Mothering Forum banner
1 - 13 of 13 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
505 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What do you do when you go to someone's house for dinner, and they prepare the main course with egg and/or dairy?

Many of my friends are vegan-challenged, and really get scared when they want to cook for me. To let them off the hook, I end up telling them that as long as it's vegetarian, I'll eat it. And inevitably, I feel badly after dinner (physically and mentally).

To put it more into perspective, I have one friend that's an older lady (70's) and she loves to have people over for dinner. So at one point, my dh and I were eating at her house a couple times per month. My friend and I have joked about me being vegan and that she wouldn't cook a vegan meal for me if her life depended on it sort-of-thing (and she wasn't trying to be mean; she was just bluntly honest). We've had her and her dh over to our house, and her dh picks through the food, and it quite frankly pisses me off. So, for my sanity, we end up over at her house more often than mine.

I guess this is just a vent as opposed to asking someone to "fix" my eating dilemmas for me


Just wondering what you do if asked over for a meal at a non-vegan's house.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
8,956 Posts
I'd bring my own dish.

Honestly, though, if the host knows that you're vegan, she should at least try. If she doesn't want to try, that's fine too - but she shouldn't expect you to compromise your ethics at her house. She should let you bring your own food.

If the host knew I was vegan but prepared a lacto ovo dish, I would politely decline it.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
7,294 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
I'd bring my own dish.

Honestly, though, if the host knows that you're vegan, she should at least try. If she doesn't want to try, that's fine too - but she shouldn't expect you to compromise your ethics at her house. She should let you bring your own food.

If the host knew I was vegan but prepared a lacto ovo dish, I would politely decline it.
Yes. Even if they didn't know I was vegan, I'd still politely decline unless there was a larger cultural issue - like being a guest in another country where it's really important socially to at least have a little food. Then I'd accept some but only eat a tiny bit.

In your situation, I'd offer suggestions of things you can eat that are easy to make, I'd offer to bring a dish or sides, etc.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
7,970 Posts
I let them know ahead of time that I'll be joining them for their wonderful company, but bringing my own food. If they offer to make something for me, I try to suggest something simple, like fruit salad, pasta w/marinara, a plain vegetable, etc. And then I always offer to bring something to share as well, but I don't push it since I don't want to offend their hospitality.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
7,970 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by PikkuMyy View Post
I'd still politely decline unless there was a larger cultural issue - like being a guest in another country where it's really important socially to at least have a little food. Then I'd accept some but only eat a tiny bit.
In those situations I'd eat beforehand, then "fake" eating, wisking it into a napkin or something and maybe making a few trips to the bathroom
.

When faced with being in a country with a language barrier and few options I just try to do my best to choose foods that are least likely to contain animal products, or in desperation, a dish that I can pick the vegan items out of to eat, like noodles or veggies from a soup.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
That's a tough one. If you figure out how to get those balls, please share! I need to toughen up as well. It's not easy being a people-pleasing vegan. The place where I eat most often outside of my own home is at my in-laws, and they're VERY accommodating to my veganism. When I'm in your type of situation, I decline the food, even when it's hard, because I know that if I don't stick to my veganism, then the host/ess will never again have a reason to cater to my veganism, or anyone else's veganism, for that matter. That said, there have been times that someone has gotten confused and made a dish especially for me, but misunderstood what vegan means, and omitted eggs but unknowingly included a milk product (or something like that), and then I'll eat it because I really appreciate their intention and effort.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
197 Posts
I usually just say I am a vegetarian and "can't eat dairy"--since most people have heard of people who are lactose intolerant, it's easier for them to understand then "vegan"

that has seemed to work...

so when they pass the lasangna or whatever, I just say apologetically (or tell them before going to dinner is better), "Oh, I am so sorry, that looks great, but I can't eat dairy, I'll just have some of this salad"
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,390 Posts
I generally bring my own dish. That way I can safely eat what i've brought and offer others the chance to try out a new meal. You also could offer to give your host a few recipes to have on hand. My partner's step-mother requested that of us a few times.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,165 Posts
I just look at it in the same light as having a food allergy. My daughter is allergic to peanuts and I would of course, tell the host that...just as I tell them that we are vegetarian. And I expect them to respect that...not as a food "preference", but as our way of life. After 4 years of eating this way, it's soooo much easier to communicate this. The early months/years were more difficult/people pleasing. We also bring our own dishes on a regular basis, and it's just totally normal to me now
It helps that my DH will usually eat what they have prepared. so they don't feel totally put out.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
320 Posts
I would decline the food that was offered. My family that we visit know I'm Vegan and always put aside foods for me before they put butter/milk/sauces on them. My Aunt also buys veggie burger for me and tofu- bless her heart!!

I like the idea of bringing your own food, too!!
 

· Registered
Joined
·
6,771 Posts
I grew up vegetarian-- not vegan, but always, always, always ate before I left to go to a non-vegetarian household. I don't think that your friends should have to make special food for you-- even though if it would be really sweet if they did. (Just how I wouldn't make meat for any of my carnivorous friends.).
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top