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Ok, so I stay at home with my boys (ages 3y9m and 2y) and, while I do love it, some days (or some weeks occas) can be .. trying. The last couple of weeks were just not alot of fun with both boys over being sick a week or two before and fighting about everything. DH has also had to work late alot lately (he used to get home at 4ish, now it's like 6ish...b/c of layoffs and whatnot he now works more...without getting the overtime $$..but that's a whole different story <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Anyway, so Mother's Day comes around and the only thing I wanted was a break! I wanted ONE day to not have to be the one to deal with the boys fighting or to prevent them from fighting... just one day! Instead, I made breakfast (ds1 wanted pancakes and DH is not good at pancakes), cleaned up the kitchen while DH went to the garage to replace the brakes on his truck (which he ended up NOT replacing as the brakes were not the problem). Then, I made ds1 cookies (he can't have wheat) so that he could have something "special" for after dinner while everyone else had cake. During this whole time, *I* was the only one dealing with the boys. Once the boys were down for their nap, DH says "I'm gonna run up to the tire place to see about tires for the car" (has never mentioned before then that car needs tires!!). I was pissed by then. I rolled my eyes, which he correctly interpreted to mean I didn't like that idea. (I HAD told him the day before that I planned to help my mom (and grama and aunt) make dinner). So, as DH says I "freaked out". I got dressed, go in the car and just drove around for while. I came home and then went to my parent's house (next door) (boys were still asleep) and let DH take care of the boys once they woke up.<br><br>
I was still irritated, but no longer angry once the boys woke up and they and DH came to dinner for Mother's day. BUT, THREE days later, I figure out that DH is still irritated with me that I "freaked out".... He was irritated b/c I had not apologized! So, three days later I said "I'm sorry if I overreacted, but I NEEDED A BREAK and instead all I got all morning was fighting with the boys" (or something to that affect).<br><br>
So, did I really over react THAT badly?
 

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Sometimes you need a break - RIGHT NOW! I would have told him how I was feeling first, but I get the need to just get away.
 

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My DH and I have started asking this each weekend morning: "what do you need today?" ....<br><br>
That way if he really wants to fix the brakes, you know in the morning and can plan around it. Also, he knows that you want to get your nails done at 3pm, so he knows to plan around that.<br><br>
It really helps to have these expectations set first thing.
 

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It's MOTHER'S DAY! It's 1 day a year that dad needs to take a hint and corral the kids, particularly when they're that young and can't fend for themselves.<br><br>
I think your DH was lucky that all you did was roll your eyes. I'd have gone off on how inconsiderate he was being.
 

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I don't blame you for "freaking out."<br><br>
But had you made it clear what you expected from your dh and boys on MD? I know it would be great if men thought of these things on their own and many of them do. But some don't.<br><br>
I mean, had you said anything along the lines of, "Hey dh, I'm really looking forward to you and the kids cooking me breakfast on Sunday. And after that, really, the only thing I want for the day is a break. I want you to be in charge of the kids so I can just totally relax."
 

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i don't think rolling your eyes and leaving is "freaking out" particularly if--prior to sunday--you asserted your need for a break.<br><br>
if you never asserted that need, then, yeah, it can seem like it came out of left field and he would assume that it was a "normal sunday" or some such, and then it does look like a bigger freak out than if he knew and just wasn't helping out.<br><br>
either way, i think it's clear that you both need to communicate on this so that you don't get to that point.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks for all the input mamas!! It has helped me realize that I *do* need to communicate more -- or actually, to make sure that DH is paying attention when I do communicate!! He really is a wonderful husband and daddy... but is not always great at communicating (paying attention). So, while I did "mention" that it'd be nice to have a break, I doubt that 1) I was specific enough or 2) did not assure that dh was paying attention!<br>
So, obviously we both need to communicate better <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I think part of what gets me is that dh likes to say that I was just having a "hormonal rage freak out" ... (ok, so I *was* hormonal BUT that is NOT the only reason I needed a break!!!). I think he thinks that the only reason I was that upset was b/c of hormones.. but it was more that I *just. needed. a. break.*!
 

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I would have done a lot more than roll my eyes, I beleive. However, I second the question; did you actually make your desires clear to your DH? If not, then it really is not just his fault.
 

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Did you make it clear to dh that you wanted him to care for the boys for ONE ENTIRE DAY? If not,and even if you did,you need to reschedule this for yourself. I now get time to myself while the kids are in school,but back when they were little it was 24/7 for about 8 years straight.<br><br>
I might have gotten a chance to run to the store.Similar to your driving around,but it is simply not enough.<br><br>
There is no reason why you can not bake/cook if needed,but still not tend to the kids.You can make the pancakes and have dh serve/clean up.<br><br>
I really don't think you freaked.Dh is putting it on you so you say sorry.How about him? Did he say sorry for not giving you the one thing you wanted on Mother's day? I understand needing to repair a car,but that could have been done the day before.<br><br>
Again no reason you can not TELL your dh you are taking a day off from being a mommy,and set up one day for him to do ALL childcare related duties.In most cases unless you ask for this time to yourself you will be responsible 24/7 for the next 18 years.It is ok to get *me time* and still be an excellent mom and wife!!!!
 

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So let him have a happy Father's Day- get up that morning and leave him with the boys all day. Go out and have a belated Mother's Day celebration.<br><br>
I know this is totally passive aggressive, but it sure would be nice if you could...
 
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