Mothering Forum banner

VENT!!! Verbal visitation agreement gone bad... he's threatening abandonment!

744 Views 11 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  stepmomof3
My ex and I agreed he'd get the kids when the eldest had vacation from school. I made plans for spring break. Now the ex hubby decided to go back on his word. He claims it's because he works, and I don't, so I might as well keep the kids during spring break, and he won't see them at all (except this weekend). WTF?! His brother could watch the kids. I have plans for this spring break. He found out, and thus went back on his word. ARGH! I should've gotten the agreement in writing.

BTW... he's saying if I'm not here when he comes over to drop the kids off on Sunday, he's going to call the cops and say I abandoned them.
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Yeah, I've had that problem with my ex before. There's not much you can do, other than record it and use it against him in the future. But I always saw it as a get to have my kids more...and no stress of dealing with ex. Now I say that all of his visits are contingent on his money being on the line (he's from out of town so has to buy plane tickets etc.) and I'm free to make whatever plans with the kids that I want unless he shows me the actual ticket confirmations. But if you're all local, it's a different story. Hope you manage to work things out!
Yeah, he's local, and sees the kids less than 66 hours a month, and pays less than $8 a month per child in support!!!

He's a deadbeat dad who likes to pretend he's daddy of the year.
That sucks but there really is nothing you can do about it. Forcing him to take the kids will only harm the kids because he'll probably take his anger out on them. It sounds like he's just trying to ruin your plans. I try to never rely on my ex for anything, and if I have something important that I HAVE to do then I arrange back-up care just incase ex decides to bail on his visitation last minute. Don't rely on him for anything if you can help it.
I'm sorry that happened. I agree, there's not much you can do other than learn from it. Next time get it in writing and have a back-up plan in case he bails.
Oh, man, I am so sorry! I agree that there's really nothing you can do except that he can't get you for abandonment if he'd already agreed to take the kids. I mean, that wouldn't hold up in court. After all, he agreed and you left them with *their father*. However, I wouldn't push the issue just to make a point.

I know I'm keeping a word document of all the crap my ex is pulling so that I can print it out when I take him back to mediation after this summer. Could that be something you could incorporate? It's best to document everything as it happened, all the conversations, the opinions you have on why he's doing what he's doing, etc. Then, you can take it to whatever authority you're dealing with and lay it on the line and it seems more organized and you don't have to get emotional (b/c you know how that bites women in the butt *snark*).

Good luck! Document, document, document! And, remember, plans can be remade, and your kids are looking to you to be the stable one. (B/c it sounds like you *are* the stable one.)
See less See more

Originally Posted by Lucy VanPelt
Oh, man, I am so sorry! I agree that there's really nothing you can do except that he can't get you for abandonment if he'd already agreed to take the kids. I mean, that wouldn't hold up in court. After all, he agreed and you left them with *their father*. However, I wouldn't push the issue just to make a point.
It's a case of he said/she said and it won't make either of you look good in court. It will look like both of you have more important things to do than take care of the children. Not to mention, if the children hear any of these conversations it is going to make them feel horrible, like neither parent wants to be with them. It's a crappy situation for all involved. Get a visitation plan in writing for the future. But you absolutely cannot (and should not) force ex to take the children if he really doesn't want to. Be the better person, it will certainly make you look better in the long run.
I know many men that do this. I had a friend who was all set to drive to the airport for a vacation (that her ex knew about) and at the last minute he called and said he wasn't coming to get their daughter. She lost the trip and everything.

It sucks when they do this. I know my ex is the same way. The last time I asked if he wanted extra time with the kids (so I could go to a friend's b-day party) his answer was, 'let me get this want me to help you out? The answer is no.' He couldn't even see that he'd get more time with the kids because he was so focused on trying to 'hurt' me. What he didn't realize was that I just got a sitter anyway.
Reality is that he probably wouldn't report you for abandonment because it would mean he'd have to have them full-time.

You should get ready to start expecting to have them all the time and if they are ever supposed to go with him, and you have plans, make a backup plan. It sucks, but your kids shouldn't have to feel unwanted. And if he's like my ex, he'll eventually never see them at all.
It does suck and I agree w/ the pp that the kids would feel horrible if they knew about this situation. It looks like you may have to change your plans...Do you have any family close by that you trust? If not then it sucks but you lose your plans but WIN extra time with your DC. I hope he is paying you loads of CS. I think you should get this all in writing if not just to show the mediator (depending on the kind of m that you have) Even if it is just for you.
My x still owes $13000 in back support and our dd is 27! (the order was only till she was 18, he's just BAD)

In the future, you'll need back-up childcare if you're going away. Oh, and dd hasn't seen her father in 5 or more years. Sad, but her choice due to the way he treated her growing up.
journey be very careful because I had the same problem and all of the sudden he decided he wanted the kids for christmas and then he called the police and got me for abandonment through our law guardian so be careful if it seems like hes being nice
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.