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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
My little girl is growing up and starting to become self conscious about her body... mainly her chest.

At the end of last school year the other girls started teasing her telling her she needed to get a bra. I figured it was time to get her some of those T-shirts that only go about 1/3 of the way down her trunk but when I pointed them out in the store while we were back to school shopping she said "NO WAY!" and explained that one of the other little girls in her class wore one of those last year and was teased endlessly for wearing a "BRA!".

So what is the appropriate under attire for a growing 10 yo girl? I was going to get her some tank top style undershirts but we live in a pretty warm climate and wearing cotton under attire isn't all that comfortable (I wear polyester undershirts myself).

Are those little shirts with straps instead of fabric shoulders called camisoles? I looked on amazon but the girl camisoles are either cotton or expensive. Are their any silky smooth camisoles that aren't cotton and don't cost a fortune? Or should I get the tank top style undershirts... that are mostly cotton... :-(

In the past we usually bought nice stylish tops for school. This year she elected to go more with T shirts instead of tops if that makes a difference in under attire?

Please help a single father that knows nothing about girls undergarments! :grin:
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you but she isn't that developed. Her classmates that said she needed a bra were just being mean little girls and making fun of her. Luckily she is a pretty confident little girl and doesn't get too worked up over such teasing. If I got her on of those sports bras she would not wear it because of the teasing the other little girl in her class got for wearing one.

What is the difference between a camisole and a slip? She just needs a little extra layer of comfortable fabric so things don't show through the top layer of clothing.
 

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Thank you but she isn't that developed. Her classmates that said she needed a bra were just being mean little girls and making fun of her. Luckily she is a pretty confident little girl and doesn't get too worked up over such teasing. If I got her on of those sports bras she would not wear it because of the teasing the other little girl in her class got for wearing one.

What is the difference between a camisole and a slip? She just needs a little extra layer of comfortable fabric so things don't show through the top layer of clothing.
Where I'm from, a camisole is a sleeveless undershirt. It goes only to the waist. A slip is either a lightweight underskirt, or a lightweight underdress. More modern usage for camisole includes cotton tank tops with adjustable elastic straps, often with a built-in shelf bra.

Little extra layers of comfortable fabric do not prevent things from showing through, generally, which is a fact that your daughter will develop more awareness of fairly soon probably.

You seem to have opinions about what your daughter needs, but have you asked her? The one thing you've offered (the sports bra) was rejected - unsurprisingly, as those can be pretty uncomfortable. (They help a lot when you're exercising, but if you're just going to school, you probably want something with less of a death grip on your torso.)

My experience with junior high was that there was a very rigid idea of what was acceptable and what was cool, and there was almost no privacy for changing out for gym, so things could get awkward fast. Your daughter probably has a very clear sense of what, if anything, she wants, and you should take that into account. Don't necessarily go for it - sometimes the standards set by pre-teenagers are ludicrous - but give it consideration.

And really - find a trusted woman who can take her on this shopping trip. She is having a whole set of experiences that you, by virtue of being male, did not have, and which she may find it difficult to explain.
 

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I agree that asking her, and enlisting the help of a female adult mentor as appropriate, are good ideas.

But asking her may not give you any help. She may not know what she wants. She may not know what is going to be acceptable to her peers. She may be experiencing a lot of ambivalence: wanting to be grown up, but anxious about taking the next step into adolescence, especially if she's one of the first amongst her peers. That's sort of where I was left with my eldest dd. She was too ambivalent about what was happening to her body, too mortified and self-conscious to discuss what she wanted with me -- if she even knew. I knew she was self-conscious about her breast buds, but I could not for the life of me get her to tell me what would help.

So I provided her with what I thought she would likely want and need someday, even over her protests ... and just left it to her to quietly decide when the time was right to move ahead.

So in your case if your dd is unable to help you out but seems to want something, especially if she's refused to provide input while shopping and refused help from an auntie or friend ... I'd just go out on my own and buy a sports bralette or two, and a couple of lightweight polyester-elastane camisoles, and some roomy tank tops for a breathable layered look, and a cheap 30AA or 32AA "training bra" (what a stupid term!), and I'd say "I know you might think some of these are stupid, and you might never wear any of them and that's okay. But if at any point you decide you want to, you won't have to ask me or make a big deal out of it. They'll just be in your top dresser drawer."

I'd be willing to bet that in the privacy of her own bedroom, she'll try everything on. Maybe over and over as the weeks and months roll by. And she'll decide when the time is right to start wearing any of it to school etc.

And I'd just watch the laundry... and when those sports bras or whatever start showing up in the dirty laundry, I'd casually ask, on the next clothes-shopping trip, "oh hey, do you need any more sports bras?"

Oh, and another option might be to encourage a sort of baby-step-towards-bra-wearing with a layered tank top, the kind of shirt that looks like two shirts but sewn together. Usually the outer one is drapey while the inner one is more form-fitting, and the combination, while not exactly like a bra, provides much of the same coverage and comfort, and might help her get used to the idea.

Miranda
 
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