Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
132 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Thanks for all your input on Friday about my m/w and stuff. She came for the home visit (a hour and 45 min. late!) and before coming, called and told me she may be about 1/2 hr. late. While she had me on the phone she took the opportunity to bring up the extra $1,000 that she wanted. I am positive it's b/c she didn't want to discuss it in front of my dh and wanted to have me cornered. The last time she mentioned it (when she first brought it up) was at the only appt. I had w/ her where he was not there. Anyway, I simply told her that we had double checked and we were NOT obligated to pay her anything above her contracted rate and since we are not obligated and do not have the extra money, we would not be paying her anything more. She basically told me that she felt we were getting a great deal but would not press it further. I'm fine with that!

As for the tub and water birth, I took her in and showed her the tub. She told me that she thought it would be just fine as long as I was willing to face the direction that she was most comfortable with. Basically, I told her that if I did this, I would be in danger of hitting my head on the spout and would prefer to face the other direction. She kinda made a face and I told her that I was sure that I would be moving around and in different positions, so if that was acceptable to her, she could check me while I was in a different position and closer to the way she wanted me to be. She agreed and I think it will all be fine as far as the tub.

She did talk about a couple things that I found less than open-minded although neither really had anything specific to do with my birth. Just not as "natural" and "open-minded" as I would have expected from her. Still feelinga little on-edge, but I guess that's largely b/c I'm 36 wks. pregnant and feeling rather "momma bear"-ish, y/k? So thanks for all your help and input. I'll keep ya updated on anything new that happens!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,396 Posts
Are you sure you're totally comfortable with her? I personally would have a problem with the whole situation being like that.

Good luck anyway
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,337 Posts
Hmm, I'm glad it went better than expected, but it sounds to me like you're not totally comfortable with her. That would make me nervous, I wouldn't want someone I wasn't completely sure of attending my birth (which is why we're planning a UC). Good luck to you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,491 Posts
a strong mama like you feels that it won't influence your birth negatively...I wish you all the power you need.

Have a great time, I'm looking forward to congratulating you.

Can't help myself but to say she sounds MEDwifey to me still
:

Just be clear to yourself that it is YOUR birth and her medical knowledge is only helpful as guidance *IF* something unusual happens. You're the mama, the power is yours and you know whats happening from the inside out. I'm sure it won't be an issue since she's scared of your partner.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,110 Posts
Can't help myself but to say she sounds MEDwifey to me still
:

yes- i agree....
hugs mama! i look forward to hearing your birth story soon! remember you are in charge- it will be your home.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,115 Posts
Yup, you're in charge. My MW wasn't pushy so I didn't have this problem, but I did refuse a few things and such at MY birth. The laboring woman is the boss, the client, the star of the show. If the MW can't see to do a cervical check and you don't want to move, either she can move or you can skip the internal (I'd skip the internal unless I felt there was a good reason otherwise). If she doesn't like it, she can wait in the next room until you need her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,484 Posts
Good for you, sticking up for yourself! However, it sounds like you might not be comfotable with her. Is there anyone else around you can switch to? Don't discount your intuition!

If not, you should consider writing up a list of labor dos and don'ts and also get dh prepared to stick up for you if she deviates from it even one bit.

Best of luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,422 Posts
Hey Tracy,

You are so strong to stick up for yourself, which is awesome! And yes, you are perfectly normal having the feelings you do...I know I would have the same ones...it has nothing to do with you being 36 weeks.

Forgive me for saying this as no one has..and it may seem crazy...but you do always have the option of switching providers with someone who has a better philosophy match with yours...it is not too late until the baby is out!

This may not be an option...or none of those feelings may be strong enough for you to care to do this...or you may feel fine saying no at the time of birth and not having it affect your birth at all. I just wanted to put it out there.

On the other hand, if you wanted to check out other options it does not hurt to call around and just talk about it with some other midwives.

Best to you! Can't wait to hear about the birth. Paige
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,295 Posts
I know what the other pps are saying..... but I'm not sure if ins will pay for a MW twice.......so she might have to foot the bill of the next one, and thats why she fought with this one, money issues.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself! and don't be afraid to do it regarding any issue during the labor, its YOUR birth, not hers. If you don't want to move into a better position for her to "check" you then dont (unless theres a problem of course).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,099 Posts
Quote:
She told me that she thought it would be just fine as long as I was willing to face the direction that she was most comfortable with.
:
:

That IMO is a huge warning signal.

Sure you cant stand up to her now but while in labor may become a bit vulnerable and not be able to demand your wishes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
132 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I agree with all of you that I do have reservations about this M/W. Unfortunately, she is the only one within an hour and 1/2 radius of me and I have had fast labors the last 2 times. She is also the only one covered by my insurance and paying out of pocket at this point in the game is not an option... so, it's either this or one of the HORRIBLE OB's in our area. I've been through 5 ob offices in the past 6 yrs and even the doctors in our area will tell you that there isn't much to chose from. So, although I have my reservations, I do believe that at least this m/w will allow me to be in my own home and will give me the comfort of having someone of medical knowledge nearby. Honestly, my only other option would be UC and my dh won't go for that at all and with only a few weeks to go, I feel unprepared for it too.

No, I'm not totally comfortable. I wish that I had the relationship with her that many of you have talked about. But... given my other options, I feel it's the way to go at this point. I just have to know that I will need to speak up for myself and have DH do the same. AND... like someone said, she isnt' exactly timely and I do have fast labors... soooo.... I'm okay with a "surprise" UC!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,444 Posts
I should change my siggy to say this but: Every woman should prepare for an unplanned UC. You included. Especially since you have fast labors, a midwife who proves to run late that's far away anyway, AND reservations about her. Get your supplies together and get your head together for the chance that you won't have to put up with her anyway. I can see your problem here, you feel you are stuck between a rock and ahard place. Either go see crappy OBs or stick with a fairly crappy midwife. I get that sometimes birth is about compromise. I wanted a UC. My DH wanted a midwife. We hired a hands-off one and while I would have been fine without her, he wasn't, so it was worht the compromise. I see that in your situatoin. TO get the homebirth you want, you have to stick with a care provider that is less than desirable. That's really touch Tracy. I wish you lots of strenght and lots of peace as you prepare to birth your baby.

Namaste, Tara
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
132 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Tara, you really hit the nail on the head. I honestly think I would be okay w/ a UC although I have not totally "prepared" for it. Mostly b/c my dh would have a cow if he thought I was even letting myself think that way. I have mentioned it a few times now in conversations like, "or maybe she'll be late", or "would it be the worst thing in the world if it was just you and I?" This is my first HB, mostly b/c he was scared of it the other 3 times. Each time I've compromised and I've hated it, but this is the closest I'm gonna get to the birth I want. That I'm fairly sure of. Honestly, my stuff is ready and I feel okay w/ UC. My biggest concerns would be "what if something goes wrong?" and my dh. W/ my 19 m. dd, I was truly aiming for a UC and trying to put my dh off from going to the hospital as long as possible. As it turned out, another 20 minutes would have done it and I could have avoided a real PITA hospital stay! So, yes, I am preparing mentally for UC and am kinda hoping that the baby comes quickly and w/out much warning!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,295 Posts
I completely understand everyone's concerns but I also know you can have a wonderful birth.Although it doesn't sound like you have the "perfect" relationship it does sound like she is your best option.I think she's got a good idea that you're not going to be pushed around nor are you looking for someone to tell you what to do.I'm sure she'll respect your wishes for her to leave the room if you want.And your husband can be happy to know that she's there just in case.Maybe tell her you really wanted a UC and she'll be more likely to stay out of your way?

Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,371 Posts
For my first birth I had a lot of worries about my midwife and what the nurses would be like (I had a hospital birth). It helped me a lot to read UC stories and let them and their issues fade into the background a bit.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
972 Posts
I second what someone said about making a list of do's and don'ts for DH to stand up for. I have a very cool midwife, but I've noticed that I tend to go along with whatever she says and then sometimes question it later. I keep thinking of things to tell DH since I won't be in a position to discuss them, such as putting the birthing pool on the non-neighbor side of the apartment. Even though there's much more room on the neighbor side, I know I'll feel self-conscious about making noise if I'm right next to their wall. I've also told him how I feel about vaginal exams and knowing how far along I am -- I want few to none, and I don't want to know.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,440 Posts
I am glad that you worked out that money issue with her, good for you! sounds like it isnt the best situation, but could be worse as you said. Stay strong and you can have the best birht you possibley can. you staying positive makes a huge difference! Go Girl!
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
Top