[Katy_R]

I just told my husband I was leaving last Saturday. Tonight is my first night in my new apartment, and I'm really excited about that. Yay!

Last night I had dinner with husband and son, because my husband wanted to see Ivan (son), and also because he is just hanging on, and pushing me to keep trying to "work things out." But that's another thread...

Anyway, on the way home (we went to drop STBX back off at his parents') Ivan fell asleep, so STBX and I started talking about what to do about Ivan for the next couple weeks. We've been winging it so far.

STBX wants 50/50, every week. Every other night. I want 3 nights with him, 4 nights with me. I don't think I can give on that. I just can't. STBX kept saying "I don't want to argue about this now, I don't want this to create more bad blood in our relationship, yadda yadda." But, um... no.

He was pretty adamant about it being 50/50. Then he starts talking about how if we went in front of a judge, they'd probably set up something like one week with him, one week with me. NO. I CANNOT do that. And then he pulls the "well, you're the one who wanted to leave" crap. Yeah, because you're a passive-aggressive a-hole.

I think I'm willing to fight the every other night thing. I don't want 50/50. I think I'm going to call my lawyer and see what *he* thinks would happen if we started talking legally about visitation. To see if the one week/one week thing is really that common in our state. When I talked to him before, he seemed to think the 4/3 thing was very likely.

I'm not above telling STBX that if he fights me on this, I will file for divorce under extreme cruelty (NJ's version of "irreconcilable differences," except that technically someone is at fault). I will do it, and I will fight for 4 nights. He desperately doesn't want me to file for divorce, but... Don't mess with me and my kid.

I jsut have the feeling that this is the start of some long, ugly times.

-Katy

 

[JustVanessa]

to you mama. Figuring out the visitation sucks.

 

[mamajama]

It seems there is a lot of common ground to work with. You both are prepared to offer a lot to the other parent in terms of the amount of visitation.
Have you tried mediation? Exhausting every possible non-adversarial option before talking court is always the best way to go.
Every other night is a LOT of back and forth for the little guy and will be pretty taxing on both parents as well. I think his dad would find that as well. Imagine sleeping in a different place every single night? That would drive anyone around the bend, I think. One night is just not enough to get into a groove and the two of you would have to communicate every single day over times, drop offs, activities for Ivan etc. It's just too much.

 

[woobysma]

I agree, every other night is a bad idea, IMO. I would try to do mediation, since it sounds like you are both relatively reasonable.

 

[Jilian]

 

[Katy_R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamajama Exhausting every possible non-adversarial option before talking court is always the best way to go.

I agree, and I feel a little less nuts tonight... My mama bear hackles were WAY up yesterday. We still haven't gotten it worked out, but we're still talking.

It's just such a hard, hard issue.

It tears me apart every night I'm away from my little guy, and I don't want him shuttling back and forth all the time. I also don't want to take him away from his father.

We'll figure something out, eventually. Right now, though, he is sleeping like an angel in his new bed, in his new room, in *our* new home.

-Katy