Mothering Forum banner

unhappy with boyfriend

802 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  amymarie
I am not a single parent but I day dream about it lot...I am very unhappy with my boyfriend who is dad to my dd...I feel family loves my bf and wants me to marry him...they say I need to think about dd first...but I can't help but think about my own feelings...for you single mamas who made the decision to be a single mom what made you do it? Part of me thinks I should stay with him for dd but then theres another part of me that wants to be happy again...I feel like I am following my moms footsteps...she stayed with my dad for us and they ended up divorcing anyways...
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
I left the father of my 2 year old daughter when she was just two months old. He was seriously verbaly abusive to me and it was very unhealthy to stay in that situation. He loves her very much, but does'nt make an effort to see her. You should ask yourself some questions like do i love him? Are you staying just for the child? If the love is not there then it is not fair to either one of you to stay in the relationship. Your child will definitly know and sense if you are unhappy. Try hard to make the relationship work if it is just petty issues though, make sure you counsel and talk it out!
Thanks Rasmamma for the reply and advice...I do love him but I feel the love is love you feel for your friend or family...not romantic in any way. I am definantly with him only because of dd. I will ask him tonight if he wants to try counseling...I just want to do whats best for dd and me...but is that possible?
If youre not happy, youre kids wont be happy, so staying with your boyfriend for the kids sake doesnt make sense.

I raised a son on my own.........(I was widowed and in my early 20s) and though it was hard, it wouldve been MUCH harder trying to maintain a relationship that was going nowhere. You'll probably get more help with the kids being separated anyway.....

though its your decision.....any reservations on your part now is something you should be paying attention to! Listen to your intuition! It will always give you good advise!
I believe you have to take care of yourself first.
Like another poster said, your daughter will know you're unhappy.
Is that really what you want to teach her? To stay somewhere or doing something that makes you unhappy for the sake of someone else?
You owe it to yourself and dd to find what you are truly looking yourself, your relationships, in love.
It can be a struggle to be a single parent, but there are lots of rewards too. If you can keep things amicable between the parents, I really believe you can offer so much to your child.
Good luck
I try to stand back from the situation and see it from the outside... it's hard to do, but I have to ask myself if I would want my child to be in that kind of relationship... makes it a little easier to see that way. So, would you want this for your daughter? If the answer is no, you know what to do. I hope that you figure it out and that everything works out best. I do believe that YOU need to be happy with your relationship, that is what's important for the kids.
Thank you so much for all your advice...I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life...did any of you seperate for a little while to see if thats really what you wanted? We have been together a long time and I feel so dependent on him for money,support,etc. It is so hard to let go of someone even if you are not happy. I am greatful for this forum and all of you strong mamas...I love reading how you did it and are happy about the desicions you made.
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.