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So this started to come out on a couple of other threads on this forum, but I'd like to have discussion as a separate thread for reference when if someone might need it. I'm not sure whether to start with worse case because some birth workers seem to be having a bout of that right now.<br><br>
Can we work back toward a disappointing birth later?<br><br>
Here's the question how do you care for yourself as a birth worker when the family has an unexpected outcome? I'm not asking about how you support the family, but how do you recover from such a thing?<br><br>
Worst case scenario first-what if the baby dies?
 

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When I attended a birth with an unexpected outcome:<br><br>
I journaled, I wrote, I talked talked talked talked to people who were safe. I'm pregnant now and I still talk about it with my midwife. I talk about it with my therapist, who is a former Marine, even though I know he doesn't quite get it. I just need to talk about it with people who are safe.<br><br>
I am not over it, but I'm more at peace than I was.<br><br>
A midwife I know made a mistake early in her career, like 15 years ago -- nobody died, but it caused a complication -- and she told me that sometimes she cries now thinking about it, 15 years later.
 

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Thank you for this thread. My experience with unexpected outcome was last week. The baby died. The parents are dear friends of our family.<br><br>
This thread is timely for me, but I don't want to hijack it for personal support. Let's keep the focus on caring for the birthworker.<br><br>
At this time I am finding it most helpful to talk with the doula friend who attended the birth with me. If I had been alone at the birth, I would have called another doula right away. I've also talked with another birthworker friend whom I trust. I'm not talking with people I don't trust completely, because I don't know if I could censor myself appropriately.<br><br>
Right now I am relying heavily on my partner for help with the things I usually do around the house. I have him buy groceries and run errands.<br><br>
I exercise my body daily. I screen my calls. I let my kids watch tv. I don't worry about the confetti and yarn and various craft supplies that cover my living room floor.<br><br>
I remind myself that when it is time to do the next thing, I'll know what that thing is and how to do it.
 
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