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My ds is 5 months old and I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from PPD. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, but I haven’t had much luck with medication (I’m not on any right now). After the first two weeks of being home, it was horrible! Ds was crying all the time and I just felt like losing my mind. Dh had to take extra time off work because I didn’t feel like I could be home by myself with ds. Now at 5 mos. he is a great baby but I feel worse than before.<br><br>
I am very depressed about my post-pregnancy body which basically gives me no interest in time with dh. This has been going on for approximately 2 months and dh is beyond frustrated. In addition, I have no interest in spending time with ds which also frustrates dh. In the beginning when I tried to explain how I was feeling, his response was that I could leave, that I wasn’t tied down. He said he doesn’t trust me alone with ds because I don’t care anything about him. Which of course made me feel horrible! Part of me knows that he just doesn’t understand, but a larger part of me completely shut down from talking to him about how I am feeling. Now two months later, he wants a divorce. He wants me to leave and he is keeping ds. I am feeling so hopeless right now anyway, I don’t know if I even care!<br><br>
How do you get your dh’s to understand PPD? He is actually going to the therapist I used to visit (which I can’t see anymore because my new insurance doesn’t cover) and she told him that since I am not interested in working it out then there is nothing else he can do. I don’t know if she has any experience with PPD but I just don’t feel like I can talk to him after his attitude and comments. I don’t have a support system and without a supportive and caring dh, I don’t know what to do.<br><br>
Tomorrow I plan on looking for a dr. that takes my insurance, but I don’t know how long it will take to get in as a new patient. I am discouraged!<br><br>
KeDavi
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"> I am so sorry you're going through this. When you do call tomorrow, tell them you need to get in ASAP and tell them your feelings (or lack there of) you're having. Let them know it is emergent!!!<br><br>
I'm stunned at your hubby's response to all this. I wish he would show you more support. I'm kind of at a loss for words right now, but I hope you get in real soon.<br><br>
Perhaps you should copy and paste this and crosspost in Parents as Partners for more exposure. Make sure you say it's cross posted so it isn't moved to here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Hi KeDavi- don't give up hun! I went through a really rough PPD and have always, since I can remember, struggle with depression. Went through every prescription and a couple of therapists until I found what worked for me- maybe it will help you. Some natural supplements made a huge difference. The biggest was getting enough Omega-3 oils, helps your nervous system and if you're taking enough you will notice a difference quickly- couple of days hopefully. There are capsules too!<br><a href="http://www.omega-dha-epa.com/productcod.html" target="_blank">http://www.omega-dha-epa.com/productcod.html</a><br>
Also, yoga helped a lot and lots of exercise. You can take the baby for walks, the sunshine will help (physiologically) and the exercise produces serotonin (hormone your body produces affecting moods) which counters the depression. Stay away from alchohol as it can send you into a spiral- makes it worse for me. Post your message on the other boards as there are so many mamas that can help you, and don't give up! You deserve to have your family happy and you can get through this- there is an end to PPD! How about if you call the therapist that your husband is going to and explain that you have PPD and see if she can help- at least she could lend him some advice when he sees her- maybe teach him something to help him be more patient and understand the PPD. I will be praying for you and if I can think of any other resources I'll post again.<br>
Blessings,<br>
Jeanette
 

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does his therapist not understand PPD? Has she not had kids? Or is he telling you a falsehood?<br>
bare bones do you really not want to work it out? Or is that just what he is telling her?<br>
I agree with Gemini tell them is is EXTREME and URGENT and cannot wait<br>
if this new person understands PPD and works well with you make an appt for you AND dh<br><br>
Why are you and dh on different insurance??? It sounds like you need a counselor who understands this issue and will see both of you<br>
in the meantime can you print off some links that he will feel are reputable ( med sites/etc ) and make sure they are where he can find them?<br>
Does either insurance yours and his have one of those 24 hour nurse lines you can call for a myriad of things?If so find the extension for ppd listen to what they say yourself first and if it is good and thorough call it again and hand him the phone<br><br>
good luck to you and come back and post soon with an update
 

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First off, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Yes you do need to find a dr. who is going to help you and to help your DH to understand what is going on with you. Hang in there. Can you express to DH that you do care about him and DS and that you are struggling right now?<br><br>
I didn't have PPD but I had a few days of insanity! I was yelling and screaming at DH. He thought I was looney and I thought he was a jerk. He totally wrote off my feelings and what I was trying to tell him. I realized later that these few days changed our relationship. He didn't take me or my emotions seriously anymore and I didn't respect him for his lack of response to my cries for help in those first PP days. It was over a year later that this surfaced after a counceling session and we did work through it.<br><br>
There are some homeopathic treatments available. I would suggest Sepia 200C just once. If you don't have a store where this potency is available, PM me and I'll tell you where you can find it.<br><br>
Hang in there, there is hope and there are answers.
 

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I'm so sorry that this is your experience right now. Bless your sweet heart! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hearts.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hearts"> My DH didn't understand PPD either. He couldn't understand why, when I really wanted a baby, I was less than overjoyed once DS arrived. And, my DH has a hx with depressions so you think he would have understood! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> My Dh never fully understood my struggle but he did help me get support. And I'm getting better now.<br>
I recommend finding some books on PPD. You can read them yourself and it would be helpful for DH to read them as well. Therapy seems important for you right now too. I hope you can find someone who understands PPD. In my area, there's a PPD support group that meets once a month. It's a lifeline for me. I take Omega 3s & Effexor and they both help me. I had to struggle thru a lot of meds before I found the right one. I'm wondering if your Dh would be willing to wait another 6 months while you both adjust to parenting and you're working on getting better?? It's a huge adjustment for both of you and it sounds like he's being a bit reactionary. what about couples tx??<br>
i'm pulling for you girl!<br>
Chrissy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/flower.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="flower">
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I called around for therapists on my insurance today and got an appointment for Monday morning. I ordered a book from Amazon but it’s still not here. I have looked at several stores and libraries and tonight I finally found a couple of books. Being at home in the evenings is so hard because I feel isolated and alone. Work is usually great but lately I am just distracted and anxious thinking about what will happen with my life.<br><br>
My dh and I have never really had good communication. He is very easy going and happy 95% of the time. I on the other hand obsess about everything. He rarely gets upset, but when he does it’s almost like he just blows his top. When the major problems started 2 months ago, he accused me of cheating on him because of my growing distance. Which couldn’t have been further from the truth! There was no reasoning with him and he was following me around the house yelling for me to leave. He threw all my clothes out of the closet and carried on for over an hour. After that episode is when I talked to him about seeing the therapist I had seen. Then after 7 or so visits, the therapist wanted me to come for a group visit. But I still don’t feel comfortable talking with dh especially without any individual visits first. So he (and the therapist) took that as me not wanting to work it out. And that’s when he said he wanted a divorce. His attitude change is so hurtful. He is so rude all the time, has been sleeping on the couch and basically making my life even more miserable. If I even try to talk to him, he goes on about how miserable I am and how I am never going to change. He brings up every ‘bad’ thing I have ever done, even things I didn’t realize were ever problems. He says he and ds deserve to be happy and it won’t be in this relationship. He isn’t wearing his wedding ring, has started looking up previous girlfriends and griping about me to his friends.<br><br>
So coupled with the basic depression, I honestly can’t say I want to work on this marriage. I don’t have the strength, I need support myself and I don’t feel like I have any to give him. I feel so guilty because I don’t doubt that I have been depressed the whole time I have known dh. I don’t understand why my life has to be like this! Why can’t I just be happy and be a great wife and mother? I almost feel like we would be better off apart but I don’t know if that is the truth or the PPD. I agonize over the future of my ds if we parted - divorce, visitation, re-marrying. That stresses me out even more. Everything I have seen about PPD mentions a dh that stuck it through - why can’t mine?<br><br>
Sorry this is so long! It is so hard to get your thoughts across on the computer. Thank you for the support, I don’t have anyone else to talk to!<br><br>
KeDavi
 

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I'm glad to hear that you're taking some action! Good for you! Maybe things will become clearer once you get to your therapy appt. It has to be so hard for you to try and tackle so much at once. My marriage sat on the backburner for the past several months of PPD. I felt like it was just strung together with duct tape at times, but like you, I didn't feel like I had the energy to do much else.<br>
I wish you all the loving support in the world right now. Take it one step at a time and keep checking in!!<br>
Chrissy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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maybe you should visit the therapist with dh. tell them in the beginning that you feel bullied, that your side won't/isn't being heard. When the therapist hears what you've shared here, he will help you. If he doesn't, he should have his liscense revoked. You must be brutally honest with all of this to get through it and for your family to get through it. Print out this post and bring it with you so they can see some of your feelings. Again, honesty is an absolute must here. Don't decide that you don't want to work on your marriage just yet. You are in a bad way right and you need to express that to everyone involved so that you can get the help that you need. You deserve to be happy as does your dh and your ds. Go to therapy with him.
 

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First, good for you in getting an appointment.<br><br>
I think you should try to go to one appointment with your DH with his theropist.<br>
It may resolve some of the confusion that it sounds like is going on.<br><br>
I am very sorry you have to go through this. And for the record, it does sound like you are suffering from PPD...<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Please whatever you need to do to get help, please do. My DH was not supportive with my first PPD. Or, maybe he was trying in a messed up way. He didn't want me to see anyone because it meant his wife could not cope. WIth our first if I said I had had it he needed to deal with her, he would follow me around with her telling me I needed to get over it and take care of her. Not good at all. Not sure if I had PPD with her or was just overdone with all the major changes.<br><br>
Now, he is very concerned and we have been with the next 3 pregnancies. This one I was having such a bout of depression while pregnant I started seeing someone and then went on meds. I am so afraid of feeling that bad again.<br><br>
I hope you are able to find some help that is good. PPD is not something I would ever want to mess with again.
 

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Knowing what I now know about PPD (and depression in general) I find your husband's position ironic. OF COURSE you don't feel like working on your marriage. You don't feel like yourself when you have PPD, and you darn sure don't have extra energy and hopefulness left over to share around with everyone. That's just how depression works! But unfortunately he doesn't know this yet (or hasn't accepted it as true).<br><br>
It sounds like your DH may feel so confused and inadequate that he can't deal and that's why he's thinking he'll just throw in the towel on the relationship. But guess what, times like this are what the commonly used wedding vows refer to when they mention "in SICKNESS and health, for better or for worse," etc. Would he up and quit on the relationship if you had a severe medical condition that took away your strength and resolve, or made his life more challenging? While you can't "see" depression, it takes your strength away, too, so perhaps if he can start thinking of PPD as a REAL DISEASE, it would help him to understand. I would imagine that in your heart, you'd love to have the strength and desire to work on your family relationship...so to me that is way different than the image that you just don't want to try and won't ever want to. I'm shocked and sad that his therapist would lead him to believe that a woman in the midst of mothering a newborn AND suffering from PPD should be abandoned for being unwilling to work on the relationship. That's cruel and ridiculous.<br><br>
My therapist wrote a piece that's available online titled "Tips for Postpartum Dads." Go to <a href="http://www.babybluesconnection.org/" target="_blank">http://www.babybluesconnection.org/</a> and click on "Tips" on the left nav bar to get to the article. There are lots of other PPD articles online that are written for dads, too, so you might search out a couple and ask him to read them. You might also try writing him a letter telling him how you feel. Maybe throw in a picture of you two together in happier times and assure him that you want to try to get back there someday (assuming you do feel that way), but you just don't have anything left over right now even to treat yourself well. Believe me, I know exactly what it feels like to have nothing available in that department.<br><br>
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope you'll both find some good therapy soon and that things will improve little by little.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"> Carol
 
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