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I was at a dinner with my mom the other night out at her country club (mistake 1) and the baby was home with his dad. It was one of my few "nights off" ever so I was relishing it and trying to talk about things non-baby. Well, this woman sitting next to me found out (my mother wouldn't stop talking about the baby) that I have a son and wanted to give me lots of advice. She has an adopted 2-year-old daughter that they adopted at 2 days old. The conversation was going alright until the advice portion started...

She began explaining to me that I don't need to baby-proof my house at all, I just need to discipline DS when he "acts out" by whining or trying to touch anything. She said to use "pat-pats" which is her nice lovely word for spanking. I'm of the
: camp so this was bad enough. THEN she tells me that I should start using "pat pats" with DS as early as possible. She said she started using them at SIX MONTHS OLD. SHE. SPANKED. A. SIX. MONTH. OLD.

WHAT?!?! I had NO idea this happened. Ever. How do you discipline a six month old? What a ridiculous concept! Is this prevalent? Have you ever heard of spanking a six month old? I don't agree with spanking EVER but an infant???

I had no idea what to say so I just said that her ideas were very interesting. WWYD in this situation, mamas? I'm still dumbfounded almost a week later.
 

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I have had a conversation like this, sadly.

I think I'd ask if the adoption social worker knew about the infant spanking and warn her kindly that it could be a cps issue to do this much less talk about doing this in public.

I believe that spanking a child under two is illegal in my country, though.
 

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Never heard of it until I hear of the Pearls.... That's illegal in Canada.
 

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with my eyes wide open I would have said, "you ARE kidding right?" and if she said, "oh no blah blah blah"
I would have said, "that really sounds horrible let's talk about something else"
 

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Probably nothing. I don't think that anybody who is willing to advocate infant spanking to a complete stranger would be receptive to hearing any advice to the contrary.

I'd like to be proven wrong though.
 

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When my son was a baby, I used to bring him over to his Biological Father's family's house, to visit that side of the family. Starting when my son was 5 months old (he was a very active baby), they started telling me I should smack his hand if he reached for something I didn't want him to touch and that when he wanted to be held all the time, I should either put him in a playpen or in a highchair and "let him cry, until he figures out I'm the boss". I told them I would never lay a hand on him or neglect him, and they offered to do it for me, and I "don't have to look- I can go outside. We stopped visiting them.

Honestly, if was out having dinner and a stranger started talking to me about how she "pat-pats" her toddler and how I should do the same with my new baby, I probably would have told her exactly what I felt about "pat-pating" a child.
 

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How do you know pat pats was spanking, maybe it was just tapping their hand to get their attention without any corporal punishment going on????
 

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Ugh. I'd ask whether we met the same idiot, but the woman who advised me yesterday to use "pat-pats" to make my five-month-old lay still while I was changing was telling me how effective they were with her friend's son -- and what a happy, loving baby he was even though he was "pat-patted."

Um, yeah. Well, I'd like to keep my "happy, loving baby" complete with her innate sense of curiosity unhampered by "pat-pats."
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mommato5 View Post
How do you know pat pats was spanking, maybe it was just tapping their hand to get their attention without any corporal punishment going on????
That's what I was thinking too. Not that it's the approach I would take, but maybe it really IS just a pat to get attention. If that is the case, though, I hope it isn't warming up for real spanking later on!
 

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My cousins apparently use the pat-pating thing and think it works wonderfully. My mom does, too. My mom tells me that she used to spank me (not pat
) if I wiggled when she changed my diaper and that she didn't babyproof and just spanked me every time I did something wrong.

We don't have a good relationship AT ALL. I wonder why.

I would do as harleyhalfmoon said and tell her what I thought. If a complete stranger is willing to tell you that, I would be happy to tell her otherwise. At the same time, I agree with Sharshana that she wouldn't listen. My family never has not listened matter how many articles I send them.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mommato5 View Post
How do you know pat pats was spanking, maybe it was just tapping their hand to get their attention without any corporal punishment going on????
This is what I was thinking. I did not babyproof with my daughter either, she was just taught not to touch things that did not concern her. I did not stay in the house constantly and I did not need her going to other people's houses and tearing up their stuff. I would tap her hand lightly to get her attention. That worked for me. But every child is different and every parent is different. My son seems to ignore me totally when I tell him not to touch something but I certainly will not be whipping out the belt for my 7 month old. I Just have to figure out what works for him.

Anyway, in regards to how to deal with her I would have asked what exactly a pat pat consists of and if it was truly spanking would have told her how sad it was that her child was adopted by people who thought violence was a good form of discipline for an infant.
 

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Um, choice between running around my house smacking my baby whenever he comes near a lamp cord or outlet, or just babyproof. I'm lazy
, I go with the babyproofing. Pat-patting sounds a lot like the gateway drug to wuppins.
 

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I never babyproof. Anything breakable was always put up high out of curious hands reach. If we went to someone's home, I would divert attention.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Kappa View Post
Um, choice between running around my house smacking my baby whenever he comes near a lamp cord or outlet, or just babyproof. I'm lazy
, I go with the babyproofing. Pat-patting sounds a lot like the gateway drug to wuppins.
so how does that work out when you go to other people's houses?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by trinimommy View Post
so how does that work out when you go to other people's houses?
I'm not the person that you asked this question of, but my answer is that I really don't take mobile babies and young toddlers many places that aren't baby proofed.

For example, when I went to visit my grandma, in her 90s, with a very un-child-proofed apt, I shelled out for a hotel room and drop in child care for my little boys or had them watched 100% of the time by dh or older sister (usually in the park across the street).

It wouldn't be fair to ask grandma to childproof for us -- and not fair to my toddlers to expect that I would be a perfect enough parent to guarantee that I could keep them safely away from her purse full of chocolate x-lax or any of the million other hazards to a 13 mo in her home.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Aubergine68 View Post
I'm not the person that you asked this question of, but my answer is that I really don't take mobile babies and young toddlers many places that aren't baby proofed.

For example, when I went to visit my grandma, in her 90s, with a very un-child-proofed apt, I shelled out for a hotel room and drop in child care for my little boys or had them watched 100% of the time by dh or older sister (usually in the park across the street).

It wouldn't be fair to ask grandma to childproof for us -- and not fair to my toddlers to expect that I would be a perfect enough parent to guarantee that I could keep them safely away from her purse full of chocolate x-lax or any of the million other hazards to a 13 mo in her home.

Well that is an interesting approach. I could see how that works for a one time visit but for me it was not as feasible and I was not trapping myself in the house. We visited both sides of grandparents, godparents, and other friends and family. Not quite sure how this approach will work for my son since he is a different child, but with my daughter was able to keep up with her. But we all differ in technique. For instance, I certainly would prefer taking her to a home I know was cleaned well where I may have to watch her a little more vs. a hotel room where I would not want her to touch ANYTHING...nt the floor, not the wall, not the bed...ugh...not ANYTHING.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by trinimommy View Post
I could see how that works for a one time visit but for me it was not as feasible and I was not trapping myself in the house. .
Not a one-time visit. I have elder-care obligations to Grandma and another relative who lives in the same city, so I spend 2 weeks there every year.

It sucks to have to juggle the needs of 3 children and my other family obligations, but it has to be done.

I do leave the house for pleasure, but mostly to visit with friends who also have small children, so their places are also childproofed.

ETA I do take my children other places, but do not find it a pleasure to have to be 100% aware of safety concerns.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Kappa View Post
Pat-patting sounds a lot like the gateway drug to wuppins.
I don't know why, but that made me
!

On babyproofing- my baby is only 3 mo. so I don't have experience with mobile babies yet, but I know that I will not baby proof. I believe that babies need to fit into the world they way that it is as much as possible, I don't think it's good to completely control a baby's environment. That's just me, though, and my ideas might change when she starts moving around. In any case it doesn't make sense to hit a child of any age for any reason.

You should have told her that what she was doing was abusive and if she continued to talk about hitting her infant children I'd call cps myself right in front of her.

The phrase "pat pat" makes me really angry, though. If you need to create euphamisms for the things you do to your children, you should be asking yourself why.

I give pat pats to my baby on the caboose because it's fun and it makes her laugh. That's what a pat is, whatever she was doing is not a pat pat.
 

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Wow. I babyproof at home, to keep my babies safe (wires, chemicals out of reach, cover outlets, etc) but if we are elsewhere, I simply watch my children and keep them out of things they shouldn't be in. It's really no big deal. I certainly wouldn't want my home to be dangerous, bc, let's fact it, kids are curious creatures. Also, some are easier than others in that department. I have three, and they are all very, very different.

That said...I never, ever hit my babies! Oh I'm sorry..."pat-pat" them.

I'm also shocked this thread has lasted this long, it's treading on thin ice. I'd be careful what you condone on here. MDC does not support spanking in any way, shape, or form.

OP, I probably would have been shocked and kept my mouth shut, too. Though being on my third now I've gotten bolder. I'm quite sure this woman is condoning actual spanking, since she mentions doing it for whining, too. Now I'm not going to proclaim to be perfect and say I've always been gentle, but I'm certainly not proud of the times I've lost control, nor would I ever brag about it as a good way to discipline!!!!! And I just can't imagine starting that on infant, either.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by trinimommy View Post
so how does that work out when you go to other people's houses?

Not the person who was asked either, but...

I babyproof quite a bit, and go places that aren't sometimes. The other children's toys that are choking size are kept in their rooms, cat food is kept in the bathroom, knives in a high cupboard, outlets covered, that sort of thing. My dd is 9 months and mobile and quite active and curious. The answer is redirection and sometimes information alongside. As she gets older I'll be giving info alot more.

OP= My jaw probably would have dropped a bit. I would have been uncomfortable and made an excuse to get away as quickly as possible.
 
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