[Wildflower411]

Hello. My son started at a new M school about 3 months ago. I looked around at 4 local M schools and found this one to be most true to M and among other reasons became our choice. However, I never felt 100% about it because I didn't click with the exec director or the main teacher/director (they are related). But I REALLY love Montessori!!!

I was hoping to get feedback on 2 of my concerns....which I do plan on discussing with the main teacher very soon.

1: The main teacher (he's a man) will shout at the kids, single them out if they misbehave. I've seen this a few times and felt very uncomfortable. For example he will bark "HOW RUDE, X". I've seen the kids shrink when this happens. (I actually ruled out another school because I witnessed teachers shouting across the room at the kids.) To me this seems to go against M philosophy.

2: There are only 3 older children in the school and they are all kind of wild/aggressive. One has been telling my son (3.5yo) that tigers/lions/bears will eat him. He had my son in tears Friday because he told him he was going to bring a tiger to school to eat him. I was proud to see my son go up to this boy, all from his own initiative, and ask the boy not to say that to him anymore because it scares him. On this, I am wondering if a M teacher has responsibility in discussing with older children how to act with younger children, not to be scaring them etc. My DS has even had nightmares about this and asks if it's safe when we take a walk in the forest

That being said, my son does enjoy going to school and the entire M experience, and I want this to work out. It's just the whole mommy-gut thing.....

Thanks you so much for reading!

 

[MattBronsil]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildflower411 I was hoping to get feedback on 2 of my concerns....which I do plan on discussing with the main teacher very soon. 1: The main teacher (he's a man) will yell at the kids, single them out if they misbehave. I've seen this a few times and felt very uncomfortable. For example he will bark "HOW RUDE, X". I've seen the kids shrink when this happens. (I actually ruled out another school because I witnessed teachers shouting across the room at the kids.) To me this seems to go against M philosophy.

(Video I thought of right away to go with that).

The ironic thing - I find saying that rudely to be...well...rude.

Quote:

2: There are only 3 older children in the school and they are all kind of wild/aggressive. One has been telling my son (3.5yo) that tigers/lions/bears will eat him. He had my son in tears Friday because he told him he was going to bring a tiger to school to eat him. I was proud to see my son go up to this boy, all from his own initiative, and ask the boy not to say that to him anymore because it scares him. On this, I am wondering if a M teacher has responsibility in discussing with older children how to act with younger children, not to be scaring them etc.

The teacher's number 1 responsibility is to make sure the students are and feel safe. So yes, if the teacher knows about it, it is our responsibility to address it and try to put a stop to it.

Quote:

That being said, my son does enjoy going to school and the entire M experience, and I want this to work out. It's just the whole mommy-gut thing..... Thanks you so much for reading!

From what I can see, you're right on both points. I'm not at the school, though, so I can't say much for certain.

 

[Aufilia]

Yikes, I can see where you're concerned. Both of the things you're calling out seem like trouble signs to me. I would not be comfortable with teachers barking at children in almost any circumstance except immediate physical danger, and I would definitely not be happy to hear that older kids were intimidating my child. In fact I would be concerned about a school where all older kids (even if it's only 3) are acting "wildly" within the classroom, as that would suggest to me that the environment in general is not promoting a peaceful atmosphere in the classroom.

I'm not an expert, just a parent.... but I would maybe consider looking for a school with a better classroom atmosphere, even if it was less strictly Montessori.

 

[BCFD]

As a Mommy, I can totally understand why this would concern you! In our school if the kids are getting a little loud or out of hand, the teacher will simply ring a little bell. That signals the children that she wants to say something. The other day I heard the bell ring and then the teacher is a VERY gentle voice say, "Children, it's getting a bit loud in here. I would like to see everybody speak with their soft voices. Could you do that? If you are using your soft voice I am going to walk around and tap you on the shoulder." OMG the kids giggled and got quiet and for about a minute the teacher walked around complimenting good soft voices. Then everything went back to normal. Honestly, it was amazing to watch.

I have seen a couple teachers at our school get a little gruff with some of the kids, but it's still done in a loving manner. It's hard to explain. I can give you an example. One of the teachers there uses this type of sentence, "Joey, please stop sitting on Jake. I do not like this behavior. (Joey pays no attention to the teacher and continues) JOEY! Do not do that! Did you leave your ears at home this morning (this usually makes them laugh and then say "no" and touch their ears). Then the teacher will say, "Ok, my boy...then you can hear me. Please return to your place in the circle, legs crossed/ fingers laced/go back to your own work rug/etc." To a new parent this teacher REALLY turns some people off. I have a friend at the school who has already spoken with the owner and has said that her child will NEVER be in that woman's class. Personally, I have a hard time dealing with her as a parent, but she is a wonderful teacher that the children love. My oldest started in her class and still talks about how much she loved her.

Can you hang around the classroom as a volunteer? Maybe offer to dust off some of the job shelves or something?

Or go in during a time that could be chaotic, like a transition before or after lunch or recess. I have done this in the past and it will give you a true sense of what the teachers are like.

Not to defend your son's teacher, but maybe he was just having a bad day? It's no excuse to yell at a child, but maybe he was really stressed out. Maybe you could pull him aside and simply ask about what you observed. And as for other kids in the class teasing your child, definitely bring it up. My dd told me the other day that one of her friends (she plays with this little boy allllllll the time) upset her because he threw bark and it hit her. That was two months ago and for some reason it really bothered her last week again. I mentioned it to the teacher asst. and she said, "We'll talk about good behavior at recess at circle today. Maybe that will make her feel better." She hasn't brought it up since.

Children just want to know they are being heard and will be kept safe, so absolutely approach the teacher. You may also try to get to know that child's mom/dad and mention to them what is happening.

 

[Wildflower411]

Thanks everyone so much, I so appreciate it. The thing is, it seems to me that the teacher is often stressed out....we pick up after lunch every day but I don't get to see how the school hours go.

this very morning my son brought this up out of the blue (upon waking). He said the teacher doesn't say please and when my son told him he should say please, the teacher said "I'm a grown up - I don't have to say please". Now I get it about the not encouraging the student to be correcting the teacher, but we are trying to model how good behavior.

I guess I'm coming to the conclusion that the atmosphere just isn't right, and I guess we see that in the teacher and some of the kids.

There's another school, not as close, that goes up to age 9 that I've been wanting to look into - I guess now is the time

 

[BCFD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildflower411 this very morning my son brought this up out of the blue (upon waking). He said the teacher doesn't say please and when my son told him he should say please, the teacher said "I'm a grown up - I don't have to say please".

WHAT??????????????

Oh, wow...I would definitely bring this up. I know Matt has said many times "if you don't believe 90% of what they tell you, I won't believe 90% of what they tell me" - or something along those lines.

However, I tend to believe my children on issues like this.

Seriously, if I ever heard my child's teacher say something like this to my child or ANY of the children in her class, I would pull them out that very minute. That is harsh and extremely unacceptable in my eyes.

 

[MattBronsil]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildflower411 Thanks everyone so much, I so appreciate it. The thing is, it seems to me that the teacher is often stressed out....we pick up after lunch every day but I don't get to see how the school hours go. this very morning my son brought this up out of the blue (upon waking). He said the teacher doesn't say please and when my son told him he should say please, the teacher said "I'm a grown up - I don't have to say please". Now I get it about the not encouraging the student to be correcting the teacher, but we are trying to model how good behavior. I guess I'm coming to the conclusion that the atmosphere just isn't right, and I guess we see that in the teacher and some of the kids. There's another school, not as close, that goes up to age 9 that I've been wanting to look into - I guess now is the time

Yeah...definitely check on it. I usually thank children if they remind me to be polite.

 

[BCFD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MattBronsil Yeah...definitely check on it. I usually thank children if they remind me to be polite.

Every time I let a belch slip out my oldest dd says, "Mommy, that is not very polite. You have to say excuse me!" and I always say, "Oh, that one slipped out. Excuse me. Thank you for reminding me of my manners."

 

[MommaSuzi]

I can't help but think that perhaps the teacher thought the child was being a bit "sassy". I know many grown-ups who don't believe it to be appropriate for a young child to correct a teacher's manners. Perhaps the context was that the teacher had instructed a child to do something, and while "please" might be nice, it might not actually have been necessary. Maybe the response of "grown-ups don't have to say please" isn't exactly accurate but what the teacher was trying to convey was more of "This is important, and I need you to do it, I should not HAVE to say "please" in order for you to do it and you do not have to correct my manners."

 

[MattBronsil]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MommaSuzi I can't help but think that perhaps the teacher thought the child was being a bit "sassy". I know many grown-ups who don't believe it to be appropriate for a young child to correct a teacher's manners. Perhaps the context was that the teacher had instructed a child to do something, and while "please" might be nice, it might not actually have been necessary. Maybe the response of "grown-ups don't have to say please" isn't exactly accurate but what the teacher was trying to convey was more of "This is important, and I need you to do it, I should not HAVE to say "please" in order for you to do it and you do not have to correct my manners."

If you don't believe 90% of what they tell you, I won't believe 90% of what they tell me..... (Just wanted to point out I was saying my comments in context of what statement, which was already said)

 

[BCFD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MommaSuzi I can't help but think that perhaps the teacher thought the child was being a bit "sassy". I know many grown-ups who don't believe it to be appropriate for a young child to correct a teacher's manners. Perhaps the context was that the teacher had instructed a child to do something, and while "please" might be nice, it might not actually have been necessary. Maybe the response of "grown-ups don't have to say please" isn't exactly accurate but what the teacher was trying to convey was more of "This is important, and I need you to do it, I should not HAVE to say "please" in order for you to do it and you do not have to correct my manners."

This is a really good point. Just today my dd said, "Mommy, Ms. X from the other classroom didn't say please before she took some of the easter eggs out of our classroom." I had to laugh because I'm sure it wasn't like Ms. X was being rude and just taking the eggs. But to my dd it appeared that way.