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<b>Thank you all very much for your support. I am getting my weekend off and I am looking so forward to it. Unfortunately, today it was decided at my doctors' office that I have to start glucose monitoring (I am 30 weeks pregnant). Let's hope it was just a fluke, since I really would like to enjoy a latte and a croissant in a little cafe with a good book (obviously I need to do some reading re: diabetes and diet...).</b><br><br>
DH suggested that I should have a long weekend (to myself) ever since he saw how tired I was taking care of our son (currently we only have one child, second on the way, not sure how to handle two, but that's a different story), you know, being up all night nursing, or simply not sleeping through the night, by now DS gets into all sort of things (mostly climbing on top of furniture). So, we expect number two (a girl, are they any calmer? please say yes!), and I reminded DH of the promise and I booked some treatments at a spa (yep, facial and pedicure at a practice spa, so the people treating the guests are like interns, way cheaper than anything else) on a Friday morning (well, he said LONG weekend) to start things off right (oh, how I am looking forward to it, hardly able to reach my toes anyway).<br><br>
So, I remind him to take Friday off and he looks at me like: Are you serious? I need my days off to build the deck, do the backyard (some renovations...), what about the birth, I need to take time off for that...<br><br>
Next thing he says is: Well, then I am going to XYZ-Show (okay, that is professional/business, I have to admit) in Chicago three weeks prior to due date! Me: EXCUSE ME? That is so not the same, I am not leaving town (I am just asking you to take care of our son for three days) and you want to leave me all alone when I could go into labor any time? (BTW, I am really big with this pregnancy and wondering if I'll make it all the way)<br><br>
Now, I am thinking of reminding him that he goes to dinners, wine-tastings, golf tournaments, etc. all the time (without me, that is). All in all, he gets way more time off than poor little me! But in clearer moments that seems petty, since this argument actually revolves around who takes care of DS?!! But I am FED UP, he leaves for work in the morning, comes home to a (mostly) home cooked meal, bathed and diapered DS, somewhat clean home, and don't forget that he has not done any laundry since DS birth! And he complains of busy days, etc, whereas poor little me then still gets to calm down cranky son (if cranky) and oops, I am not supposed to say anythhing about my busy/crappy day (life at home is always rosy/happy/serene according to my DH). But the best are the weekends, when I have two babies to please (DH and DS).<br><br>
DH: I had a really busy week, all I want is to relax. Me (thinking): Really? Don't worry, sit down, watch TV. I got to watch TV all week sitting on the couch eating bonbonbs and chocolate GRRRRH.<br><br>
Why is it okay for DH to have been busy and needing relaxation when I have the same day seven days a week? I don't get to have a weekend, I don't even get sick days (and I was MISERABLE shortly before X-mas for weeks!) And as for the vacation we had, don't get me started! How many rounds of golf did he play?<br><br>
So, am I overreacting to want a three day weekend? I admit, he has not had a long weekend, but he has stayed away overnight for pleasure (!) several times! All I ever get is maybe an afternoon off (once a month or so).
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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No way are you overreacting!! Being a SAHM is the hardest job I have ever had and I get so irritated when other people don't acknowledge it as such- you need to sit down with DH and tell him that you are getting a long weekend and the new deck and that round of golf can wait.
 

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I agree you need a break but I am not sure that I think that I would ask my husband to take a day off of work. I do work hard but his work feeds the kids. We don't have much vacation time and we do need to save it for later. (sounds like you do too).<br><br>
I know that one day off would refresh me a lot so three days would be overkill- I would be missing the kids!<br><br>
Can't you just take a weekend off?<br><br>
Heck we have it so Saturday am I sleep in (and that is loose since I can't really sleep so I often just hang out in the room and read or watch TV or whatever) and dh manages the kids. He gets sunday. It helps a lot- just that one or two hours helps a ton!<br><br>
I am not sure it is about "respecting" the work you do so much as I think we prevent our dh's from realizing how having kids means NO ONE EVER GETS TIME OFF anymore. When dh clued into that- that his time off was my time on and viceaversa life got a lot easier. We both have to pull it out and keep on going. Now I ws doing such a good job of picking up all the slack that my dh didn't realize that until we were far into this thing.<br><br>
I run to the grocery store alone in the evenings leaving him to put the kids down. Sometimes I make up errands to run in the evenings just to get out. Little breaks help a lot.<br><br>
I am scratching my head on anyone who is married with kids taking any overnight breaks- well maybe ONCE a year.<br><br>
Btw when he says "I want to relax" my reply is "me too" when I come home after leaving dh with the kids and they are crazy and he goes on and on about how hard it was my reply isn't "I am sorry" it is "I know, I hate that!"
 

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Anyone who can write paragraph after paragraph about needing a break NEEDS A BREAK. I hope you can get the time you need to revive and refresh yourself.
 

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Poor mama. I hear you, believe me!<br><br>
You know what I keep thinking when I read threads like these? That we need to connect with MDC mamas in our areas! I know that if I had a IRL mama friend as maxed out as you, I'd watch her little ones so she could get a break (or a nap, or an uninterrupted meal!). I know it's not the same as dh doing it, but the thing is...they keep saying they "can't right now, you know how busy work is" etc. Know what I mean? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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It sounds like he may not really understand that you're working all day. Has he spent an entire day in charge of the house/ child on his own before? Or does he always have more isolated child care duties? Playing/ reading for a couple hours in the evening is very different from providing meals, naps, running errands, cooking, and keeping the house halfway clean all in the same day. Some fathers who are only "assigned" discrete child-rearing tasks really don't get it.
 

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Have you tried comparing your time off with his? I mean, make a graph or present it in some professional sort of way. And then show him his weekends AND ESPECIALLY the times (as many as you can remember, even better if you can back-track with a daytimer, or something) and include all that in some way, shape, or form... then put next to it the time you feel you could count as "off" (probably miniscule from the way it sounds from what you've written. If I were to feel a need to do this, I would include about 45 minutes of the hour DH is home each day because he DOES try super duper hard to entertain DD that long AND make sure she stays OFF me so I don't end up in fetal position from over exposure by the end of the night! hahahaha<br><br>
I'm sorry you're feelin so rough. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't think it's too much to ask for some time... especially since you're adding a huge amount to your work with the extra child. Not to mention the pre-stress when thinking about how to deal with the additional child! *sigh*<br><br>
I would totally treat it as a comparison of jobs, though. My DH would GET that, iykwim? If I could show him AND explain my perception, I know it would cause him a lot more contemplation than when I just conversate about such things. He does try to listen, but it's totally a guy thing... unless it's a topic of much interest, they sort of focus in and out of the stuff you're trying to communicate. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> So frustrating, but also easier to deal with when I just accept it. Of course, that's easier to say than do much of the time. ahwell.<br><br>
good LUCK!!!! I hope you are able to take that time guilt free to sort of get ready for the next phase! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Now, I am thinking of reminding him that he goes to dinners, wine-tastings, golf tournaments, etc. all the time (without me, that is). All in all, he gets way more time off than poor little me! But in clearer moments that seems petty, since this argument actually revolves around who takes care of DS?!! But I am FED UP, he leaves for work in the morning, comes home to a (mostly) home cooked meal, bathed and diapered DS, somewhat clean home, and don't forget that he has not done any laundry since DS birth! And he complains of busy days, etc, whereas poor little me then still gets to calm down cranky son (if cranky) and oops, I am not supposed to say anythhing about my busy/crappy day (life at home is always rosy/happy/serene according to my DH). But the best are the weekends, when I have two babies to please (DH and DS).<br><br>
This is my life also only my husband fishes or hunts 4 days a week and then works full time for 3 days a week and I spent about an hour bawling over it tonight because I can't handle it anymore I am so miserable I am due may 19th and to make this so easy as my husband thinks it is, my son is going through terrible 3's. Who ever said 2's are bad was so wrong. I am having the hardest time trying to keep up with him and everything else. Oh ya and he thinks it is extra fun for me to walk down and up the stairs to unlock the door so he doesn't have to use his keys. All I want is a little appreciation, support, and help. And then he has the nerve to get upset at me because I am crying I am pregnant I have every right to be emotional. I feel better knowing I am not the only one that feels this way I was starting to think everyone on this board had perfect husbands.
 

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Tell your husband "Sorry, you promised. I'm not having the who-does-more argument with you. It is my turn to relax. If you really think it is easy to take care of children all day, I'd be more than happy to let you take over my easy, easy job on weekends. We are a partnership, and right now, I need you to be my partner."<br><br>
I hope you enjoy your weekend! It sounds fabulous!
 

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Ditto this.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>zaksma</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">No way are you overreacting!! Being a SAHM is the hardest job I have ever had and I get so irritated when other people don't acknowledge it as such</div>
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I think you just need to take your time for yourself, no apologies. Let him pout about it if he wants to, but don't react to it. Reacting to it opens up the conversation AS IF it's something that needs to be discussed. You are taking much needed time off, period.<br><br>
I find belaboring the point with a big comparison of who gets more time off when doesn't help these situations. It just pits you two against one another in a who-has-it-worse competition and there will never be a winner. I know it would be nice for him to "get it", but he may never get it and you need to be able to take your time, regardless of how deeply he understands your plight.<br><br>
And I find if I am getting the breaks I need, I don't care so much about whatever breaks he's taking. His breaks are only annoying to me if I am not getting any, and ultimately, it's my responsibility to make sure I am taking breaks. He's not a mind reader. He even tells me "schedule some time for yourself this weekend" but will often have a "what???" look on his face when I do. I just ignore the look, ignore the moaning and groaning, and do my thing. In the end, he always <i>really</i> enjoys the time he spends alone with the kids. Then can't stop going on and on to me about how much they bonded and how much they love and adore him as their father. It's become an expected part of this dance we do in our marriage and I've come to find it amusing (mostly<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> ).<br><br>
What it all boils down to, is that most men get their time off by simply scheduling it and taking it. We should do the same for ourselves. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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