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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
STBX and I have pretty much worked out all the details of the divorce. Of course, this is only with a therapist so things could always change when we sit in front of a lawyer. He has agreed to joint legal custody with me being the residential parent. This would mean that technically, he is supposed to pay me child support. But I make significantly more money than him and have been supporting the whole family for the last 7 years. The first few years will be tough because I am going to get a full-time nanny (he was a SAHD), but when youngest goes to 1st grade, it will be much easier.

He said he is only agreeing to this if he doesn't have to pay me CS. I am ok with this, but I have been told that I can't waive that money because it is for the kids.

Is there anyway possible to waive it? How will it have to be worded in an agreement?

TIA!
 

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Sorry, but I think he should be residential parent since he's the one who has been the primary caregiver. And when he consults with an attorney, that is probably what his attorney will tell him. Not only that, given that he's been a SAHD, he would also probably be able to get spousal support from you. Another thing that his attorney will tell him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
You are making a judgement call without having ANY knowledge of my situation. I had this long post typed out defending myself, but I decided that I really don't need to do that. Most of the people on this board know about my situation - you can find my previous posts and read if you care to.

And by the way, he has seen a lawyer and they have told him that. And I have seen a lawyer and all of the ones I have seen said there is no doubt I would get residential due to all the extenuating circumstances.

STBX and I have decided that we don't want a fight and want to keep as much of the money that we have now intact.

So if anyone has advice on how to waive child support, that would me much appreciated.
 

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I think (and I'm not a lawyer) that if you guys file with everything already decided and signed off on, that you may be able to get that through.

If not, I would think you could maybe put in some kind of wording about him waiving alimony for you waiving c/s. (Since you'd, in essence, be paying him alimony just to have him pay you child support, which kind of doesn't make much sense. The tax aspects of that would be interesting.)

That's definitely a question for an attorney though. Only they would know the answer.
 

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I was told that you can not waive child support. Child support belongs to the kid not the parent. There's a formula based on income, based on percentage of parenting time with each parent, number of children, cost of child care, length of the marriage, etc. There's a calculator and you plug everything in and it comes out with who owes who and how much and it's not negotiable. Of course that may be different in different states. *IF* it turns out that he does owe you child support the only thing you could do is give him spousal support in the amount that he is paying in child support. That way he doesn't end up paying anything.

If you make a lot more money than he does I think there's a chance he wouldn't have to pay anyway. But again you need someone to run this all through the formula for your state.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama View Post
If you can't waive it due to the law, but never go after him for it if he doesn't pay?...just thinking out loud.
That would be fine by me, but I don't think that he would believe that I would never go after it.
 

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This is a very fuzzy memory and I don't have a family law background...but...I think you could agree to waive it (leaving the option open in the future like someone else said). My understanding is that the people that aren't allowed to waive it are the people on some sort of government assistance. A judge may very well want to make sure you know what you're agreeing to in case they were worried you're being bullied into the decision. But if they see that you have had the higher income for a long time they'll probably accept the decision.

However, your state may have different rules too!! Again, I don't have much or any experience in family law so those are just general memories from things I learned a long time ago!!!

When I first started thinking about divorce, my first instinct was to waive child support and just start fresh. STBX really can't support himself and a child support obligation may just end up behind before it even starts. (He was way behind when I first met him for the CS from his first marriage.) But I decided that it wasn't fair to me or my son. Our state does the math for us so I'm taken out of the equation emotionally. And I'll never ever budget for it. But it can go into DS's college savings or pay for visits to his grandparents across country or to save for a house of our own some day. Things that I would try to make happen anyway, but that would be difficult.

Just another thought. If the state requires you to take some support, perhaps you can agree to a lesser amount as a compromise?
 

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In my experience, child support was not able to be waived. My ex and I had a very good relationship with each other and our ds and custody was as close to 50/50 as you could get. Technically, he had residential custody (they required one person to have that), but we lived close enough together for a long time that ds was able to choose where he spent time each day. I was ordered to pay cs, but ex never requested it. Throughout the years, he and I would contribute to the other as appropriate, but never a specific amount. When I came into a significant bit of money, though, the entire amount of cs due was awarded to ex, even though he never requested it. Having said that, it was required by my state (Oregon) that all cs was funneled through the state, for recordkeeping purposes, so the state of oregon did not have any record of support ever having been paid. It turns out that eventually, the state would have gone after my tax refund. HTH!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama View Post
If you can't waive it due to the law, but never go after him for it if he doesn't pay?...just thinking out loud.
Technically, the kids could go after it later on since its their money. So even if mom doesn't go after the money and the issue is reserved for a later time, the kids could and it has happened before. I really don't think he can escape the responsibility indefinitely. Even dads that give up their rights can't escape paying child support unless there is another man willing to adopt the kids. Hey - there's an idea!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysByMySide View Post
Out of curiosity, will you be paying any spousal support?
If you're asking me, then the answer is no. STBX is perfectly capable of supporting himself. He's in a pinch now because of student loan debts (kept going back to school every time he quit/got fired/laid off) and a military debt because of switching branches. He averages a new job every three months. I'm working to get him into the military full time. It's the only thing he's done since high school that he succeeded at. I don't believe he'd be eligible fo spousal support anyway. His situation is NOT what it was created for. I can make ends meet for just DS and myself, but not much more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysByMySide View Post
Out of curiosity, will you be paying any spousal support?
No, he wants more of the 401K and he wants to keep all his trading profits. I agreed to that if he agreed not to take spousal support. This is way better for him financially than if I were to pay him spousal support for 2 years.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by NolaRiordan View Post
you could do is give him spousal support in the amount that he is paying in child support. That way he doesn't end up paying anything.
I like this option!
 

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I know that around here you can't waive child support. The money is to support the child, and in fact if the custodial parent doesn't go after support, there is an argument to be made that that parent is failing to act in th best interest of the child. I think I'd let it go before a judge, then follow what they suggest.

It's one thing to decline spousal support, but to waive child support is a whole different ballgame.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MtBikeLover View Post
I like this option!
The problem then becomes the tax issues. Alimony is tax deductible for the payer; taxable for the receiver. Child support has no tax relevance. So whether or not any money exchanges hands, the taxes DO make it unequal.

I'm guessing that you will be claiming the kids on your taxes, which also adds to the difference? If he doesn't care about any of this, that's one thing. If he doesn't understand the tax issues or isn't aware of them, he may change his tune if/when he becomes aware of them. (I wouldn't volunteer the information, but just making sure you know that the issue may come up.)

The other issue is, if something happens down the road a few years, what if you need the child support?
 

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I am not familiar with your situation and I say this with no judgement but have two thoughts:

1) If he does not have a job and will still have some share of parenting time with the children isn't in possible he will need child support from you to give them care in the standard in which they are familiar?

2) In my state child support is based on a "state caculator" and it is not out of the norm for the primary residental parent to still pay the non-residental parent child support if they make a higher salary. Also in my state the non-residential parent is also responsible for 50% of the childcare which is in addition to child support.... My advice is to see what the caculated formula would be with you and your ex so that you have a clear picture of what your "children" would be giving up... and check your state laws to see about your ex's responsibility toward childcare as well.

Just know what you are doing with all the fact before making decisions.
 

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I"m sure it depends on your state law. My impression was that it was going to be nearly impossible for my X to pay less than the state-mandated minimum even if I'd been ready to agree to it.

If he doesn't have a job, he may not owe anything. Have you spoken to a lawyer about the situation?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
The state is Illinois. I have talked to many lawyers and they all have said the same thing - I can't waive it. But I talked to my lawyer again tonight and he said we could work out something creative or set it ridiculously low.

In Illinois, it is pretty cut and dried - the NCP pays the CP, regardless of who makes what.
ETA: And both parents are supposed to share in all extra costs (activities, medical, nanny, daycare, school, etc). I am not askign for STBX to share in any of this.
 
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