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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Oh boy, did I put my foot in it without even realizing it!!<br><br>
Ok, my x and I have out dd, who is turning 5 next week. When I asked for a separation last year he raised the bar and announced that he was moving to Baltimore in a week (meaning he had been planning this for a long time...wonder when he was gonna clue me in...) He actually tried to convince me to do some sort of joint custody across the country thing ("She can spend six months with you and six months with me...") that the lawyers both thought was stupid beyond belief. So when things did get written up I agreed that she could spend summer vacation with her dad. I never thought that they meant the ENTIRE summer!!! Ugh. My goof, but now I am freaking out because I dont want her gone that long, all the way out in a big scary city!!! He gets all snarky at me "You didnt have any trouble running off with the Army and leaving her behind for a year and a half" Like it was my choice!!! So she is leaving on the 31st and wont be back until AUGUST!!!<br><br>
I am not sure I can handle this...I am going to go crazy wondering what she is doing every second of every day. Not to mention that now I cant do any traveling with both kids; no camping, no MT Rushmore, nothing. She is going to start kindergarten two weeks after she gets home!! I have no idea how to get around this, and I dont think I have time!!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am so sorry, thats a LONG TIME for a 5 year old. How does she feel about it? Is there any way of compromising with him and shortening the visit? If not, if I were you I would be vacationing in Baltimore so you can t least see her mid summer.<br><br>
Good Luck!
 

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My boyfriend's daughter staring coming up for 7 week visits in the summer starting when she was 5, and her sister goes to visit her dad for 6 or 7 weeks in the summer also, which started when she was 5. If she's used to being with her dad that long (was she with him when you were in the army?) she should be ok with it, although understanably it is very hard for you.<br><br>
It's probably not something you can get around, since you can't go to court and say "I want to go camping so she has to come home." Is there way you can go visit in mid summer?<br><br>
And, having a nice long stretch of time with her dad will help their relationship, they can get into a good routine and it will be more normal, as opposed to shorter visits where the time is spent getting used to being together, and then preparing for the leaving, and trying to make things "special".<br><br>
Just make sure you call regularly, send letters, pictures, and I hope the time goes by fast for you.
 

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if you ever go back to change your agreement, try to get yourself a week of vacation time in the summer. Before I was divorced we both agreed on pulling children out of school for family vacations but the judges don't seem to look kindly on school absences. Would your ex give you one or two weekends or weekday overnights if you were able to take time off to travel to his area in the summer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
She is excited about the trip, and I know she will be ok, and so will he (he did take care of her while I was in Iraq, and her grandfather is going to be staying out there the whole time she is...he lives here in Minnesota, so I am not really sure why he is going except to babysit). As far as visiting her while she is there, I cant do it. I have to work at least 40 hours a week just to make the mortgage on the house and have money for groceries. The rest of the bills require a second job and overtime to make. No way for me to take time off, not to mention the airfare or gas to get out there. And he has made it clear that I am not welcome in his state, much less his home. He would let me see her, I am sure, but he would make me suffer for it<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: . Naw, I just have to deal with it. But I dont have to like it.<br><br>
On the upswing, I am gonna use the time she is gone to repaint her room. Easier to do when I dont have to make her sleep on the couch for a weekend!
 
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