[MeganW]

My DH and I are supposed to have our first hearing tomorrow to attempt to get joint equal custody of his children. A lot of things are coming up and he's having to jump through a lot of hoops to prepare for tomorrow. (Something I totally expected but apparently he wasn't prepared for) He is supposed to meet with the attorney in a couple of hours to walk through tomorrow etc. Well I called home to see if he has spoken with the attorney and DH says I don't want to do this? We've paid a $1500 retainer filed with the court etc and besides that if he doesn't work towards resolving something before the 18th he could possibly go to jail. So is there any advice on how to encourage him that his kids are worth the trouble and really a nice way to tell him to GROW UP!!! I'm fed up. One of the agreements we made before we got married is that he wuold take care of all this. Now he's backing out.

BTW He's angry that he has to disclose income, assets, etc and that he may be requested to take a drug test or have a homestudy all of which he feels are serious invasions of his privacy.

 

[Zilla]

I agree with you, it does sound like he needs to grow up. If he wants to see his kids, he needs to get on the ball. If he stops the fight now, he could look pretty bad in the eyes of a judge. Remind him gently but firmly what is at stake here (like jail time and seeing his kids). Not to mention all the time and money you both have already put into this. Aren't his kids worth it to him???

Could he be depressed? I know with the court stuff this would be a bad time. If you want to avoid a doc or if he refuses, try natural methods such as excersize, massages, and tryptophan. Custody issues with my hubby makes him pretty depressed.

Help him out by doing whatever you can as far as paperwok and stuff, and encourage him and remind him of what the outcome would mean (having his kiddos around

)

As far as the disclosing info goes, thats something everyone in a custody situation have to do. But don't forget, anything your husband has to do the ex-wife has to do too. If he takes a drug test, the ex has to also. And anything he has to disclose, his ex does also. If she isn't at this point, you have every right to request that she does (and she should!).

Good luck to you guys and let me know how things turn out for ya'll.

 

[MeganW]

Zilla thanks for your reply. I've spoken with him again and he says he's going through with tomorrow. I've have done EVERYTHING up to this point. The only I couldn't do was fill out the questionaire for him and I can't take the drug tests for him. I've talked to the lawyer, dug up some interesting info and relayed that to the lawyer payed the bill everything. He's definately getting anxious about the situation but I just don't understand why he lets it get to him sooo bad. Everyone has told him he really has nothing to be concerned with. One of his best friends was married to the girls sister and didn't have any trouble getting his kids back. One good thing is my DH was never married to this girl. So that is one issue we didn't have to deal with. She is very hung up on assets. ( She had several questions added to the standard ones pertaining to this) We were married in June however the house was in my name before we were married (for a year) This is not community property correct? Since it wasn't acquired During the marriage? Other than that he has nothing and I mean nothing but apparently she is really thinking she's entitled to what I have.

 

[flapjack]

My DH will often say "I don't want to do this" when in a stressful situation: it's his way of acknowledging that he feels really stressed and miserable and wishes that he'd never started it. Acknowledge his feelings, which are valid, but keep him moving forwards.

 

[Zilla]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeganW Other than that he has nothing and I mean nothing but apparently she is really thinking she's entitled to what I have.

She probably does think she is entitled to what you have. What a greedy little *fill in the blank*!!! This part really sucks, believe me I know, but when its over, ITS OVER! That's it, and you don't have to deal with it anymore.

 

[MeganW]

I just want to say he pulled hisself together and yesterday went VERY well. She tried to ask for drug testing (which because she's asking for legal they told her she'd have to pay for) on just him. Our attorney said not unless you are too. She said I can't afford it and the Master said "I'm sorry" "No testing". We requested a home study. She said to her Public defender "what's that" ( i was sitting behind her) PD said something quick to her and she nodded. Then Master said ok looked our atty and said which one do you want the one from DSS we said YES she looked shocked. I'm not sure who she thought was coming to visit but obviously she didn't think it was them. Her excuse for the drug test was trumped up based on a "visit" she made to our house. I'm pretty sure someone better advise her that info gained while breaking the law is probably NOT admissable. She was trespassing. Do you know if we can have that thrown out? She walked into our home uninvited and unannounced and woke my DH up he was napping with the baby? He told her to leave and she did but she should not have been there in the first place. Sorry about that rant. Trial is Nov9th.

 

[Zilla]

Awesome news that her pulled together for ya'll. Sounds like it went pretty good for you guys. Seems like you did your homework and she didn't, great advantage for you cuz it looks like you care (which you obviously do). Good luck with the homestudy and the trial. Keep us updated!

 

[MeganW]

As of right now DH has to go to a co parenting class first week in sep. Should I attend as well? Will a 9 and 10yrold be asked to testify? How seriously would it be taken. What's to keep their mother from telling them what to say? A lot of the things that their mother has sited as reason for him NOT to have the children are simply untrue. Like abuse and lack of communication. If the children were repeatedly allowed to visit after the incident she sited as being the main reason the children were not allowed to spend time with their father wouldn't that make it look like she wasn't genuinely concerned about the incident or that it may not have even happened?