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Whenever my extended family gets together my Aunt always has something to say about what I choose for my son. For example:

DS is 5 months old.

I said, "We haven't started solids yet. It is recommended that you wait until 6 months because of allergies."

She said, "I don't believe in that."
:

How can you not believe in that? It is a researched fact!

DS is 1 year.

She said, "Can he have ice cream?"

I said, "No he hasn't had milk yet."

She said, "My kids all had milk at 3 months and they turned out fine."

I don't see her that much so it's not a big deal for me. I just wonder why
she feels the need to make comments like that. I feel sorry for her daughters. When they have kids they are in trouble.
 

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Oh yeah, I've been there!
When my first ds was three months and I was desperately trying to embark on parenting from a natural perspective despite having no support, my mother in law spoon fed my baby ice cream. And not even good quality ice cream. The cheap kind with xantham gum and high fructose corn syrup in it. A year later out of desperation I allowed her to watch him while I went for a haircut. I left snacks and drinks that I considered healthy. When I came back, he was drinking something black and fizzy. I said "whats that?". Smiling, she replyed "diet pepsi! I thought you wouldn't mind because it is sugar free!" I literally grabbed the cup and dumped it out on the grass, and delivered a speech about aspartame.
For some reason, there are some people who have to see something wrong with the way we chose to raise our children.... All we can do is adhere to our values, share knowledge, and keep on instilling them in our children so that when they are old enough they might possibly uphold them voluntarily.
 

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"Thank you for sharing your opinion but we are comfortable that we have made the right decision for our family."
 

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you know babies used to be deleivered very unhygenically...no handwashing or anything. Many babies died but some didn't so should we just say., well my baby turned out just fine without the doctor /midwife washing his/her hands so lets do away with that crazy idea? but since we know better now we do better things....we are all learning. Sure her kids are just fine...but what about when they were babies? Did they have colic? gas? Are they alalergic to anything? Crying jags? Everyone turns out jsut fine according to thier mothers.
 

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"Every parent gets to screw up their own kids in their own way. This is how I've chosen to screw up mine. But thanks for your concern."

My dh's grandmother is just like this, she loves to get in a good passive-aggressive comment.

Try to keep in mind that she has no say whatsoever in how you raise your child and you are not obligated to abide by what she says. So instead of being
: over her not believing, just say, "ok" and let it go. At the end of the day it makes no difference what she believes. She's not taking care of your child. She's, likely, hoping for a reaction from you and the less you give her the more she may give it up.

She probably makes those comments out of a combination of insecurity about her own mothering and general busy-bodiness. By not choosing to do things her way you are insulting her.


It is maddening and a real exercise in letting go. I just keep reminding myself that I don't live with Nana and she can dislike my parenting all she wants. At the end of the day I go home and her opinions completely don't matter.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ParisApril
Whenever my extended family gets together my Aunt always has something to say about what I choose for my son. For example:

DS is 5 months old.

I said, "We haven't started solids yet. It is recommended that you wait until 6 months because of allergies."

She said, "I don't believe in that."
:

How can you not believe in that? It is a researched fact!
They can't believe that because when many of them were raising kids, it was the norm to give children solids like apple sauce at 1 month or more. And most of those babies grew up and didn't have as many allergies as we do, either. (Frankly, I used to think all the hysteria over peanut allergies was crazy, myself. And guess what my DD has??? A peanut allergy! LOL! Boy do things look different for me, now.)

But back to your subject..... you know what? You're going to keep getting attitudes like this from time to time, so don't bother getting in a huff about it. Just tell the "offender" that they got their chance to raise their kids, now you get yours, and this is the way you are doing it. But also.....listen to what they are saying and keep some of these "folkways" in your head. Frankly, you'll never know when you'll prefer to resort to a few of them, rather than give your child medicines that are harsher.

I had a neighbor who used to pester me to put cereal in my baby's bottle at night so that she'd sleep better. That was the LAST thing I intended to do, because I didn't want to risk causing allergies. I really thought this neighbor was wacko! Then DD was finally diagnosed with reflux around 3 months. Guess what the first recommendation from the pediatrician was???? PUT CEREAL IN THE BOTTLE. I couldn't believe it. Everything everywhere says don't put cereal in a baby's bottle!!!! But it was the least invasive and least chemical oriented way to weight the liquid in her stomach and reduce the need for throwing it up. And you know what? It not only helped with the reflux.....it really did help my baby sleep better through the night. (Other children will naturally have differing experiences.) So since then, I've listened to older mothers politely, because I know when the chips are down, even doctors will pull old-fashioned tricks out of their bags. But I reserve the right to make final decisions about what I'll do with my daughter myself, no matter how much pressure people put on me. And except for her small size, since she is developing so beautifully-- mostly I just get complements today, rather than bad suggestions. But when it comes to her size, I do get some rotton suggestions. (Like force her to eat. That's impossible and harmful, but some people don't realize that.)

Faith
Who says "Even a broken clock is right two times a day."
 

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I always think that people who make these comments are often doing so out of defense. When SIL tried to give 8-month-old ds sugary yogurt, I told her no because we didn't give him sugar. She got defensive and I think it's because she thinks I'm trying to be better than her.

AP takes more effort in many ways. You are putting more into your children than some people, and it makes them feel that they didn't try hard enough, whether they know it or not.

Many people raise their children based on old wives tales and think you're uppity for doing research. Don't listen. You're doing a great job! It sucks to hear criticism when you're trying so hard.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ParisApril
Whenever my extended family gets together my Aunt always has something to say about what I choose for my son......
Quite frankly, I don't know where people get off on giving any sort of advice, unless you specifically ask for it. Would these same people, walk up to you and start dictating how you and your spouse should be having a relationship? Or how you should be performing at your job? For some reason, I've noticed that when it comes to children, alot of folks seem to feel quite comfortable telling people what to do. I find this very odd, its like people think they know exactly how it should be done, just because they may have children of their own. I'm currently going through this very same issue with my BIL, and to avoid a thread hi/jack, I started my own in this forum.

Hang in there, I know it's hard to ignore words.
 

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Some people just have a hard time accepting that times change and some of the things they did as parents aren't considered OK anymore. I try to be nice about it and just say something like, "oh, well, now they say you're supposed to ..." But then, I have a mom and a MIL who are both totally accepting of that and who always check before doing anything ("is he allowed to eat eggs yet? we gave them to my kids pretty early ... "), so I guess I haven't really had a problem with this.
 

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I get unwanted advice from well-meaning people too. Isn't EVERYONE a baby expert these days? Mentally, I'm giving them the bird although outside I just plaster a smile on my face and say "Hmmm...that's interesting." Then, I change the topic.

I had to stop myself from slapping my SIL when she gave my 10-month old peanut butter while she was watching her.
SIL has raised 3 kids AND she babysits but she doesn't know to avoid nut products with an infant.
 

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I think some of it comes from the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" thing. That's why people will give you unwanted parenting advice, but not marriage advice. It's just somewhat more appropriate, although annoying. The best you can do is just smile and go about doing things the way you normally would.
As far as people overstepping and giving babies ice cream and peanut butter, well, that's something you should speak up about.

A little O/T, but I read an article once written by an older woman who was reponding to mothers who get upset about strangers touching their babies faces/ hands, etc. She mentioned that seeing little babies brought them back to their days as the mother of an infant, and they just wanted to recapture that sweet baby smell or soft skin. I try to remember this when people give me advice I'd never consider. Maybe someone gave them some really special advice, or something that helped them, and they want to give advice to you too in hopes that you'll treasure what they say.
 
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