vetran cosleepers, do you really worry about suffocation?

796 Views 15 Replies 15 Participants Last post by Peony, Sep 13, 2010

SilverFish

Discussion Starter · Sep 12, 2010

maybe this is a naive question, but i've been thinking about it. we partially bedshare with my 6 month old (she starts the night in the crib next to me, comes to bed with us at her first night-waking, might go back in the crib if she's being a bed hog) and were almost fully bed-sharing at some points.

when she was tiny, of course we were really nervous about having her in the bed... we stripped out all the extra pillows, slept with a light blanket on my hips, woke a million times to check her head placement etc.

now i'm wondering how realistic my concerns ever were. obviously a tiny newborn needs some extra help since they're immobile, but i could see her being able to move around the bed to suit her needs fairly early on. no matter how far from me she was placed when we went to bed, i almost always woke to her snuggled into my breast and armpit... she managed to wiggle in there from a couple weeks onwards.

slowly we relaxed, and now we have two pillows each and a duvet (our preferred sleep covering). dd sleeps in her crib with a blanket, and often a couple of toys if i forget to take them out. when she sleeps with us, i really don't find myself needing to watch the duvet or pillow placement, dd moves so she is comfortable. and yet i'm always reading about how ANY covering might cause suffocation. is that just cosleeping paranoia? i've seen dd with my own eyes cover her face with my duvet or her blanket, wiggle and giggle (it's like a super fun game to her) and then just as easily remove it, from about 2-3 months onwards. even in her sleep she will move a blanket from her face. you would literally have to physically press any of our blankets or pillows *into* her face to cut off her air flow. i'm pretty sure it would be almost impossible for her to do it to herself.

am i playing fast and loose with my daughter's life by allowing anything soft and fluffy within a 10 foot radius of her sleeping body? or are all the rules about cosleeping that you read and hear about just super cautious paranoia born of a culture that just doesn't really get cosleeping? what do you think?

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fruitfulmomma

· #2 · Sep 12, 2010

When I started bedsharing over 10 years ago there was no one around to tell me not to use blankets and pillows in my own bed. If there had been maybe I wouldn't have bedshared at all. I can *not* sleep without those things.

Suffocation is a legitimate concern because it does happen, but I am not overly fearful of it. What I do is I generally spoon with the baby so that we are chest to back and I pull up the blankets to my armpit and then angle them down below the baby's arm and keep my arm over the top of the blanket. Then I put my other arm above the baby' head. So far this has worked really well for us to keep anything away from their faces.

As they get older and start to move around they generally kick the covers off and change positions and what not and I just make sure I check on them once in awhile.

Hannah32

· #3 · Sep 12, 2010

I am so eager to read the responses to this thread, as I am also a newbie co-sleeper.

I'm not on the "blankets are the instruments of death" train either. It just seems a little much. Sam could kick out of a tight swaddle from birth, so I learned that light blankets seem to be able to be in baby's space without disaster. A couple of weeks in, we purchased a light knit blankie (with lots of holes) and that's been good.

It's getting chillier though, so I'm pondering our next move. Hubby was all keen to use my old baby blanket, but it's too big, so I'm not cool with it. I ordered a Miracle Blanket, thinking we'd give swaddling another try.

That's only for his first sleep, as he generally needs to nurse no later than three hours after being put to bed. Right now, I have only light blankets on the bed and I spoon him, so he's good, but we're going to need to add more blankets soon. Not sure what we'll do and I'll be reading.

Have to say, though I'm not a particularly enthusiastic co-sleeper, that driving has got to kill more babies per year than co-sleeping. I'm sure suffocation does happen, but it seems more like a freak accident than anything likely to occur.

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SubliminalDarkness

· #4 · Sep 12, 2010

Honestly, I was pretty cautious. And when we did have him in his crib(which wasn't much) it was bare. No bumpers, no blankets, no stuffed animals.....

kriket

· #5 · Sep 12, 2010

I'm not a seasoned veteran, but we have coslept for 16m. We're not blanket or pillow people, DH and I each have a pillow, and we have a comforter style blanket, not overly fluffy, but not flannel.

I was worried about suffocation a little, but in reality, if you dress them for bed in feetie PJs, of even layers if it's that cold, you don't really have to worry about blankets.

I am a huge fan of the crib being sidecarred, that way I can wad up in the blankets, and DS can have his firmer, blanket/pillow free zone.

I also tend to think people can be too protective. It's a serious thing, but so is a comet smashing into your house, but we don't lose sleep over that.

Hannah32

· #6 · Sep 12, 2010

I keep the crib empty as well, not that he will sleep there. I would be more cautious with me not in the room. We may wind up sidecarring eventually.

MarineWife

· #7 · Sep 12, 2010

I have co-slept with 3 babies so far. My first was only part-time and not deliberate. I only started co-sleeping with him after I decided very quickly that it was too dangerous for me to try to sit up to nurse him in the middle of the night. I would invariably fall asleep and was afraid I'd drop him. I started laying him down with me and we'd both drift back to sleep. With my 2nd and 3rd it was a deliberate choice to co-sleep 100% of the time.

I wouldn't say that I worry about suffocation but I do take some precautions. From the beginning with ds2 we kept all our pillows and blankets on the bed and he slept in-between me and the edge of the bed and in-between me and dh. He was always snuggled up right next to me so there really wasn't much chance of dh rolling over and suffocating him because dh would have had to roll over on both of us.

With ds3, all 4 of us were in the bed. The baby stayed in between me and the edge of the bed with a bedrail. I was a little concerned about suffocating him while he was nursing on my top breast. It didn't happen, though. I was always aware of our relative positions and would wake up if I felt myself falling asleep on top of him.

Personally, I think that most of the concerns about suffocation from blankets, pillows and toys come from incidence with babies sleeping alone in cribs or with impaired parents who do not mean to co-sleep, such as those who pass out on the couch with their babies. I think mothers are instinctively attuned to their baby's position and breathing when co-sleeping. I know I was. Also, once babies can lift their heads at around 2 weeks, the risk of suffocation is reduced.

Co-sleeping is what nature intended. It is instinctive mothering behavior. We see it across the animal kingdom with nursing mammals. If it were so dangerous, none of us would exist because we would have killed off most our offspring long before we could have populate the planet. I trust that nature has equiped mothers and babies with safeguards.

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laohaire

· #8 · Sep 12, 2010

We were a little afraid when she was a tiny newborn, but we would have been no matter where she slept, you know? She was tiny and new to us, and seemed so fragile and helpless. I really don't see it as a "bed-sharing is risky and dangerous, and the crib is safe" situation. Both situations require awareness and monitoring. For me, I could be far more aware while bed-sharing. Like many moms, I was very alert to my baby at night. If she were in a crib I either could not have been as alert or would have been so alert that I would have had no prayer of any sleep at all.

As she got older (say, 6 months), I didn't feel like there was much concern. She was old enough that she could react if something was bothering her.

Sfcmama

· #9 · Sep 12, 2010

Great post! We've only been cosleeping for 7mo (since birth) and have changed so much in that time. DD loves to cuddle and is a "fabric junkie" - she will wiggle around endlessly until she finds a body, blanket or pillow to shove her face into. At first, it consumed me with fear and I was checking her breathing every 20 seconds. Then, as she became a better roller/crawler, I realized she would change positions if her air flow wasn't good enough. Also, DH has grown to be much more aware of her in the bed. I too hope that I'm not being under cautious but also love all the sleep we are getting!!

princesstutu

· #10 · Sep 12, 2010

I started cosleeping 12 years ago (sniff sniff) and the only time I've ever worried about suffocation was when I read about the potential for it in a book or magazine. And, that was only in the beginning. Since then, I've rolled my eyes and now it doesn't warrant a response from me. Because it's just not a legitimate concern for me.

I've rolled onto babies in my sleep. I rolled right off, again, too. It woke me up. I didn't roll onto the entire baby and stay asleep. I rolled onto a leg or something. Since I don't go to bed under the influence of anything except tiredness, I don't see how being concerned about suffocation will benefit me.

I have always slept with lots of pillows and comforters. I've watched babies as young as newly born turn their heads and fidget when their breathing was being hampered by a pillow. I do make sure that blankets stay off the face (except when I'm doing that special getting out of bed technique that involves putting the blanket close to the face so that the baby doesn't realize I'm gone...which never works, by the way

), but this isn't a concern of mine. And, I've witnessed so many instances of babies showing how dedicated they are to not having their breathing obstructed.

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eclipse

· #11 · Sep 12, 2010

I never really worried. I didn't keep extraneous pillows and blankets in the bed, and if the babies were sleeping on their own for a nap or before I came to bed at night, I'd take off the pillows and blankets, but I never went to extremes. But when I came to bed, we both (baby and I) slept under a blanket together (when dh was in bed with us, he used his own blanket) and dh and I both used pillows. From birth (even with my pretermer), I could see my kids moving things off their faces and turning their bodies away from obstructions, even while asleep, so it didn't really concern me. I wouldn't have buried them under piles of fluffy down comforters and pillows, but the standard pillow+blanket combo didn't seem to be an issue.

dakotablue

· #12 · Sep 12, 2010

SIDS was and is always a concern in my mind. I've just stopped being as concerned as DS is reaching that magical age of 1 year.

We use blankets and pillows, but DS is not under the blankets nor near the pillows (he's usually eye level with my breasts) I have never swaddled DS to sleep alone or with us also sleeping. I believe that even newborns have survival instincts when it comes to suffocation and when they don't have their arms or legs they can't 'fight'. (referring to moving or being moved into suffocation rather than non breathing during deep sleep)

As he has gotten older he still doesn't like blankets, but will occasionally move up to the pillows, I usually just move him or them.

In a crib, we are just starting, I keep very very little in the crib, a few books, toy car and 1 stuffed toy. I think Stanley (our purple bear) will be migrating away as soon as DS stays in crib for longer than 15 minutes.

fyrwmn

· #13 · Sep 12, 2010

i've co-slept with both kids so far, and will with the new baby too. we even co-slept in the hospital. dh and istill use pillows and blankets. i make sure that the blankets aren't big bulky ones, but other than that, i don't worry too much. the kids seemed to naturally sleep on their side, facing me. i ended up with my nose touching their forehead, i think unconciously so that i coul dtell where they were, and i always made sure that the blanket was no more than waist high on the baby. i was way more concerned about having them sleep away from me where i wasn't as aware of them. dh sleeps heavily, so he doesn't co-sleep with them while they're really litle without me in bed too, and baby doesn't sleep between us.

Vancouver Mommy

· #14 · Sep 13, 2010

I have been co-sleeping for five years and honesty, I am more fearful that they will suffocate me these days! When they were really small I had an arms reach co-sleeper attached to the bed.

AFWife

· #15 · Sep 13, 2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma

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When I started bedsharing over 10 years ago there was no one around to tell me not to use blankets and pillows in my own bed. If there had been maybe I wouldn't have bedshared at all. I can *not* sleep without those things.

Suffocation is a legitimate concern because it does happen, but I am not overly fearful of it. What I do is I generally spoon with the baby so that we are chest to back and I pull up the blankets to my armpit and then angle them down below the baby's arm and keep my arm over the top of the blanket. Then I put my other arm above the baby' head. So far this has worked really well for us to keep anything away from their faces.

As they get older and start to move around they generally kick the covers off and change positions and what not and I just make sure I check on them once in awhile.

This is totally me!

Actually, when DS was about 5mo I did roll over almost on him one night. I woke up just as I started to make contact...at the exact same moment he let out a big irritated "Ugh!!" at me. After that I never worried about it...he always fussed when anything got near his face and he didn't put it there on purpose.

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Peony

· #16 · Sep 13, 2010

Co-sleeping 7 years here. My babies have never slept anywhere but with a parent, 2 out of my 3 still sleep in a baed with a parent and the 3rd in the same room. I have never worried about suffocation, I love blankets, big thick ones and I use them. I sleep with a pillow as well. Usually when they are tiny they sleep on top of me or in my arms. DS was the only one that preferred to have "his" own space so he got it, just right next to me. I had one baby on O2 until she was 7 months old, it made co-sleeping a little more interesting because I would wake up completely wrapped in tubing.

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