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Discussion Starter · #1 ·


This is the thread for Lower Mainland mamas who like to chat online and meet in person. All local mamas are welcome here! Visitors are welcome to pop in too. We are brought together by our passion for conscious/thoughtful/attachment/respectful/wholistic/natural parenting, not always agreeing on the path but agreeing to respectfully discuss, share and learn together. Feel free to join in the conversation and introduce yourself!

We have regular Cranberry Crunchies gatherings every Friday afternoon (cancelled on Oct. 20!) in north Burnaby - send a personal message to Ksenia for details. The gatherings are for socializing, playing and working on projects together. There is also a local knitting group that has its own thread. Finally, there are sporadic get-togethers at parks, Science World (SW), etc. that are posted in the thread. If you want to meet up with other mamas you can always suggest a get-together if none of those work for you!

Remember that to get email notification of new posts in this thread, you can post to this thread to subscribe or you can use 'thread tools' and click 'subscribe'.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Reading about your rationale is really interesting Tiffani. I must say that I am intrigued by the fact that many of you are planning families with more than 2 kids!

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Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
so, anyone have any great ideas for fundraisers?
How about a real fundraiser? Like having a really cool party or dinner and charging a big ticket price for attending?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
: Clue me in, what is a DDDDC? And why isn't Tiffani a saucy mama anymore?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
So to follow up on the scene in the courtyard at Cranberry Crunchies...I met with the woman and with a neighbour who has a background in facilitating process-based conflict resolution. I did my homework by really trying to figure out what my feelings and needs were. It was actually a really positive process! I think that a trigger for the woman was that she got the impression that I was not concerned about her physical safety or hurt feelings resulting from having ds throw a rock at her. She was also PMSing, etc. She said that it wasn't her intention to communicate that way but couldn't help herself. I have a bit of an issue with her not taking responsibility for her own behaviour, but on the other hand I recognize that she doesn't have the greatest self-control in terms of how she expresses her anger. On the problem-solving front, I came up with the idea of inviting her family over for dinner, with the goal of energetically showing ds that we care about her and her family and giving him an opportunity to get to know her better so he can relate to her as a person rather than an object to throw rocks at. Ds throwing rocks at her has happened several times, but neither the woman or I had any better ideas of addressing this behaviour at the time. The whole thing was exhausting and annoying but worthwhile.
 

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Re: ideas for fundraisers- How about having a T-Shirts sale? Cool T -Shirts for adults and kids' sizes with the flag of Ethiopia...or "I Support Adoption"...or with some creative logo.
I also like Ksenia's idea.
I keep thinking for more.have to run.
 

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--------Quoting Mariah---------------------
I have a question: was your decision made easier by the fact that your kids seem to have reached the age where things are getting easier for you? I feel so overwhelmed sometimes with how much hard work babies and toddlers are, and am honestly really looking forward to getting past this phase and into the "kids" phase. Right now the idea of having any more children sends DH and I screaming to the hills. I wonder if, once our kids are at an easier age, if we might feel differently.
---------------------------------------------------------

Oh yes!! We were DONE having kids about 6 months ago!
both of my kids have gone through a major metamorphosis around the age of 5, and things just got a lot easier. I also feel like I *finally* have this whole parenting thing down, and it might be nice to share that with a few more little ones. We have always said that we'd have two kids, and then if we wanted more we'd adopt, and Mark had a vasectomy when dexter was about a month old. Mark had been wanting more kids for a while, and one day the thought actually appealed to me rather than making me want to tear my hair out. Sensing me beginning to crack, Mark brought up adopting, or having his vasectomy reversed to have more babies, and I realized that I was thrilled to have had two wonderful births, but I was done with pregnancy and birth (my own, anyway...I'll live vicariously through others from here on in) and that we should stick to the original plan of adopting if we want more people in our family. So that's how we arrived at that decision! At this point, we're living in a pretty cozy place, and have a lot of debt, but we have a minivan and a king size bed, so two more babies will fit in just fine!

gotta run!
 

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Hello everyone!

And happy first of October - what a beautiful, sunny day to bring it in with!

Ksenia, so glad things are resolved with your neighbour, I think your solution is a very wholesome, long-term look at the situation, what a great idea!

DDDCCC (or whatever it is!) is something like "dirty deeds done cheap" or something like that - essentially anyone can pay to have one given to someone else. Perhaps there's a time limit on them and that's why it's not there anymore?!

We had a very successful community workshop on cordwood wall building - people came and went, some lent a helping hand and others chatted but it was definitely great to see people who dropped by! And it's such a great way for us to become productive - set a date and openly invite others! We're thinking next we'll have to do a 'trim and baseboards' workshop and maybe one day we'll complete all the finishing touches from the renos?!!
Anyways, here's the photo set for anyone who wants to see our afternoon: http://www.flickr.com/photos/8525593...7594308262654/

For fundraising, a huge community dance? Or see if there's an Ethiopian or Eastern Africa group in Vancouver, and see if they'll help you do a big feast - or even talk to Nyala (is that the restaurant across the street from us?) about doing a big fundraiser night there, and we can all pay $25 for a nice meal. And there must be Ethiopian/East African musicians or dancers in the city? Perhaps they'd don't some time for a variety show of sorts, or after dinner entertainment?! And then do a raffle at the dinner and/or dance for cool prizes donated!!!! You could easily get a few thousand dollars that way - and Ethiopian food is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!!!!!!

Okay, off to BellySong - hope everyone had a great weekend! Erica
 

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Ksenia, I really appreciate how you have shared your process in dealing with a challenging situation with a neighbour. It fits in really nicely with what I just did this weekend, which was attend a RESTITUTION workshop sponsored by Windsor House. I've walked away with the following info (and stuff I KNEW, but really needed to hear again): There is no such thing as MISbehaviour. Behaviour never misses, it always meets a need. It may be a maladaptive way of meeting a need, but it is an attempt to meet a need.
Other than survival needs, we all have a greater or lesser need for the following four things: 1)Belonging 2) Freedom 3) Power 4) Fun
We can only control our selves. The best thing we can do is concentrate on the RELATIONSHIP with our child and forget about enforcing rules. However, we do need to have bottom lines in our families (have a family vision and belief statement).
Anyway, this workshop focused on ourselves personally and then on our family and was then further extrapolated to how we "deal" with kids/each other in community (in this case school). I LOVED IT!

I bought the book, "My Child is a Pleasure" There is also a CD (maybe DVD??) that goes with it as well as a workbook and I'm thinking there might be an interest to do some self-led workshops to go through this book. Maybe not everyone would be interested, but I know I need a lot of work in the parenting dpt, because in times of high stress (currently) I resort to ways of parenting that are not effective (punishing, guilting, "buddying").

Interestingly enough, Diane Gossen (the author of the aforementioned book) and her co-leader (Judy Anderson), said that they don't think there is such a thing as total non-coercion, but that our goal is to find the LEAST coercive method. I am not able to sum up what I learned in the small time I have here at the computer, but I really think there is a lot of value in what they offer that goes beyond what Kohn offers in his book Unconditional Parenting, and yet is in that same vein.

Talk to you all soon!

Abby
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ******&tiegs View Post
We had a very successful community workshop on cordwood wall building - people came and went, some lent a helping hand and others chatted but it was definitely great to see people who dropped by!
It looks fantastic!

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Originally Posted by 2BMamaof3 View Post
It fits in really nicely with what I just did this weekend, which was attend a RESTITUTION workshop sponsored by Windsor House.
Sounds great!
 

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Ksenia - I'm glad that the meeting with your neighbour went well. I can certainly understand being triggered by a belief that you didn't care that she'd had a rock thrown at her. I hope she came to understand a little more about your parenting philosophy, as well.

Wolfie seemed much less stressed on Friday. I think having Stephan there helped him a lot. (He is really terrific with the kids - I think that's the first time I've ever seen Emma interact with a strange adult for any length of time without getting mad.) Maybe this will help him transition into having all of us running around his space once a week. I'm sure that's part of why he's been having a rough time.

So....Emma got her Halloween costume today. She's a fairy princess. The costume that she fell in love with is Barbie brand. *sigh*
 

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Ksenia, you can read about "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" here.

Tiffani, it helps so much to hear how positive you are feeling about your parenting. I used to really feel that way, like I had it all figured out. Having a second child robbed me of that confidence, lol. I mean, I do think I have it "figured out", it's just that my ability to parent the way I want to parent is often compromised by my own inability to deal with stress, fatigue, organizing my time, etc. Right now I mostly struggle with trying to savour this period of my children's lives (particularly DS) when often I feel like I just can't wait for them to be just a bit older. Anyways, I am very happy for you two, and look forward to welcoming your new additions to our little community.

Ksenia: I think it is great that cohousing encourages you to go through this process, as difficult as it can be. Sounds like you got alot out of it. I am curious, does Wolfie target this woman specifically? I think kids sense emotional stability in adults sometimes and react to it. Anyways, I'm really glad that it worked out.

Erica - the wall looked great when we drove by today! Was Jamie the guy with the goatie? I forgot to ask you to introduce us since I've never met him. Question: doesn't the wood eventually rot away?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post
Ksenia, you can read about "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" here.

Tiffani, it helps so much to hear how positive you are feeling about your parenting. I used to really feel that way, like I had it all figured out. Having a second child robbed me of that confidence, lol. I mean, I do think I have it "figured out", it's just that my ability to parent the way I want to parent is often compromised by my own inability to deal with stress, fatigue, organizing my time, etc. Right now I mostly struggle with trying to savour this period of my children's lives (particularly DS) when often I feel like I just can't wait for them to be just a bit older. Anyways, I am very happy for you two, and look forward to welcoming your new additions to our little community.

?

I am totally with you on this Mariah, but I think it will pass.

Tiffani, thanks for explaining, I knew you would have a great reply and I thought that was a great idea to adopt 2. It will also be such a great experience for Dexter and Lucy to go to Ethiopia and see what life is like over there eh?

I know a lady who recently adopted from China and she said it was difficult taking the baby away from the family that took care of her for 6 months as if she was their own. I would imagine it will be the same for you, as you said, no doubt there will be mixed feelings.

You are right about Vancouver being more multi cultural and there are many africans, especially in New Westminster. Though I believe mostly from the Congo. Where my sister found it most difficult was when we lived in smaller cities and towns. ie Comox, Victoria, Kingston, ON. (Kingston was by far the most racist of all the Canadian cities we lived in). My mom didn't have a lot of choice as to where we lived as she was a single parent and was employed by the Dept of National Defence and we had to go where there were bases or military colleges.

She was ok in Ottawa, but feels most comfortable in Montreal.
 

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kazia, how great! have a wonderful time. i know your second loves his daddy and won't miss you unhappily.

i think i've told a few of you, my big girl is going to celebrate her sixth birthday in london, uk! instead of her granny coming to visit, she's going there with her daddy, since it coincides with a business trip. she didn't even blink at the opportunity to go. they will leave the baby and i at home, which is good for everybody. funny how if he had left on a business trip the first time round at 11 months of age, i would have been very unhappy!

congratulations, tiffani!

*
 

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Yikes! October is here!!!
I love October, it made me happy to see the calendar today


Ksenia, kudos on your efforts to fix up things with the neighbor (s). It sounds like a good plan for everybody.

Tiffani, that's so exciting about the adoption, congrats.... that's something DH and I have always wanted to do, maybe later in our lives. I will follow your experience and hopefully one day I'll take the plunge...

Erica, that wood fence looks good, is that your place? We went to Shaktea today and thought of many of you who talked about that place the other day. There was a lot of art exhibits going on and that neighbourhood has changed so much and I found it super cool! (I hadn't been there in a while) I am a little jealous from all of you that live around that area.

Kazia, have a great one in Seattle, and go for the night (if you didn't already)
your kids will be well taken care of


Artparent (it was nice to meet you IRL the other day BTW) it's great that your little girl will be traveling with dad, sheesh, we almost wish they would not want to let go of us so easily, don't we?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post
Tiffani, it helps so much to hear how positive you are feeling about your parenting. I used to really feel that way, like I had it all figured out. Having a second child robbed me of that confidence, lol. I mean, I do think I have it "figured out", it's just that my ability to parent the way I want to parent is often compromised by my own inability to deal with stress, fatigue, organizing my time, etc.
Oh, I'm pretty compromised from time to time
it's just that for a while there (like a few years) we were at a total loss as to how to deal with Dexter. Once that passed it was like we were a whole new family, and everything is a lot easier these days. Not perfect, mind you, but pretty rosey compared to 6 months ago, when I honestly wondered at times if he would ever grow to be a functioning member of society.

DDDDC
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post
I am curious, does Wolfie target this woman specifically?
Yes he does. As far as I know he doesn't do this to anyone else. I agree that kids pick up on things - she really tends to project a "victim" aura
. It's our responsibility to convey to Wolfi that she is a person who deserves to be treated with respect and care.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
So, I've been thrilled that Cranberry Crunchies has been so well attended. Unfortunately last Friday I started to worry that there were simply too many people. There were about 18 families and probably about 45 people including kids and babies!
: And there were even some "regulars" who weren't there. Everything went smoothly, partly because people were spread out around the community and partly because you folks are so awesome. I did notice, however, that it was getting harder for parents to keep track of their kids' activities and whereabouts. Also, I really don't think that our Common House could comfortably contain that number of kids on rainy days (the acoustics are horrible in there). I'm guessing 10 or fewer families would be the ideal number?

Is anyone else concerned about how big it's getting? Any ideas or suggestions? I would like to keep the administration pretty simple.
 

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Ksenia - I was wondering a little about that on Friday. I think it's possible that attendance will drop slightly when the weather turns rainy. (I think you'll still get the same number of us dropping by, but suspect some of us - like me - will miss more often than we do now. There are times that even the thought of dealing with raingear and all that keeps me home.
)

However, if attendance doesn't drop off a bit naturally, I'm not sure what to suggest. I'll give it a bit of thought. I think it would be hard to keep numbers under control without forfeiting the easy-going, drop-in nature of CC. We'll see how it goes.

As far as keeping track of our children is concerned...I can't speak for anyone else, but I find Emma almost impossible to keep track of if I'm even slightly involved in conversing with other people. She's quick!
 
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