Mothering Forum banner
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
537 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I brought HSing up as an option that I was considering when talking with a very good friend, and boy I sure did regret it - the awkward tension was palpable. (Well, she IS just going back to work as a public school teacher this year
) She said a few things like - "oh, I want my kids to be more part of the world . .. I like all the extras (music, art, PE) . . I like the public school tradition in our country. . I would never consider it really, the schools around here are so good". I ended up just changing the subject. Frustrating! I've brought it up to a couple of other friends who said it wasn't for them, but were otherwise very supportive and offered to put me in touch with HSers that they knew. I don't know why this particular dear friend was so wierd about it. Perhaps she, like many, envisions home schooling as something for overprotective controlling parents who want to isolate their children from the world.

I suppose if I do decide to HS, I'll be dealing with this all the time?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,517 Posts
We who give extra consideration to important parenting decisions will always have to deal with opposition and disapproval. I think that-especially mothers who have to work, but other mothers as well, don't like that you are willing to devote yourself so fully to your child's education. You are threatening to them because you make them feel badly about the decisions they've made.
Just deal with it gracefully. Tell them that, in your opinion, homeschool offers as much and more for YOUR child, and assure them that you know that homeschooling isn't for everyone. If you approach those friends with the assurance that you do not look down on anyone for sending their children off to school, they may respond more favorably.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,706 Posts
I find it very hard to talk about homeschooling to people who have only had positive experiences with school. I can tell that my MIL is not happy about the idea at all (though she tries to hide it from me - she really is a wonderful person and totally respectful of me). She mentions things to my husband like that they'll miss out on prom. I just don't know how to start convincing someone who thinks prom is one of the most important things about school!


But I do try to put a positive spin on things and not say mean things about public school. Just things like "he'll get so much more individual attention this way" and "we can tailor his education to him" ... and "he can always choose to go to school when he's older" so they don't think we're forbidding our child from being a football player or cheerleader or whatever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,949 Posts
I agree with Lila..When people seem defensive when we talk about some of our alternative choices I say, "This is what works for OUR family" as to keep them from feeling bad.

I have talked about un/homeshchooling our son and 90% of the time I have gotten a negative response (so far). I think that people don't know a lot of un/homeschool families so they make assumptions about them that aren't necessarily true.

I don't place too much focus on the negative comments because my life would be boring if I worried what people thought about me


Happy homeschooling

Jennifer
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
My SIL is a teacher and is very against homeschooling. I simply don't acknowledge her negative comments. Really, I act like I completely didn't hear her. After a while she catches on, but the next time I see her she's right back at it again.

Also, my sister is opposed to homeschooling. She went back to work when her son was 10 weeks old and has her son in an extremely expensive "prep school" daycare (he's 2). She tells me all the time about how much (academic stuff) he's learning "at school" and made a big deal (when he was six months old) about how much "socialization" he was getting. I flat-out tell her that 2 year olds don't need academic skills and six month olds don't need "socialization" with their peers. She pretty much won't let it drop, either.

But most people are supportive. I think that different situations merit different responses.

Namaste!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,529 Posts
I have lots of teachers in my family. at first they were mad and thought I was sheltering them from the "real" world. but now (i have a 12 year old) see that my kids are aesome and quite intelligent,loving,happy,SOCIAL, and nice to be around (they'll have a conversation with an adult
: ) they (my teacher family)never say anything but positive things. good luck. In time things will change.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
11,594 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lila
I think that-especially mothers who have to work, but other mothers as well, don't like that you are willing to devote yourself so fully to your child's education. You are threatening to them because you make them feel badly about the decisions they've made.
I totally know what you're saying, but i'd like to expand and clarify it a bit.


to clarify, no one 'makes' anyone else feel badly. they feel badly because they, themselves, did not necessarily come to a decision that they liked or wanted, or didn't come to it from an informed place. when confronted with a person who is informed and doing what s/he wants to do, these people become upset with themselves and their decisions, and in order to mitigate this upset, they blame someone else as the cause.

language in this matter is important. my decisions for my life don't "Make" others unhappy or feel judged. They choose to feel that way when confronted with my choices and authenticity regarding those choices because of their own choices and insecurities about those choices.

Quote:
Just deal with it gracefully. Tell them that, in your opinion, homeschool offers as much and more for YOUR child, and assure them that you know that homeschooling isn't for everyone. If you approach those friends with the assurance that you do not look down on anyone for sending their children off to school, they may respond more favorably.
absolutely!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,517 Posts
Zoebird, you're totally right. I chose some of my words poorly. I also believe that everyone is master of their own choices, thoughts and feelings. One can not "make" anyone feel any particular way.
That said, it is by all means true that the way you approach someone solicits a particular response. If you are confrontational or blunt (even untintentionally) they are more likely to respond defensively. You did not "make" them feel that way, but there is truth in saying that you might have led them toward a particular feeling. If you approach a subject tactfully- especially one that tends to irritate already tender feelings, you are more likely to "make" the person feel at ease.
Example: I could reasonably say that my SIL "makes" me angry every time I talk to her

Even though I can choose to override that feeling, and respond more appropriately, my immediate response to everything she says *ever* is anger. If she were to learn to talk to me in a less self-important, condescending manner, I would respond to her more agreeably.
Does that make sense?
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top