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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What would you do if you found your spouse had lied to you and decieved you when you otherwise thougt you had a perfect relationship. Keep in mind if you are the kind of person who thinks that lying is the same as any other kind of horrible abuse. I have caught my spouse doing things I do not approve of before and he promised me to the stars never to do the things in question again. I do not know what to think I have proof he deliberatly tried to conceal communications with a person who is detrimental to our family for the sake of a job. I only found out about it from a a mutual friend am I correct to be upset here? for the record this person is someonw who wanted to sleep with him when she knew full well he was married.<br>
I am devistated mamas I need some help.
 

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You are right to be upset. I want to be of help, but not sure of how...<br>
Is your dh reasonable if approached in an unaccusing way?<br>
Do you know the woman in question? Is she trying to break up your marriage? If so, then your dh has NO business with her in ANY capacity!<br>
Keep us posted and best wishes <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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I want to help but I'm not sure what's going on. Can you try to be a little more specific and just use fictitious names?<br><br>
Generally speaking, yes it is wrong of your dh to decieve you. I'm sorry you're going through hard times. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s I would be upset also. I hope everything is ok.
 

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I would be very upset, if not because of the action but for the deception. I think trust is very, very important in a relationship, no matter what the subject... it's the principal of the matter. Deception, lying, doing something behind someone's back - even if it was something that might seem "Little" to casual observers it might mean a LOT to someone who values trust very much in their relationship.<br><br>
I'm sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>atomicmama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You are right to be upset. I want to be of help, but not sure of how...<br>
Is your dh reasonable if approached in an unaccusing way?<br>
Do you know the woman in question? Is she trying to break up your marriage? If so, then your dh has NO business with her in ANY capacity!<br>
Keep us posted and best wishes <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"></div>
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I do know the woman...she is a druggie and a totally NON NFL mama!!!!!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pilesoflaundry</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s I would be upset also. I hope everything is ok.</div>
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I just do not know what to do...I am <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><br>
right now and even went and bought a pack of smokes something I had given up YEARS ago......I just do not know what to think anymore I am sooo upset!I just feel like dying and if it was not for my kids I would,
 

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guestmama12, I'm so confused as to what is going on. Are you saying you caught your dh cheating on you in the past and now he has secretly been contacting a woman who wants to sleep with him to break up your marriage? And you just found all of this out?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>littleteapot</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would be very upset, if not because of the action but for the deception. I think trust is very, very important in a relationship, no matter what the subject... it's the principal of the matter. Deception, lying, doing something behind someone's back - even if it was something that might seem "Little" to casual observers it might mean a LOT to someone who values trust very much in their relationship.<br><br>
I'm sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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Thankyou we had the perfect relationship there was nothng out of place this has hit me like a shit ton of bricks. I dont know what to do right now I have been on mothering for at least 2 years by another name in case anyone is wondering <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> guestmama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Try to talk about this with us if you can. We're listening.<br><br><br>
*ETA: Sorry, I keep cross-posting w/you somehow
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaAllNatural</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">guestmama12, I'm so confused as to what is going on. Are you saying you caught your dh cheating on you in the past and now he has secretly been contacting a woman who wants to sleep with him to break up your marriage? And you just found all of this out?</div>
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No this woman was introduced to us by a former best friend and we lived with her for a short time while waiting for our apartment to be ready during that time she hit on my husband many times and left us babysitting her kids while she was out doing drugs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaAllNatural</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> guestmama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Try to talk about this with us if you can. We're listening.<br><br><br>
*ETA: Sorry, I keep cross-posting w/you somehow</div>
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mamaallnatural I do truly love your posts and I am always a reader of what your write thankyou right now this means more than you can imagine<br><br>
I just need to know does he desevre another chance or am I being an idiot to think so.
 

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So, has this just happened today (tonight)? Was he contacting her by phone or have they been seeing eachother?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I know the boards are going down soon. You can PM if you want to email about this after they go down. I would never tell anyone which poster you are. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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If I understand your first post correctly, your dh was communicating with her about a job?? But you don't approve of this person and do not want him talking to her at all? Is this correct? Can you be more specific about what he was commincating with her about?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaAllNatural</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So, has this just happened today (tonight)? Was he contacting her by phone or have they been seeing eachother?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I know the boards are going down soon. You can PM if you want to email about this after they go down. I would never tell anyone which poster you are. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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I just found out tonight after contacting a mutal friend that he "hates" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: she told me that he had been emailing this other girl and now I just do not know what to think its not even the emails its the intent yu know?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>guestmama12</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just need to know does he desevre another chance or am I being an idiot to think so.</div>
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This would really depend on the details, like AniT said. You say "another" so this has happened before?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>aniT</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If I understand your first post correctly, your dh was communicating with her about a job?? But you don't approve of this person and do not want him talking to her at all? Is this correct? Can you be more specific about what he was commincating with her about?</div>
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yes ANit you are correct.... he decided to email a person we had BOTH decided was not a person we wanted to associate with, he fully understood how much i did not like the girl and kept his communication hidden.
 

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So you feel his intentions were questionable? I agree, no matter what his intentions, him trying to hide it from you is not OK. Is the thing from the past similar to this? I know you're so upset right now. We just want to make more sense of this to better help you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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oh guestmama, i think i'm about to give more than i really want to here b'c while getting ready to go out tonight i've had two glasses of wine... anyway here goes...<br><br>
my dp of eight yrs & i JUST went thru this whole nauseating drama last month. there is a gorgeous woman who has worked with my dp for the past six months b'c HE HIRED HER!!! & she's awesome at what she does to top it off. ughh. his reasoning for their friendship & his hiring her initially is that she Venezuelan & so is he & they have a "bond" & he likes her personality... he admitted attraction for her, she hung up on me while i had his cel phone - THE WHOLE SCENE! etc. truly busted my heart for several days.,.. i slept in our guest room, didn't even feel like talking to him, alllll the rest. i was really ready to move out. he has many female friends that i've never felt threatened by, but this one got me. he works in the entertainment industry with fabulous women everyday, so i've gotten used to it i guess, but THIS chic GOT ME!<br><br>
anyway, i finally thought that my life is just that, MY life. i love my dp for many reasons, so, i finally gave it all up to fate & decided that if he wanted to be with another woman, he'll be with another woman, yk? not anything i can do or say or argue would change that fact. in the end, he told me that he was miserable thinking that he'd hurt me by having this "friendship" & would end it if i wanted. i don't. i want to be friends with her too, anyone who my dp would like so much, i'd probably like too, she's likely very cool & inventive & challenging, despite their attraction for each other. during my devestation (of sorts) i remembered past male & female "friends" of my own that i could honestly imagine being with but wouldn't b'c of my love for dp... i figured, why not give them the same credit of decency.<br><br>
anyway, not sure if that helps at ALL, i know how bad it hurts to find phone calls that last for fifteen minutes at 3:30 in the morning, emails entitled "hey precious", ETC! it really takes guts & soul... but the bottom line is that life goes as it goes, getting mad only hurts yourself, yk?<br><br>
you'll know if your man is really stepping out... hopefully he'd fess up before you'd find other clues. i think "good friends" (for hetero OR **** relationships) are always rough, but they are actually necessary as well. i don't know what i'd do without my close & attractive friends - i've even slept over at their homes during my realtionship with dp, with nothing happening more than good conversation. it's hard to handle, but the stronger you feel about it, the less it'll hurt & chances are great that it really is nothing more than a friendship. i say get some "good friends" of your own & see the other side of that type of relationship. or maybe you have already & his with this particular woman is just over the line??<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> sorry you're dealing with this type of jealousy, i know from experience, it sucks big wang.<br><br>
hope its nothing more than a friendship...
 
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