waiting...

774 Views 8 Replies 8 Participants Last post by lexbeach, Jun 22, 2007

pdxmomazon

Discussion Starter · Jun 21, 2007

just a vent...a looong vent

I've been waiting to get pregnant since i was like, oh, 12. Being queer was a great thing for me since I'm sure my desire to have a baby would've overcome any birth control method I used were I having sex that involved sperm!!!

When I met my wife I was surprised to realize she was "the one." She isn't really butch. She wanted to carry a child. Wow! She is slightly older than me so she got to carry our daughter. I thought I might be jealous, but I wasn't. I loved seeing her grow soft and round with our baby girl!! However, we started planning when I would try as soon as our daughter was born. We figured when she was 18 months old it would be a good time to start. She'd be at least 27 months old when #2 came around, I would give birth in the early spring, possibly have a pisces, and the birth date might be around my mom and sister's. I've been looking forward to June 2007 for a long time

Our daughter is a high intensity child. She still doesn't sleep through the night. Taking care of her for the past 18 months has taken it's toll on me physically, which has impacted me emotionally and mentally. This winter I got sick a lot more than usual- even when our daughter was well. My wife finally convinced me to see our naturopath/homeopath about it. That was in May. She did an adrenal stress test and I found out that my adrenals were way outta wack. Basically I had the choice- do an intensive month of supplements to try and prepare for pregnancy, or wait to try until August, do a cleanse, and then take a course of supplements to prepare for pregnancy. Plan one was a stop-gap method, plan two was actually healing...

So, I chose plan 2. And it's June. And I feel much better! And tomorrow I ovulate. My best friend is inseminating two weeks from now. We had been excited to possibly get pregnant at the same time. I know I made a good choice, but I am tempted to call, get the sperm in the morning, and go in for an insemination tomorrow afternoon! I've warned my wife that she has to stop me. I'm fertile and I don't want to wait! (but I probably will. like I said, this is just a rant)

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TheGirls

· #2 · Jun 21, 2007

I can totally understand where you're coming from. When I was 8, I dreamed of becoming the youngest mother ever (before I understood about such things as cycles and sperm, of course). I dated a man in college, and it took nearly all the strength I had to avoid messing with the birth control. When I started to fall for my partner, I mourned losing the possibility of getting pregnant accidentally. When our relationship grew serious, she promised me we could try for a baby in 3 years. In the past 6 months (2 years after that conversation) she has felt really genuinely ready. For months we had planned on June or July 2007. However, after a period of unemployment (for me), an international trip that took a harder than expected toll on my body, and some concerns about her work schedule, we decided it would be much better, physically and financially, if we waited until August.

But I'm fertile right now (ovulate today). I know if I get pregnant today, I won't make my "one year anniversary" at my current job, and that that will cause financial problems (have to pay back signing bonus, etc). I know that waiting will make it much easier for my partner to be there for me during late pregnancy and birth. And I know my body would probably benefit from 2 months of health, even though I feel good today.

Hang in there pdxmomazon. Remember you still might get pregnant around the same time as your friend, August is only 2 months away. And even if she gets pregnant on the first try, you'll still be pregnant together. If we both hold on until tomorrow or so, we'll only have to endure one more cycle of *not trying*.

And judging by your timing this month, we might be due date buddies if we're both successful in the same month!

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gamitzer

· #3 · Jun 21, 2007

It is really hard to wait when you want to TTC right away. My wife wanted to start trying last December, I wanted to start in August. We met in the middle and started in October. We tried three times in four months, and then it worked in February. We were much better off for waiting. My wife was able to finish school, which would have been really hard during those first few months when she was super tired. We also helped avoid her being too pregnant during her busy work season (right now), which is much easier for her, physically. And yay, she won't be huge during this humid DC summer! My wife is a big believer in fate, and I'm trying to get on board with that. I do think there was a plan in place (who's plan, I have no idea) so I'm trying to think positively about the timing.
And, if it helps, when I was younger I was never interested in giving birth or being a mom, but I always get wistful about babies when I'm ovulating. Even now, with my wife fantastically pregnant I think Hmm, maybe I could get pregnant and the kids would be close together in age. I tell you, hormones make me nutty sometimes! That's not going to happen!

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MujerMamaMismo

· #4 · Jun 21, 2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdxmomazon

Being queer was a great thing for me since I'm sure my desire to have a baby would've overcome any birth control method I used were I having sex that involved sperm!!!

I've always said that too. Lucky I'm a lesbian or my mum would have been a granny at 40!!

oh yeah...I'm also hating the waiting game...but we're both almost there and it will come faster than we realise. I promise and if I promise, it must be true because I'm a SUPER impatient Aries.

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KnittingTigers

· #5 · Jun 22, 2007

Oh, I know what you mean! I inseminated for the first time this month, and I had been waiting SOOO LONG! You know, after I inseminated, even when it was way too early to test, I was just so happy that I *might* be pregnant. It's funny, I dated men when I was younger, and I was always so terrified of getting pregnant by accident, and this whole past year, I kept having dreams of discovering that I was accidentally pregnant, and being thrilled by it. Of course, that was absolutely impossible, since I haven't slept with a man in ages. So, after inseminating, it was great to feel like that possibility was there; it almost didn't matter if I really was or not.

And, to give you hope, I got pregnant on my first try! Sadly, I miscarried this week, but I'm really happy to know that I can in fact get pregnant, and I'm looking forward to trying again. I've also barely managed to convince myself to skip this cycle, so I'll be joining you guys in the August babymaking.

Hang in there! You're almost there, and it may happen faster than you think!

Good luck!

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mama2rey

· #6 · Jun 22, 2007

I can totally relate. I remember dating a guy 10 years ago who was totally wrong for me. However, I had a pregnancy scare. I remember feeling a little disapointed when I finally got my period. All my life I've wanted to be pregnant-and now finally I am and it feels very surreal.

I say that while it's hard that it's definately OK to wait until the time is right. I also want to say though that you should maybe set a date and then start trying no matter what. I know that with DP and myself it would have been easy for us to just wait and wait-and never actually start trying. So I say-you agreed that it was August so wait until then.

I also got pregnant on the first try. When we actually started trying we thought it was going to take awhile so this was our "practice run" so it definately can happen right away!

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pdxmomazon

Discussion Starter · #7 · Jun 22, 2007

thanks for all the nice posts! Angela- wow our cycles are similar, as are our stories! We may very well end up due date buddies!

it's soooo different the second time around. i still remember the date- January 6, 2005, when my wife called me on her walk to work and said "I'm ready to have a baby!" (i'd been waiting on her for quite some time!) it was a whirlwind after that- trying to figure out when she ovulated, but not wanting to give up our first try to find out for sure! (it didn't work the 1st time) The entire process was all encompassing. For three months all we thought about was getting pregnant. And then for the next nine months all we thought about was having a baby!

Now it's a much more "reasonable" process (as evidenced by my dilema) and I have our daughter to keep me running non-stop all day. i talked to my friend and my wife about it today and i am going to wait

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FtMPapa

· #8 · Jun 22, 2007

I hear you on the waiting.

My ex-partner and I were planning to have a baby, but he wasn't 100% on board, so even though we had put ourselves on a five year plan, I knew it wasn't going to happen.

That five years is coming to an end. I've started trying, done two cycles, but I was ready to be pregnant years ago. And now the waiting to actually conceive is here, and the intense waiting two weeks every cycle, and eventually the waiting for the actual take-home baby (fertility clinic terminology - I hate it, so I use it jokingly) begins.

The waiting is hard. I found doing other things to prepare myself was helpful. Reading up on pregnancy and birth, thinking about parenting, trying out some parenting strategies with the kids in my life, and trying to cultivate support from friends - these things are helpful.

Good luck, and I wish you patience and healing in the next few months.

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lexbeach

· #9 · Jun 22, 2007

I do think that the timing probably works out for the best in the end.

I also wanted to be a mom at 13! I didn't even have my period yet. I used to fantasize about somehow buying sperm from a sperm bank without my parents knowing, lol. I met dw when I was 18, and she was 21. She was nowhere near ready to have a baby. She convinced me to wait until I graduated from college, and it was really hard to wait. I got pregnant 2 weeks after I graduated, just after I turned 22. People were shocked that we chose to start our family "so soon," and I was like, "are you kidding?! I've been WAITING for 9 YEARS!"

When our twins were 12 months old, we talked a lot about the possibility of dw getting pregnant. She was excited, I was excited, we were about to order the sperm when she decided we should wait until the end of the summer because of her summer job. I started knitting baby booties in anticipation. Then, at the end of the summer, dw said she had changed her mind and she didn't want to get pregnant and she really didn't think she ever wanted us to have more babies. WHAT?! I was so sad. But eventually she came around and a year later (our twins were 2.5 at the time), she said that she was ready for us to try and get me pregnant again. It took five months, and I got pregnant 2 days after the twins turned 3. So, it was about 2 years later than our original plan (to get dw pregnant when the twins were 12 months old), and I was waiting for a baby every single day of those 2 years. But, now that our baby is here (and 7 months old! How did that happen?) I can't remember the waiting at all, and I feel like the timing was perfect. Our twins were 3 years and 9 months old when the baby was born and they were really the perfect age to welcome a new sibling. I can't imagine it working out as well if we had been successful earlier.

So, yeah. Hang in there. It will all work out perfectly in the end, and you really won't remember all this waiting time!

Lex

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