discussions, that we are on the same page on many things, but want to work together more clearly.<br><br>
I agree with a previous poster that I want to be able to explain it as well, not so as to get justification from others, but because that helps me understand it better too. I generally write about things and then, if I can do that, I have often found my understanding. I'm sure this tribe will help with that.<br><br>
Also, this book fits in well with some other ideas I've been following like Nonviolent Communication (<a href="http://www.cnvc.org" target="_blank">www.cnvc.org</a> and more books to read, since we all have so much extra time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> ) and certain Buddhist ideals. (Mostly stuff I've been following my whole life, but which motherhood has very much brought back to the forefront of my mind.) Doing my best to find a way to be authentic and live my values. Alfie Kohn's research and ideas seem so helpful with this.<br><br>
Looking forward to chatting with you all. Perhaps we could think up a general topic once in awhile to foster discussion. I also like to hear and discuss our various individual dilemmas, but sometimes that gets overwhelming in these threads.<br><br>
Anyway, thanks PigPen! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap">
 

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I just finished this book this morning and consider it the most revolutionary book I've ever read. Ever page made me want to become a better parent. I have a 2 year old and a newborn and I have definitly made some mistakes. My gut told me that punishment was not right, but coming from a very strict mother and a culture of consequences I often ignored my gut. This book has given me permission to be the kind of parent I want to be. My fears of being overly permissive have vanished. I have asked DH to read it and he says he will...we'll see if it really happens. The hardest part for us will be not praising. We both had VERY criticle parents and we go crazy with praise as a result. I am happy to have this forum for growth and support.
 

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Septmom-- On the praise issue. One of the reasons we praise our children is because sometimes we are so delighted by what we see. I mean, if a child finally learns to ride a bike after working hard to learn, we're happy. So sometimes we say stuff like, "Good girl! You're so smart, so briliant, so athletic! " when we really mean, "Dang, babe! You can ride a bike! You worked so hard and you can ride a bike now! How are you feeling about that?" and we can also say "I am feeling so happy for you!"<br><br>
What I mean is, we can still be delighted, but now we can say what we really feel. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb">
 

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Count me in. I read it a couple of months ago and dh is currently reading it very s l o w l y....... I want to read it again. I have anger issues and that is the most difficult thing about trying to apply it all of the time. But I am getting better..... I have a VERY spirited, non-sleeping 2 yo girl. She is a delight and very smart, but wow can she pull my strings. I needed a book like this to help me learn to deal with this. My biggest issue is not "withdrawing love" when I really want/need to....even for a few minutes. I have a very hard time controlling my temper and I often have to step away to get under control so I don't spank. I haven't yet, but it is a daily struggle. That was the only discipline tool my mom used. I am trying hard to keep the situation in perspective so I do not have to try so hard to control my temper. We would like another child but we HAVE to get the temper (and dd's sleeping) under control. Not that we can control her sleeping <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But you know what I mean.....not having another kid until I am getting at least 2 hour chunks uninterupted (anyone know if a parent can stay in the college dorms to sooth thier kids to sleep?).<br><br><br><br>
:LOL
 

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Discussion Starter #20
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Patchfire</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">One of our biggest challenges right now is helping each other remember things 'in the heat of the moment' without coming across as overly critical. Have any of you figured out good ways to do that??</div>
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We have the book lying around the livingroom at all times...if one of us needs a "gentle reminder", the other one will just <i>look</i> at the book to make the point. :LOL
 
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