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Do you have any really supportive friends that could come to the birth to help out with your son? Or maybe a friend that could be there for you so your partner could be with your son?

About the U/S I don't think it would take the magic away from the pregnancy especially if it made your partner more involved and connected.

I hope you find the path that truly resonates with your soul.

Sending lots of
: your way.

Wendi
 

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Are there any midwives that woulod be willing to be "oncall" for you? that way you can still UC, but your dh has the comfort of knowing that IF something happens, he has someone to call? Sometimes, that's all a person needs....
 

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Sometimes UC moms hire a mw, or have a trusted friend to come help, for their partner's sake. Of course I mean a UC-willing mw--I've done this, just being in the house but not in mama's sight, so that her partner can relax knowing that I'm right there should I be needed. I've also had UCs with friends onhand--in part for me (I liked getting pampered while laboring), but also very much for my partner's ease.

So--congratulations! Sounds like there is some very positive movement occurring in your life right now....yay. Seldom easy, always rewarding. You go
and let the love flow.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MsBlack View Post
Sometimes UC moms hire a mw, or have a trusted friend to come help, for their partner's sake. Of course I mean a UC-willing mw--I've done this, just being in the house but not in mama's sight, so that her partner can relax knowing that I'm right there should I be needed. I've also had UCs with friends onhand--in part for me (I liked getting pampered while laboring), but also very much for my partner's ease.
ITA...sounds like you might need to compromise a little, and to ease his fears, a UC supportive mw might just be the ticket. Then you could get to work repairing your relationship even more. Congrats on the progress...
 

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I think having a quick ultrasound would do little to take away the magic from baby's birth. I think strengthening your marriage by giving a little (having the u/s) would probably add some magic.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by chrissy View Post
I think having a quick ultrasound would do little to take away the magic from baby's birth. I think strengthening your marriage by giving a little (having the u/s) would probably add some magic.
I liked the way you put that...thank you
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
Are there any midwives that woulod be willing to be "oncall" for you? that way you can still UC, but your dh has the comfort of knowing that IF something happens, he has someone to call? Sometimes, that's all a person needs....
I'm going to look into this first...thanks for the advice!
 

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I don't believe in routine ultrasounds and went through my first 2 pregnancies without ever having one. However, with my last baby I had a quick scan done for a few different reasons (previous m/c and spotting and measuring big) and so I can understand the idea of not having one at all and I can also say that having one didn't take away any of the magic for us.

I personally think for you should take your dh's feelings into account with the UC. As others have posted, seems like there could be some kind of compromise where you possibly have a midwife or doula or someone with some experience and training in the house and she can be completely hands off but she's there if you need/want any support. I didn't have UC. I loved having a midwife and doula there to rub me and bring me drinks and all...that is not something my dh would have done the way I wanted.

Best wishes whatever you choose! And, congratulations!!
 

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I think if having the u/s will ease some of your dh's concerns, then you should consider it as beneficial. If you are having a UP, going for an ultrasound doesn't detract from the experience because you are still fully in charge of your care, you are just hiring a technician for the scan. Also, it will help because it will confirm that everything is "good to go" for a straightforward birth.

When I had my ds it was just me, dh and dd. Dh was in charge of dd once things got intense for me. I played with her and nursed her for her nap and stayed with her while she slept, then nursed her again when she woke up. But once I really got into labor, we pulled out the "goody bag" I'd made for her - a new stuffy, a couple of books and some beatrix potter dvd's - and dh sat with her and slowly went through the bag with her while I labored nearby. He did a great job keeping dd off me when I got in different positions and she thought that meant "have fun climbing under and over mommy". I had everything I needed for labor and birth in a big tub and spread out on the bed within arm's reach.

Also, I gave dh a short list of emergency situations where he would need to get me to the hospital (we were in a hotel across the street because I had to get out of the house during labor - living with ILs). I also had someone who would take my dd if we had needed to transfer. So if your dh can handle being the babysitter and in charge of the phone, and you are capable of doing the rest, you're probably good to go. For some people (it sounds like your dh may be this type) having contingency plans in place help them to stop worrying so they can be present in the moment. "Knowing" that everything is normal with the u/s and "knowing" that there are plans in place to deal with an emergency lets them feel in control so they can leave their nervous feelings behind and get into that confident headspace so they can welcome a baby through uc.

Good luck and let us know how everything goes.
 

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hey mama

beside the things about yourself you are accepting and the ultrasound and whatnot----

do you think he might be serious? has he indicated he's willing to work it out? i only ask because you didn't mention it, so disregard the following if it's not applicable, but:

i'd hate to see you go through the stress of divorce plans and custody plans right now, but it might be something you need wrap your head around. it sounds like even though you've been so disconnected from each other, that this really is a shock. what might happen?
 

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I vote one quick ultrasound if you are feeling generous about it. Nice gesture.

And I vote for hiring a midwife for your homebirth. Having a two year old present really makes it the obvious choice for me - as how can he take care of a two year old AND be fully present and helpful to you during labor and birth? Or do you have a sister or best friend who could be present to take care of ds' needs so dp can be with you?
 

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I would do what is needed to restore your marriage relationship. I don't mean to say stop being who your are, but if you have discovered that your heart and spirit was closed off it is up to you to make the open gestures that he needs. The way your baby comes into the world is important, but what does it benefit if that world is devoid of the love between mommy and daddy that children so desperately need. I pray that this pregnancy and birth will bring a renewed (and new) closeness and intimacy between you two.
 

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:

I can't find the words here, but I think you're doing the right thing. Sometimes birth isn't magical: it's always a miracle, though. It can be rude and base and earthy and that's OK.
 

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Are you having an ultrasound for dating purposes? Because if he just wants to know there is a pregnancy, wouldn't serum HCG be evidence enough?
 

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I'd confirm the pregnancy for the reasons listed (mainly the compromise aspect and generously putting out your hand by doing this FOR HIM, in the hopes that it will be a bridge to the relationship).

I'd stick with u/s simply because more can be done with an u/s then a simple blood serum (besides most of the time if you aren't getting positives on a pee stick then you aren't going to get one by blood, either).

With an u/s you can go ahead and confirm dates and that all parts are there, and on the chance that there is no baby or pregnancy the sonographer can maybe determine what the swelling is about.

The birth and I'd make plans for once I had a date. Even if you can find a MW willing to be on call she'll still need a reasonable EDD (emphasis on the first E). Being on call is tough. Being on call without a date window has got to be tougher!
: hope all is well.
 
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