Update on my situation + a WWYD

Do you have any really supportive friends that could come to the birth to help out with your son? Or maybe a friend that could be there for you so your partner could be with your son?

About the U/S I don't think it would take the magic away from the pregnancy especially if it made your partner more involved and connected.

I hope you find the path that truly resonates with your soul.

Sending lots of : your way.

Wendi

Sometimes UC moms hire a mw, or have a trusted friend to come help, for their partner's sake. Of course I mean a UC-willing mw--I've done this, just being in the house but not in mama's sight, so that her partner can relax knowing that I'm right there should I be needed. I've also had UCs with friends onhand--in part for me (I liked getting pampered while laboring), but also very much for my partner's ease.

So--congratulations! Sounds like there is some very positive movement occurring in your life right now....yay. Seldom easy, always rewarding. You go and let the love flow.

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ITA...sounds like you might need to compromise a little, and to ease his fears, a UC supportive mw might just be the ticket. Then you could get to work repairing your relationship even more. Congrats on the progress...

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I liked the way you put that...thank you

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I'm going to look into this first...thanks for the advice!

I think if having the u/s will ease some of your dh's concerns, then you should consider it as beneficial. If you are having a UP, going for an ultrasound doesn't detract from the experience because you are still fully in charge of your care, you are just hiring a technician for the scan. Also, it will help because it will confirm that everything is "good to go" for a straightforward birth.

When I had my ds it was just me, dh and dd. Dh was in charge of dd once things got intense for me. I played with her and nursed her for her nap and stayed with her while she slept, then nursed her again when she woke up. But once I really got into labor, we pulled out the "goody bag" I'd made for her - a new stuffy, a couple of books and some beatrix potter dvd's - and dh sat with her and slowly went through the bag with her while I labored nearby. He did a great job keeping dd off me when I got in different positions and she thought that meant "have fun climbing under and over mommy". I had everything I needed for labor and birth in a big tub and spread out on the bed within arm's reach.

Also, I gave dh a short list of emergency situations where he would need to get me to the hospital (we were in a hotel across the street because I had to get out of the house during labor - living with ILs). I also had someone who would take my dd if we had needed to transfer. So if your dh can handle being the babysitter and in charge of the phone, and you are capable of doing the rest, you're probably good to go. For some people (it sounds like your dh may be this type) having contingency plans in place help them to stop worrying so they can be present in the moment. "Knowing" that everything is normal with the u/s and "knowing" that there are plans in place to deal with an emergency lets them feel in control so they can leave their nervous feelings behind and get into that confident headspace so they can welcome a baby through uc.

Good luck and let us know how everything goes.

I would do what is needed to restore your marriage relationship. I don't mean to say stop being who your are, but if you have discovered that your heart and spirit was closed off it is up to you to make the open gestures that he needs. The way your baby comes into the world is important, but what does it benefit if that world is devoid of the love between mommy and daddy that children so desperately need. I pray that this pregnancy and birth will bring a renewed (and new) closeness and intimacy between you two.

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I can't find the words here, but I think you're doing the right thing. Sometimes birth isn't magical: it's always a miracle, though. It can be rude and base and earthy and that's OK.

I'd confirm the pregnancy for the reasons listed (mainly the compromise aspect and generously putting out your hand by doing this FOR HIM, in the hopes that it will be a bridge to the relationship).

I'd stick with u/s simply because more can be done with an u/s then a simple blood serum (besides most of the time if you aren't getting positives on a pee stick then you aren't going to get one by blood, either).

With an u/s you can go ahead and confirm dates and that all parts are there, and on the chance that there is no baby or pregnancy the sonographer can maybe determine what the swelling is about.

The birth and I'd make plans for once I had a date. Even if you can find a MW willing to be on call she'll still need a reasonable EDD (emphasis on the first E). Being on call is tough. Being on call without a date window has got to be tougher!
: hope all is well.