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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To update on our BM situation...I spoke with her to let her know A was home. She immediately starting talking about her other kids and their asthma, field trips, her mom..etc. I listened for about 5 minutes and then cut her off. I said, "T, I don't want to come across sounding like a b****, but I just wanted to let you know that she was out of the hospital. I am not really cool with you and I don't want to hear all of this. She said, "oh okay." Then we hung up.<br><br>
I was talking with DH last night and mentioned something about J (A's older half-sister) not being able to come and hang out at our house again. He looked at me funny and asked me why she would not be coming back. I was kind of surprised by that. I realize that neither J or A did anything. But after all that has happened between BM, DH, and myself...is it really a good idea to have her in our home? We cannot trust BM...who knows what she'll pull and to be completely honest...I don't want her here. I don't want to go on as if everything is okay. As if nothing bad happened and our opinion of her has not changed. I'm not saying A can't see J...I just don't think our home is the right place for that to happen. Am I wrong? You can be honest...I promise I won't flip out this time around...<br><br>
When A was in the hospital and BM and her siblings came to see her...They all talked about how A would be spending time with them at their home. -eyes crossing- Yes, we said that was okay but there were steps to get to that point..none of which she has taken and she has actually taken several steps backwards by ditching our "date" to meet up twice in a matter of 4 days....Then not calling to explain or even talk to A. Also, we stated that the earliest this would be happening would be this summer after school is out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: What do I do? Let it go? Don't say anything about it until BM brings it up to us? Avoid avoid avoid??? (I vote avoid! Yes, I am at that point again...I can see my big THIS IS UNFAIR temper tantrum in the near future...poor DH.)<br><br>
Elizabeth
 

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Does A want a relationship with J? I haven't read all your posts. I have a sister & two brothers and I couldn't imagine not being around them everyday growing up. Obviously J & A won't have see each other everyday but I am not sure it's the best thing to not allow the relationship to blossom.<br><br>
I think you have to be very careful not to put the BM's actions on her children. I don't know if that is the case here but if DH doesn't have a problem with it you may want to rethink the issue.
 

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How does Angelica feel about all of this? Does she want a relationship with her bm, sister?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yes, she does. She craves it. She has asked us if J could move in with us. So I'm thinking that maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should not say no to J coming back for a sleepover. I get that she wants to build a relationship with her. I never intended to stop her from doing that..I was just hoping she could do it in another place besides our home. So...since I'm leaning towards changing my mind..do you have any ideas on how I can handle this? What to allow and what not to? I am concerned that BM may try and play dirty and say something inappropriate happened while J is here...I don't want to deal with her games but I cannot make her stop. It's pretty much the way it is going to be...she is incapable of being mature and staying on point...She WILL do and say things she should not. Since we know that in advance how do we handle it? I just assumed it was best that we not give her an opportunity to "act up". Help! Now I'm even more confused lol.<br><br>
Elizabeth
 

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At this point I would lean towards having J sleep over. At least the visit is on your turf so that you can control the situation.<br><br>
Try to make sure that J isn't alone with anyone during her visit. That way, if BM wants to try to pull something, you will have "witnesses."<br><br>
We have my stbsd's sister sleep over regularly, and ahe has been a wonderful addition to our family. She even comes to holidays. J might really appreciate the opportunity to be in a more stable household, even for one weekend/month.
 
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