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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am almost done reading this book by Alfie Kohn and although I think the author has some good criticisms of traditional discipline (time-outs and reward systems), I am having a hard time finding implementation ideas in the book.

For example, how would you use it with a very physical child, who automatically hits or kicks when he gets angry? Any ideas would be appreciated.
 

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My non-traditional "time-outs" occur in my arms..........my ds isn't removed from me/my love but he's physically stopped from kicking or hitting more. We also talk a LOT about the concept of empathy (not using that word, but the concept)....it HURTS when people get hit/kicked.

Also, we got my son into karate.........it gives him a legitimate place to kick and hit! Now when he starts to kick and hit, we tell him to save it for karate. (Little boys have lots of energy that we have to channel constructively!)

Also, kids need words for being angry.......so I'll say to him, "I see that you're angry" in a non-judging tone of voice. I tell him it's ok to hit the couch if he feels that he needs to hit when he is angry.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ksmeadowlark
I am having a hard time finding implementation ideas in the book.
I really dislike UP. Not the message, but the book itself. Not only is it devoid of practical information, making it most useful for those already well versed in techniques to help keep them calm and measured, but it's also written in such a way as to induce the maximum guilt in those of us who aren't perfect.

There are a few books I've found to be much more helpful: Hold on to Your Kids (not so much on practical advice, but UP without the unrelenting guilt), P.E.T and Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline (Don't be put off the by cover, it's the reason it took me years to get around to it... it's a wonderful book). Throw in Playful Parenting and the parenting skills toy chest is pretty much full.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by A&A

Also, we got my son into karate.........it gives him a legitimate place to kick and hit! Now when he starts to kick and hit, we tell him to save it for karate. (Little boys have lots of energy that we have to channel constructively!)

At what age did you start karate?
 

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Thanks, UP was rather guilt-inducing. He made some great points, but when I was 75% of the way through the book and only knew what I was doing that was *wrong,* I knew there was a problem. I really felt as if I were left hanging.... I will check out the recommendations at the library this week!!!!
 

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As I said in the GD forum last week, I have a bit of a love-hate with the book, because I agree with it all in theory but I am having a heck of a time getting it into practice, which makes me feel guilty and like a bad mom who knows better. Being an idealist/perfecitionist, I have a really high standard set for how I want to be with my kids, and I'm just not getting there. I'm also really enjoying Adventures in Gentle Discipline, though it mostly deals with younger kids. I think I need to check out the "Easy to Love" one.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ksmeadowlark
Thanks, UP was rather guilt-inducing. He made some great points, but when I was 75% of the way through the book and only knew what I was doing that was *wrong,* I knew there was a problem. I really felt as if I were left hanging.... I will check out the recommendations at the library this week!!!!
Kids don't seem to be very resiliant in Alfie Kohn World. It gets wearying just reading about how to avoid damaging them for life as opposed to reconnecting, regrouping, learning from your mistakes and forging ahead... imagine how wearying it must be to actually be him. I want to have authentic relationships with my children; this requires me to be a fully fledged person, faults and all. I don't think I'd be setting a good example by their seeing me walking on eggshells all the time for fear of breaking them.
 
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