Mothering Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
991 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
As I think some/most of you know, my mom said she refused to let me move in or help me in any way since I keep leaving and going back. Which really makes her a hypocrite being married 5 times not to mention the countless boyfriends she went back and forth to BUT that aside...<br>
I spoke to her yesterday and she said she's giving me ONE chance. I have to call her Sunday and let her know if I'm leaving. If I'm not, she's not going to help me again. If I am, she'll pick me up Monday.<br><br>
I'm trying to get stuff straight in my head<br><br>
I think the saddest part of all of this, isn't so much the one or two small times of physical abuse. The saddest part is that honestly I just don't feel like I love him. I have felt this way for a while but didn't want to admit that maybe the guy I had a child with isn't the person I want to be with. I accepted his proposal because something in me said "well maybe this can work" but I know it can't <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">. It's just such a sad realization to come to. And I know the only one suffering in this is little Jacob. He's very young (not even 6 months yet) but I know he can sense things, all babies can.<br><br>
With that said it's obvious what I have to do. Call my mom on Sunday and tell her to get me. I know it's going to be hard, but I have to do it. I can hear him now if he tries to contact me..."Things were going so well! I don't understand!" Maybe he's being nice right now, maybe at the moment we're getting along but that's not always the case and he's shown that to me time and time again. Not to mention that honestly I don't think it matters how "good" things are when I know in the depths of my heart that I don't want to be with him forever. It's so sad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">.<br><br>
I had told some of my friends about how it really upset me because his ex always left and came back, etc etc, and how he hates her now. Then when they mentioned something it dawned on me - I have NO idea what her side of the story is. There's a good chance that he may have treated her just like he treats me! Maybe she was a "psycho" because he drove her crazy! It all just makes so much sense now.<br><br>
Anyhow just a vent/update <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
131 Posts
I'm glad your mum is coming through for you after all. I'm sorry she is placing conditions on it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I know my parents did some of that to me when I left my ex and it made things feel harder because of it. It would be nice to feel unconditionally supported. I know in my case it was because they could see those things that I didn't want to see...like you said, he was being nice at the moment, but they could see what was coming later.<br><br>
I really think it will be so much easier for your ds to go through things now though than to go through them in a couple years. And once you realize that you don't love your partner I really don't think things will ever change. Being strong now will be so much better for you and your ds in the long run.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
325 Posts
Hi Mamma Christi, It sounds to me like a truth is coming to the surface for you. It sounds like you know what needs to happen, it's a matter of dealing with your feelings of guilt, regret, etc.<br><br>
It takes courage to act on our truth. I personally believe (I darn well hope!) that when we are really making the most honest choice, as we take the leap, that's the worst time... and that things open up from there, new possibilities, surprises, and if we continue to put one foot in front of the other and do what feels most true & honest & authentic, we end up with a path that is better than we could have planned or dreamed.<br><br>
I do think there may be challenges and some suffering, I do not mean to paint a rosy story, but nothing you/we can't handle.<br><br>
(As a side thought, I have a baby, too. I am not sure he is suffering. I do not think that marriage no matter what is always what makes for a happy/healthy childhood. I do not know what this is really like for my kids deep down, and they probably don't either, quite yet, but I am keeping my mind open about what might be in their best interest in the long term. Somehow I think I'm on the trail of it, even though it does not look anything like what I'd always expected and hoped.)<br><br>
I really hear a rising clarity in your post.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
I don't know the entire story, but maybe your mom is putting the restrictions on you because she doesn't want you to make the same "mistakes" as she did. Sounds like she's trying the "do as i say, not as i do" approach out of love.<br><br>
It sounds like you know what you need to do, I wish you the strength and courage to do so. Leaving and the fear of the unknown are always so very hard to deal with <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top