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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
our final court date is tomorrow at 9am. c's dad told me last night that he ca't sign off on the agreement because he doesn't think it's fair that i'm limiting c's time with my mom. (seriously, it took him till just now to grow a @#$% pair? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">)<br><br>
she's pretty messed up. i've tried working through it over the past 3ish years but she's stuck in her ways and certainly doesn't view herself as being as nasty and manipulative as she actually is. i refuse to invest anymore energy into a relationship that only causes me pain (i have to take anti-anxiety meds before seeing her and i have horrible dreams about her for weeks after).<br><br>
she adored c's dad from the moment they met (probably because he's almost as passive-aggressive as she is) and i think he's been talking stuff over with her and confiding about the divorce. this isn't healthy but i can't tell him what to do. he just sees her as being SO caring and SO devoted to caspian. i, on the other hand, know that it only takes such small things to "cross" my parents and then they really crack down. i don't want my son to spend his childhood loving and honoring these people (like i did) only to have them turn on him like they turned on me. already she b*tches about his long hair, homeschooling, whatever she can think of to criticize ME but now she has him for extra ammo. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
in addition to not "seeing" her clearly, c's dad is very passive and never wants to make waves with people. i think a lot of his reluctance comes down to that- he said "i'm not the doormat you think i am" and keeps saying he can handle himself around her and adequately protect casi. i wonder, though, how can he when he doesn't know what he's protecting him from?<br><br>
this is rambly and doesn't make much sense. i just don't know how else i can convince him. i'm actually "divorcing" my parents this year too. i offered to let him read the letters i'm sending, to gain some insight into why our relationship was so troubling to me and why i do NOT want a repeat for my kid.<br><br>
any ideas (before tomorrow) on how to get him to see the light? (i suppose that's the magic question for all exes, huh?)
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
he won't sign the agreement. so, despite my high hopes, i'm not getting divorced today after all. i can hardly believe it. i thought i'd just wake up this morning and be able to GET ON WITH MY LIFE but apparently not. he basically told me that my mom didn't actually "beat" me as a child, like his dad did, and he could see no reason why casi needs to be protected from her.<br><br>
oh, crap. i just remembered i can't really apply for housing assistance (or foodstamps or healthcare) until we're technically divorced or they'll count his income. great. i get to be poor and trapped in this falling down apartment even longer.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm so sorry. I can't imagine why your word on your own mother isn't enough for anyone. This will happen and if it's that important that your mother stay away, then it's worth the wait to make that happen.<br><br>
I hope you get good news soon.<br>
Lisa
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
thanks, mama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
this is so stinky momma.<br><br>
is there anyway you can file an appeal for social assistance? i mean, you have divorce papers drawn up?<br><br>
i'm not single, i just saw this in new posts, so i don't know the ins and outs of divorce but there has got to be a way that you can declare yourself separated or something!!<br><br><br>
i'll be sending you positives!!
 
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