Mothering Forum banner

1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
430 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been very easy-going with X. He took the kids when he wanted, ignored them when he wished, etc, etc. Since his arrest a week ago for breaking and entering (!) I really don't want him to even see the kids! But, I don't want/can't handle a court battle. I have sole physical custody, joint legal. He doesn't want them too much so I can't complain. Basically, I need to set some ground rules. Only certain days, only with 48 hours notice, etc. What ground rules do you have with your X, if any. I'm sick of his spur of the moment "hey, I feel like being a dad today..." What suggestions do you have? He text messaged me yesterday to pick them up after school and I just ignored him. Unfortunately, I can't ignore him forever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,062 Posts
Unfortunately, I'm in the same visitation situation as you (minus the guy breaking into my home <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: ). Whenever dd fits into his schedule is when he'll call to see her. I'm lucky if I get 2 hours notice! I actually tried to talk to him about the short notice and he got <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"> saying I wasn't giving him reasonable visits. I tried to calmly explain 2 hours notice wasn't reasonable and the short notice drove me bonkers. Got all kinds of threats from him about going back to court, starting overnights, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah"> . After I explained that I never denied him visits (even that night when he was giving me 10mins notice and I was tired, sick, and it was very cold <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ) he changed his tune and started apologizing that he wasn't trying to be a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"> . Whatever.<br><br>
I hope you have more luck setting up some guidelines!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
Oh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"> no! My ex was the same way so i made sure it was in writing. Granted his work schedule was sporatic, it wasn't like he wanted to be so last minute, but basically it says that he'll AT LEAST give me 24 hours notice in advance if he has to reschedule, make up, or whatever visitation. We used to have MWFSat but 4x a week made scheduling just horrid. Now she goes every other weekend so it's not that big of a deal, but believe me, i understand your frustration!<br><br>
In our order it just says something like "the parties will agree upon visitation at least 24 hours in advance, if not it's up to the mothers discresion... blah blah blah.. legal mumbo jumbo... reschedule visitation in a week if it's missed and go to mediation if you two can't figure it out" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
430 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MissSavannahsMommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7275622"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"> no! My ex was the same way so i made sure it was in writing.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Was this in the original paperwork? How can I easily correct this type of thing that was vague in my Divorce Agreement? visitation is vague and also physical belongings and guess what? Both are driving me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I thought we'd done a good job. I thought my lawyer did a good job but apparently NO! UGH! Can he and I sit down, write up an ammendment and file it with the court?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cheyennemama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7276728"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Was this in the original paperwork? How can I easily correct this type of thing that was vague in my Divorce Agreement? visitation is vague and also physical belongings and guess what? Both are driving me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I thought we'd done a good job. I thought my lawyer did a good job but apparently NO! UGH! Can he and I sit down, write up an ammendment and file it with the court?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
you sure can, just make sure its notarized and filed with your divorce decree. Do you think he'd go for that? I'd just say something like "needs ____ days/hours advance notice, if NCP does not facilitate that request it is up to the CP has the opportunity to reschedule or allow visitation on such short notice. If visitation is missed, make up visit must be made within a week" or something like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,616 Posts
In my sep agreement it says that I have full custody and visitation is as mutually agreed. Basically if I don't agree no visitation. I set it up that way b/c ex is a little unstable and I had no idea what would happen after we seperated. I really try hard not to abuse that power. He is very good with ds and ds loves him alot.<br>
Basically it has been 1 or 2 evenings a week and 1 or 2 days/nights on the weekend. A little more right now b/c ex is not working and I am working 50 hrs a week. I would rather ds be with him then sitters.<br>
When he was working I was trying to get it to 2 evenings a week and 1 night over the weekend. We will see what happens when I go back to work.<br>
Ususally on Sun or Mon we figure out visitation for that up coming week.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top