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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
MY dh's 22 y.o., unmarried cousin is pregnant for the 3rd time, by the 3rd father, and having her 2nd child (she aborted the 2nd pregnancy). I called her last night to get her address to send her some BF info and when she said that she was going to FF, I said that BF would save her money. She said that WIC was paying for her formula so that wasn't an issue. Doea WIC educate moms on the risks of exclusive FF? And she FF her older child, so it sounds like she thinks it's no big deal.

She said that she would worry about BF b/c she used to smoke. I told her that even if she did still smoke, BM would be better for her baby w/ whatever is in it from smoking that formula. She is also looking for another job and will have to go back to work very soon, so doesn't want to ahve to worry/discuss pumping w/ the new employer. I told her that some moms BF when they're w/ the baby and FF when they're not.

She just seems to think that it's no big deal to FF. Anyone ever in a similar situation w/ a young woman and get thru to them?

Thanks for the suggestions.
Sus
 

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To answer your question about WIC: We were on WIC for a while and they did promote BF. In fact, for doing so, I was able to get more food instead of formula. If a mom chooses to breastfeed, she will get fresh carrots, tuna, peanut butter (if I remember correctly) and I believe more milk and/or cheese.

They didn't talk about the disadvantages of FF, but they did encourage moms to breastfeed if possible.

Sounds like this lady is just not interested. Unfortunately for her little ones, there's not much you can do to push the issue. My suggestion would be to send her just a few pieces of information about the benefits of BF--immunity, better for mom, better for baby etc., the AAP flyer that encourages BF for at least a year and as long as it's mutually agreeable. Also, WHO recommends nursing for 2 years. Then, I'm afraid, you've done your job and will have to drop the subject. It's so hard when people can't see the benefits, but if she ends up breastfeeding, she may resent you and her child.
 

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I want to add that WIC does not pay for all of the formula that a baby needs once the baby is over 10 pounds. If someone tells you WIC covers all of it, they're not feeding the baby enough. WIC is a supplemental nutrition program so people are supposed to run out and have to buy it between visits.
 

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I used to smoke and as far as I know it does not have any affects on my baby. Maybe you could find some horribly gruesome info on formula and that might help.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm afraid of pushing the subject too much and like the first responder said, her resenting the baby (It won't bother me if she resents me, if she chooses to do what's right for the baby).

I have a few sheets from LLL on BF & working, how BF is baby's first immunization and how BF matters. I had already offered her help by coming over when the baby is born to help w/ whatever if she chooses to BF. I don't think I will be a real help if I go over & she FF's.

ALl this said, I know that there are some women out there who try their w/ all their might to BF and it doesn't work. THis isn't the situation her. She's choosing not to. Afraid it'll be too hard. Now, I don't live in her shoes, so I don't really know. But I just can't imagine anyone who can would choose not to BF!

Thanks for the suggestions and responses.
Sus
 

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I have a friend who said pretty much exactly the same thing to me. I talked to her a couple weeks before she delivered her last baby (she has two older children) and I was BF'ing DS at the time, she commented on it and I asked if she was going to BF. She said that no she didn't want to be tied down to the baby like that.
I tried very gently to try to get her to consider at least giving BFing a try - and one of the tactics I used was talking about the expense. She was having some serious money issues so I thought it might help and when I brought up breast milk being free she said "Well I'm not worried about that - WIC pays for all the formula." It really bothered me.

I wasn't able to convince her to try BFing - she had made her mind up so I'm afraid I don't have any great advice for you - but just wanted to comment that I heard a similar opinion and it was upsetting.

I have another person that I work with who had a baby last year and his girlfriend choose to FF because she thinks BFing is "icky", he has complained to me on numerous occasions that WIC doesn't cover the expense of all the formula they need and it's a real shame that at the end of the month they have to buy some of it themselves. I think the PP made a good point in that WIC doesn't pay for everything and I think a lot of people don't understand that.

Kitty
 

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well, wic wont pay for the bottles, nipples, etc she needs.

maybe you could go from the selfish pov and mention how bf burns about an extra 500 calories a day...

as far as them complaining about having to actually get some of it themselves for the baby. well, liken it to any other food package from wic.

the milk, cheese, ceral, etc is not goinmg to to feed the person by itself for the whole month. they will still have to get some of it themselves for the older kids/ women etc. why do they seem so surprised? it is not meant to help the parents nutritionally speaking. not to do everything for them.

to answer part of the original question, no wic doesnt mention anythign about the dangers of using aim, they mostly just tout "benefits" of bf (and some do it much better than other offices)
 

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i understand your frustration. i have a family member who reminds me of that a little. argh.
i have to say, there is really nothing you can do. not that you shouldn't vent about it, or try to actually educate her as you see fit. by all means, vent here, you have my empathy.
i can't help but point out the following:

Quote:

Originally Posted by mama24-7
MY dh's 22 y.o., unmarried cousin is pregnant for the 3rd time, by the 3rd father, and having her 2nd child (she aborted the 2nd pregnancy).
Sus
i'm not sure what you're trying to get at by including this information about her(it doesn't seem relevant), but i'm gathering that this is not a woman that you respect very much. this is how i feel about my family member (not for the same reasons). anyway, i don't mean to sound judgmental myself, but what are your feelings toward this person? b/c i've been there, i have a feeling that you may not be a welcome source of information to her. it seems that you don't like her much. does this make sense? anyway, just something to think about.

with my family member, what the last straw for me was was seeing her repeatedly smack her 2 year old on the leg for...well, being a 2 year old! my dad suggested that i send her a copy of a positive discipline book in the mail anonymously. i had to back off when i realized that i wasn't even going to waste my resources on doing that. anyway, b/c i really don't respect/like My family member, i can feel somewhat comfortable suggesting that you maybe consider the advice that my dad offered me about the book. or failing that, direct your energies elsewhere.
i avoid my family member now, b/c i have had to remember the serenity prayer.
good luck, i admire your intentions. if you can really make her see 'the light', you will of course have done humanity a favor.
edited to add: i did see where you said that you were trying to get her address. i hope you take my thoughts in the way in which they were meant...
 

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I hate when people say that! WIC did cover medically necessary formula for ds, but we had to have a doctors note, medical documentation, etc. to get it. I think that ALL peopole who recieve formula from WIC should have to get a doctors note. And WIC didn't cover all we needed, even with medical need. We bought 4 or 5 cans each month ourselves (which=over$150). We were just greatful for any help at all, and if I had it my way WIC would have helped us pay for banked BM, instead of formula.

AmiBeth
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unoppressed MAMA Q
i'm not sure what you're trying to get at by including this information about her(it doesn't seem relevant), but i'm gathering that this is not a woman that you respect very much. this is how i feel about my family member (not for the same reasons). anyway, i don't mean to sound judgmental myself, but what are your feelings toward this person? b/c i've been there, i have a feeling that you may not be a welcome source of information to her. it seems that you don't like her much. does this make sense? anyway, just something to think about.

edited to add: i did see where you said that you were trying to get her address. i hope you take my thoughts in the way in which they were meant...

Yes, I have her address and as soon as I figure out what to add to let her know that BF has benefits for her too, I'm going to send her the info.

As for what I said about the # of pregnancies, fathers, etc. I mentioned it to give background for the types of decisions she has made to this point. She grew up w/o limits and boundaries and has lived her life into adulthood the same way. My intention was not to offend anyone b/c I know that there are plenty of people here who are unmarried w/ children. I do not wish to debate the merits of this; it's not what this is about. I was simply stating her past history so that anyone giving advice could take into account her lifestyle.

Do I respect her, no not much. Will I treat her w/ respect, yes. It's my belief that until you do something to me, I will give you the same respect as every other human being.

I do think it's possible she wonders why it is I care. We have never had a relationship and I don't expect we will. When I saw her a few months ago, discovered she was pregnant, and seeming to be on the fence about BF, I offered her information and to go to her house when the new babe was born to help out if she decided to BF. This is what I do for friends, family and distant family. I care about babies and now know how important BF is. I do my best to share information with people who don't do the research on their own.

Okay, I'm done now. If I offended anyone w/ what I wrote, please don't take it personally, it wasn't meant that way. Just looking for people who've come across similar situations.

Sus
 

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Hmmmm...I know one person on WIC and her WIC office actually has contests where nursing mothers can win gift certificates and stuff, so I think WIC does promote breastfeeding...some WIC offices even loan pumps for free. But, there's no way that 9 cans a month will be enough...I supplement and we use 4 cans a month for Bran's lact-aid...and he's on solids and breastmilk too...so an exclusively ff baby would use 9 cans a month in just a couple weeks!

I like that you're including bfing benefits to her...maybe she'll be more interested when she sees that bfing is good for her as well...
 

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For those of us who really truly "get it" and know how awesome breastfeeding is, not just for nourishment, but so many other reasons, it is frustrating that we cannot make someone else who does NOT "get" it understand. Most of the ladies/families I have helped as a doula had already planned to breastfeed and were pro-breastfeeding. But there were a few who I really tried to convert, and one that I did, but the others who just told me what they thought I wanted to hear, started out breastfeeding and stopped within days.

Also, if I may share something that my MIL said to me years ago, which demonstrates the mentality of someone who absolutely does NOT "get" it.

I always knew I would breastfeed. My mother breastfed, in a "formula" climate, years ago. My father is still a breastfeeding activist. My DH was all for it too when we had our first baby. My MIL thought and thinks that it is vulgar and wrong. I did not NIP very much with my first, but with the next two, I was like, whatever and wherever. A quiet nursing baby sure beats a screaming hungry one. My MIL always likes to make comments about people on welfare, etc. (My DH and I believe if you ask for it, you need it, it must be pretty humbling to have to ask for it...) So I told her, well, if there was more education about the benefits of breastfeeding, money could be saved on all the formula that is given out. Do you know what she said then? She said all those welfare mothers are on drugs and have AIDS, their milk is no good.


That was the day I stopped trying to convince her that breastfeeding was bestfeeding, what a waste of my breath and time.

Sorry about your DH's cousin, there are those who cannot be convinced.
 
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