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I can't believe I am 24, have 2 kids, and preparing to file for divorce from a near 7 year marraige.<br>
I am new the this forum. DH and I have been married almost 7 years. It has been alot of years of fighting and trying to work things out. We have 2 beautiful children too. I admit, we have never had the perfect relationship, but I had no idea things where "unbearable" for my DH. Last year in June he began saying things like "I feel so alone" and "I'm just not happy here". Mostly he was tired of feeling like our then 2 year old was higher on the todem pole than he was. He was jealous of our child! He hated that I was always taking care of DS and not him??? He was jealous that I stayed home while he worked and was a full time college student. He felt the time I spent w/ him wasn't enough and that he supported me financially and I wasn't supportive to him. Then I found out he wanted a realationship w/ his coworker. At the time I was 7 month pregnant w/ our daughter. It was hard, and very stressful. He ended up quiting his job and being unemployed for 6 months. I thought we had worked thru alot of our problems.<br><br>
I guess I was wrong. Last tuesday he started saying all of the same things too me. 11 months later and I hear the same story?? But this time he as told me that he hasn't been inlove w/ me for 2 years. I feel like the last 2 years of my life have been a lie. Our kids are 3 1/2 and 9 months. He has also admitted that he just isnt' ready for a "big family". WTF???? My head has been spinning for 10 days now. He swears there is noone else this time, but you know what? I don't care! We have had problems from the beggining. I am sick of this!<br><br>
I know everything isn't his fault. I have a quick temper, and I know how to push his buttons. But he is very controlling, verbally abusive, and did I meantion CONTROLLING! He says most of his dissatisfaction in our marriage comes from the limitations I have set in the bedroom. Yes, I have set limitations, because I endured alot of abuse as a child. There are some "things" I just cannot do.<br><br>
Other than that he claims I am not supportive enough. He wants us to sell our home and move cross country to California to be w/ his family for support. I think this would be a really STUPID move for me because his family is supportive of him, NOT me! Why would I sell our home, leave everyone I know, to follow a man that has admitted he doesn't love me to live w/ his family?<br><br>
He continues to tell me I am worthless, and he is sick of supporting me (ha!). He says I will never find anyone else that loves me like him (again, HA!). Then he says "Are you going to hit me up for child support?" HIT HIM UP!!!!! They are <i>his</i> children! Why wouldn't he help support them??? Urg!<br><br>
And what really just pissed me off and was the last straw was that I was in a car accident yesterday. I had asked him to watch the kids while I took 1 hour for myself. He told me not to leave, but I really needed a break. I was only 5 minutes from home when someone hit me. My car was totalled, but I am ok. He didn't even ask if I was OK. He just said "I told you not to leave home" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/af.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="aunt flo"> I really need to scream! I just don't understand how this is my life...<br><br>
I think the worst part of it all is that I came out of college because both of us working and going to school was too much. We agreed that as soon as he was done, I would go to school. Well he graduated last friday. Now he has plans to leave! How could I be so stupid?<br><br>
And he keeps going back and forth on leaving and staying. I wish he would leave. I have hit my BullS limit for this relationship. I can take no more. NO MORE!!!!<br><br>
Thanks ladies for listening to my rant. I just don't know where to get started on this new life I have to start. Single w/ 2 kids? No career (though I am planning to enroll in real estate school this week), and little/no family support. I feel like I am too young to be going thru this. And I apologize for my jumpled rant <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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oh (((((HUGS))))<br><br>
I am so sorry to hear that all of this is going on. I wouldnt know what it was like to have a husband be unsupportive b/c dd father is in jail!! But i am sure that it is not fun. with 2 kids how much attention does he want? well hopefully someone can give you some good advice on here. I am sorry again. it will get better for you and your children!!!<br><br>
((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) )))))
 

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I am sorry you are in a rough place right now, mama, but you will find a lot of support on this board. It will get better, and you will make it through, you are stronger than you even know yet.<br><br>
We are always here to listen, in the days ahead, let us know how things are going for you. Peace to you, mama. Karen
 

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I was in a marriage much like yours. I stayed 10 years, but left last summer and it is the best thing I could have ever done for me and my children. Honestly it will be hard, but things get better day by day. I wouldn't move closer to his family either. I lived my entire marriage around his family and they were of no support to me. As for school, you don't need him one little bit, because you can get grants for tuition, books and even childcare. You can even take some classes online. I can't describe the feeling I get when I know that I am making my own decisions based on what I want, not based on what his reaction will be. It's getting close to a year since I left and I sometimes catch myself getting worried about his reaction to something I've done or said. Then I remember that I am free as bird!
 

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Hugs to you!<br><br>
I've gone through a very similar thing, and I have tons of sympathy! Some things to keep in mind...<br><br>
life will get better.<br>
having two beautiful kids is infinitely better than not having two beautiful kids.<br>
you'll now be free to make your own choices and live your own life.<br><br>
I also would make sure you give yourself time to adjust to things, and check into all your options. Real Estate is great, but if you want to finish your degree there are tons of supports for single moms. I just found out about a "Women's Resource Center" which focuses on displaced homemakers (not what I'd call myself, necessarily, but hey!) and they have lots of info/support, maybe there's one in your area! Try calling 211 and see... And from my own experience, I think you're more in control of things if you file for divorce, rather than letting him do it.<br><br>
Sorry about your car accident, and are you okay??? You deserve to have people around who care/support you...who make you a better, stronger person. Good luck!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I can so relate to so much you said. Please know you are worth more. You are worthy of being loved deeply and cared for.<br><br>
Isn't it amazing how you can work hard and support someone thru school, waiting patiently for your turn and then all of a sudden when they are done....oops! still not your turn :p (think I am bitter much?) I was supposed to be able to pursue a degree in anthropology, and my plan was to write (maybe get grants for field research if I am lucky)...well, that just won't work as a single mama, so now I am slogging my way thru a degree in business management. I am so sorry that you went thru similar. Just keep telling yourself that one day you *will* get to do what you dream of!!<br><br>
Have you checked into getting food stamps/medicaid/temporary aid for needy families? It might really help while you are going to school. I was on TANF for a couple months, they make it really hard though so now I am living on child support and food stamps while I finish school (it helps that my folks are my landlords) and I am looking for a part time job because it just really isn't enough money.<br><br>
When you are feeling alone and sad cme here for support! The ladies here really do care alot and are great friends.!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Today was just awful before my husband left for work. We are out of food becuase I have no car to go grocery shopping in. I asked him to go buy some bread and milk. He outright refused. He said "STARVE!". Then he said if I was so concerned I should walk to the store. The closest store is about 3 miles all uphill, pushing a double stroller, in 90 degree weather AND THERE IS NO SIDEWALK!. How could he not even care about the safety of his children? There is no end to this mans insanity! I had a friend come by to take us. I had to wash down a spare carseat that was in the garage, and borrow another carseat from my neighbor, just to go grocery shopping. *sigh*<br><br>
The fighting was really bad this morning. He keeps demanding to know how I will pay the bills when he leaves?? I dont' even know why he cares. When I told him it was none of his business he ran across the room and put his hands around my neck and pushed me down. He didn't choke me, but it was really scary. He has never been physically abusive, verbal is more his style. I don't know what to do now. I am starting to get scared. He is absolutely refusing to leave the house. He won't give me a credit card so I can pay for real estate school either. And he is refusing to go to mississippi for school. How do I get him out of the house?<br><br>
I feel like I am living in a fog. Almost like my life is a movie, but it just can't be real. I feel paralilzed to do something drastic, but know it is my only way out. God please come hold my hand. Ladies, please pray for me and my children. I have to find a way out of this marraige.
 

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Ok Honey..here is goes... YOU cannot do this alone. you need help. I think maybe it is time to get some. he is mentally, verbally and NOW physically abusing you. I know what your going through and NO your not overreacting. no your not crazy and NO he isn't going to get better without help.<br>
You need to open a phonebook and look up a number and call.<br>
we will all be here for you but this is something you need to do sweety..it's ok..and it will get better but you have to do this..I know its hard..but remember we are strong woman and we will be strong for our children..<br>
(((HUGS)))<br>
please keep us posted
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I will reiterate what the others have told you - leave, get out now, don't wait any longer. This man is not worth your time or energy, and you and the children deserve better. Look in the community help pages of the phone book - there should be an organization there to help women in abusive relationships get the help they need. I left a 6.5 year abusive marriage back in December, and as tough as it was, I have never felt better or more in control of my life. It will be a hard road, but so worth it in the end.<br><br>
Good luck to you - keep us posted on your progress.
 

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Spicey Mama, trust yourself that you have the strength to do this!! I also think you will have to make the move to get help, and get out of this relationship. If he's starting to become abusive physically, he's more likely to do that tonight, tomorrow, etc. Also, I would call the police and report what happened. My stbx pushed me down to the floor when I was seven months pregnant and I didn't report it, but if I had the legal situation would have been much better. You can even still report it, and tell the police how scared you are. I wish I had in part because it would have been good legally, but also because stbx was so out of touch with reality he thought he could do anything (from abuse to ruining us financially to manipulating dd) and an actual arrest might have really sobered him up.<br><br>
Please take care of yourself and your family!
 

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Where are you in Georgia? I live in Georgia also, and am involved with a domestic violence task force in my area. There are systems set up all over the state to help women like you get out yourself and your children of these awful situations. And they will continue to protect you all until you can get on your feet.<br>
If you don't have a shelter, call your local sheriff's office, or your local police department. The way things are being done in GA, <b>all</b> police, hospital, and dfacs offices are working together to help protect domestic violence sufferers, and there are systems in place to help from start to finish. These people are there to help keep you safe, and will do it confidentially.<br>
I don't mean to sound judgemental, but, as the pps said, you really need to get out of that house. Sounds like his behavior is escalating quickly and you and your children may be in danger. I know it's hard to take that first step, but you can do it. If not for you, do it for your precious babes.<br>
Be safe mama. I'll be thinking of you...
 

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O.k.,so now he's Crossing the line big time on the abuse thing.Make sure you DOCUMENT everything,Otherwise it's his word against yours in court.It can and will get ugly.BE SMART AND STAY RATIONAL ABOUT WHATS HAPPENING.You might want to consider going to a womens shelter until you can get him out of the house.It would be safer for you and the kids.Your in my prayers. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Ladies, thanks for all of your support. After I posted last nite he came home and went off again. Screaming, and cursing. He hit me again, this time on my leg. He started ranting about taking everything from me, our kids, our home and any money in the bank. He said he would rather the house burn down before giving it to me. He said he hated how I put the mutherfuc**rs first (refering to our children!). I was terrified all nite and haven't had much sleep. He left early for work this morning while I nursed DD. She is teething and has a fever. He didn't care she was sick, but why should this be a suprise? Anyhow once he left I called my mother and asked her to come and get us. I told her he was hitting me. She said that I needed to calm down and she would talk to him!!!!! URGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!<br><br>
I called a local shelter and an abuse hotline to get some advice. Then I called a friend and told her what has been going on. She said she is coming to get us. I am packing about a weeks worth of clothes, all of DDs diapers, and just a few other things. I can't take alot though. I have already transfered some funds at the bank, so we should be okay for awhile. I have to get out of here before he gets off work tonite. I am really scared that he is going to call the bank, or even go by to withdraw funds and found out what I did, and come home. God I am terrified.<br>
I have to go by the police department today because when I was in the accident on wednesday, the cop forgot to give me my license back. So while I am there I will talk with them about making a report.<br><br>
You ladies are so strong, to have made it out of situations like this. I am so scared it feels like everything I am doing is wrong. Prior to 2 weeks ago I really enjoyed my life. I can't believe how bad things have become so quickly. Thank you for all of your support here. I will try to check in tonite, once we are out of here.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am glad you are getting out,both for you and your kiddos.<br><br>
I am saying prayers and lighting a candle for you.<br><br>
Stay strong, don't let ANYONE talk you in to going back there!
 

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Good for you for getting out! Please remember to bring important documents, and any important sentimental items. He sounds a lot like my ex (who strangled me while I was nursing our baby right before I left), and I lost a lot of my important things when I left. Your stbx will most likely go on a destructive rampage once he realizes you've left... DON"T GO BACK TO HIM, even if he says he will change.<br><br>
God, I remember the surreal fear you described feeling! The terror of having the person you devoted your life too, hurting you and your children so much! You and your family are in my prayers. Oh, I'm feeling that pain again... oh mama, hold your babies tight and stay safe.<br><br>
Bless you,<br>
Karen
 

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nak-<br><br>
I am so glad you are leaving. You are strong. You and your sweet babes are in my thoughts. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Bless you and your babes and all who help you! Sounds like you are making some wonderful steps, and I agree with the other posters about trying to take important documents...especially birth certificates, marriage licenses, savings bonds, etc. But don't worry if you've already gone (as I hope you have) because you can get all these things again if you want it, and no material thing as as precious as your children and their mother.<br><br>
I agree about the surrealness...I still have trouble believing my life has changed so much in such a short period of time. But really, what he's done is beyond any reasonable limit, and he's never going to come back from this. You'll really never be able to trust him again, because he's shown you now who he really is and what he's really capable of. No amount of charmingness in the future will be able to change who he truly is, though it may be hard to keep that in mind. You, on the otherhand, have to hold on to the fact that you haven't changed, either...you're still the wonderful mother and even wonderful spouse that you were before! Imagine if all this were happening to your daughter...then if your husband was any sort of decent man, he'd be urging her to seek safety and a decent life, too. You deserve all that. Bless you, good luck, and please check in with us when your safe! You'll be in my prayers!
 

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Hi Spicey Momma - We're thinking about you and hoping you're ok. When you get a chance, please check in with us... we're really worried about you! I'm so thankful that you have a supportive friend to bring you and your children to safety!<br><br>
Love,<br>
Karen
 

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Natasha,<br><br>
Remember, it sometimes feels very dark before a light opens up. The fog you feel is a reorganization of your deep strength. You are embarking on a journey that will change your life. You can do it. Take the advice of the ladies on this board and all others that you reach out to. Just because things aren't as you expected them to be, doesn't mean they aren't happening for the right reason.<br><br>
You are strong and you are a mother. One minute at a time. We are here for you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can't see it now - you aren't supposed to. Keep focused on getting yourself and kids to a safe spot and you will be okay.<br><br>
Let us know how you're doing!
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Things didn't work out for me getting out of the house. My mother said she would come get us. So I told my friend she didn't have too. Then my mother called back and said I needed to stay and work thru this. So I was stuck and terrified. DH ended up coming home mad (got a speeding ticket on the way) and I was upset because DD had a temp of 102.4. He did some really crazy, scary things. The police arrested him for family violence last nite. This morning I was told he has 5 or 6 charges. Bare with me, I don't know the technical names. Simple battery, tresspassing (I dont' know why though??), family violence, interferring w/ a 911 call, cruelty to children. We are ok, noone was physically hurt. My bedroom is pretty smashed up though. Today his father posted bond for him. My mother is supposidly picking him up right now and taking him back to her house (about 1 1/2 hours away). All DH can talk about is fixing us and making things better so we can become a family. He has some valid points, but I am just too scared to even think about it. The worst part is he just graduated from college and was planning to become a teacher. I don't know if he will be able to do that now. He may even serve some sentence time. The whole situation is just awful. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I am in the process of getting some soft of plan together to start rebuilding a new life.
 
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