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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So this is more of a vent. I am hurt and pissed off right now. The heart of the issue is that my son's birthday is this Wednesday, and my husband did not get off work for it.<br><br>
Before you think that's not such a big deal, it is to ME. We don't have parties for the kids. We have always not had a party and just done something very special on his birthday. We go to his favorite place, give him his gifts, make his favorite foods, and I bake him a special cake. We plan to do this for both kids each birthday until they ask for it to change (decide they want a party, etc.). This was my husband's idea, as he is the one who hates parties and just wanted to spend the day each year as a family. I was OK with it but made it clear that I wanted the day of his birth celebrated. The day is not only special for my son but it is special to ME as I remember what I was doing that day, giving birth to him. Furthermore, my DH is not big on holidays, birthdays, etc. and thinks they are no big deal. We have compromised and don't celebrate some but the birthday's are on the list to still celebrate, and they are most important to me. He knows this.<br><br>
Yes, we can do it on another day, but I simply don't want to, it's not the same, and I already made plans for the day of his birth. Maybe I'm being stubborn but I just found out about this today that he is not off on our son's birthday. He just told me, and only because I specifically asked. I'm hurt that he doesn't think its important enough to take off for, especially given our traditions (not to mention HE was the one that wanted it this way originally). And I'm pissed off that now I have to either go change all of our plans to do it a different day, or keep it on Wednesday and do it without him. Both options upset me.<br><br>
We celebrate the fact that we have DS every single day so maybe I am being whiney, pouty, whatever... but I needed to get this off my chest as I'm just really upset at the moment since I just found out. The day of his actual birth is special to me and I thought it was just as special to DH, too. I'm not a stickler on "actual days" for many things, but our kids births, I am.<br><br>
ETA - Forgot to mention that DH makes his schedule at work, and typically can take off whenever. He doesn't work a 9-5, off on weekends job. He is usually off two days in the middle of the week.
 

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If my husband weren't in the military, and forgot to take a day off like that, he'd be coming down with the runs or something that day, that would prevent him from going to work. And, if he knew what was good for him, he'd start complaining about not feeling well on Tuesday.
 

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That super sucks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s Did you tell him about how the kids' birthday makes you connect to the day of their birth & all? Perhaps he doesn't get the gravity of it for you. (I'm the same way, get all sappy)
 

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That really sucks, I can't imagine his reasoning. I'm sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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That sucks. I'm 23 and my mom still makes sure she takes my birthday off from work. It makes me feel really special and slightly spoiled too.
 

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ETA - Forgot to mention that DH makes his schedule at work, and typically can take off whenever. He doesn't work a 9-5, off on weekends job. He is usually off two days in the middle of the week.</div>
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Wow, that is disappointing! I was prepared to make excuses based on my own experience until you included this. (I never did and still don't expect Xh to take work days off because he gets paid hourly and would lose over $100 for taking a day off in the middle of the week!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks everyone. I know it's a little whiney and probably a small issue to many but it is just big to me. I don't ever complain that he has to work every freakin holiday and bad hours but this day is just special to me.<br>
We did have a talk last night... not sure it got anywhere, though.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>wife&mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11630106"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">my DH is not big on holidays, birthdays, etc. and thinks they are no big deal. We have compromised and don't celebrate some but the birthday's are on the list to still celebrate, and they are most important to me.</div>
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I think the core of the issue is this. Not so much actual day, this particular birthday, his work hours -- but the fact that ritual and "special-ness" is not something he's ever going to instigate on his own and you've already downgraded your celebration feeling for him. Now he's backing out of that bare minimum you agreed to.<br><br>
It's a big problem IMO not just petty, as you said, -- it's about recognition of your need for noting special moments along life's path (a very ancient human activity, part of our natures - don't let him get away with "it's all the same, you appreciate your son every day, who needs a Hallmark moment" kind of stuff).<br><br>
I think you have to keep talking until he gets what this means to you or the issue is going to pop up many more times in the future.<br><br>
I understand you on this one. I'm mostly responsible for holidays and specialness in our family, and noting these occasions is important to me.
 

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i definitely understand your frustration and would insist that he take the day off regardless.<br><br>
i do not think that you should change plans, and i do think that you should tell lhim that if he doesn't take the day off, you're very angry with him about it.
 

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I think given the circumstances you described, I would be upset as well. Does you DH really realize the gravity of this? Does he understand that it is important to celebrate the actual DAY of the birthday?<br><br>
With my DH if I don't spell things out explicitly for him, he just will not get it. If I need him to be around for a certain event I have to be sure to not just TELL him, but e-mail him as well. He is scatterbrained and very busy at work, so he needs this reminder. Did your DH maybe just forget?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I did ask him if he just forgot or if it just wasn't as important to him. He said he didn't forget and it was important to him, but he just couldn't do it. I don't buy it since he's had a year to plan for this and could have made arrangements for someone to work, close the place, etc. He was talking about doing a vacation to Disney and I was asking him why he could schedule that but not this and he didn't have an answer for me.<br>
Anyway, it appears he is trying to get someone to work for him. I'm still upset though that it took me throwing a fit for him to do this, but I will be happy if ultimately he gets the day off. Hopefully he will remember this for the future. I just feel like it's not a lot to ask for this one day (well, two, because I will expect the same for our DD) when I am so open to other holidays and his crazy work schedule otherwise. I mean we go to a car show on Thanksgiving for goodness sake because that's what HE wants to do. It would not be my choice but I do it. (He has holiday issues from childhood, he says.) So I do expect a little give on their birthdays, and again I was already compromising because this is how he wanted to celebrate (no party/celebration with others).
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I know how you feel.<br><br>
I really wanted to start a tradition of taking the day off from work on children's birthdays to celebrate the day in a full and special way.<br><br>
DH does not take off birthdays, though.<br><br>
He doesn't take off from work for his own birthday, my birthday, or anyone else's birthday.<br><br>
He doesn't take off for anniversaries or any other significant events either.<br><br>
That's just him. I'd like it to be different, but I've really given up trying. The thing is you can still take off the day and make it a very special birthday. Yeah, it's not the same, but it will still be special. That is what I do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
He got it off!! I am very happy that we will be spending the day together. I am still a little pissed that obviously he COULD do it and said that he couldn't... but I am thankful we will have the day together. Hopefully he will see what this means to me and not do it again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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