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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I've been seeing a great, super-natural-friendly MW/OB practice near my home. I LOVE them, have seen MWs exclusively and they've been fabulous. And the first 16 wks have been totally easy and seemed really natural to me.<br><br>
The problem is that the more I ask around, the more I hear that the hospital where I'd be delivering with them is pretty intervention-friendly.<br><br>
The biggest reason I'm doing a hospital birth instead of a hb is that this whole process is totally new to my husband, and I think he just feels safer with "experts" around if something should go wrong. His sister had some sort of placental abruption which required an emergency CS, and I think he's terrified that will happen to us and we won't be able to get to a medical facility in time. I had thought that this supportive MW practice was a good compromise, but with what I'm hearing about the hospital, I'm worried.<br><br>
I found a free-standing birth center 5 minutes from my home staffed with 5 MWs. It would mean changing practices, which doesn't really bother me at all, but I'm worried dh will still have the same concerns about more serious medical intervention being too far away. Anyway, I emailed them today about the possibility of making an appointment to come in and talk about some of dh's fears.<br><br>
Do you all have any advice on how to broach the topic with him about at least going in for an interview? I don't want to make him feel like I'm not hearing his fears - and I really want this experience to be positive for both of us - and I know it won't be positive for him if he's constantly worried about something happening to me. But I also want to be able to relax somewhere where I'm not constantly fighting to keep off the interventions. I'm sure you all understand. Any advice?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>frisbar</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14752190"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So I've been seeing a great, super-natural-friendly MW/OB practice near my home. I LOVE them, have seen MWs exclusively and they've been fabulous. And the first 16 wks have been totally easy and seemed really natural to me.<br><br>
The problem is that the more I ask around, the more I hear that the hospital where I'd be delivering with them is pretty intervention-friendly.<br><br>
The biggest reason I'm doing a hospital birth instead of a hb is that this whole process is totally new to my husband, and I think he just feels safer with "experts" around if something should go wrong. His sister had some sort of placental abruption which required an emergency CS, and I think he's terrified that will happen to us and we won't be able to get to a medical facility in time. I had thought that this supportive MW practice was a good compromise, but with what I'm hearing about the hospital, I'm worried.<br><br>
I found a free-standing birth center 5 minutes from my home staffed with 5 MWs. It would mean changing practices, which doesn't really bother me at all, but I'm worried dh will still have the same concerns about more serious medical intervention being too far away. Anyway, I emailed them today about the possibility of making an appointment to come in and talk about some of dh's fears.<br><br>
Do you all have any advice on how to broach the topic with him about at least going in for an interview? I don't want to make him feel like I'm not hearing his fears - and I really want this experience to be positive for both of us - and I know it won't be positive for him if he's constantly worried about something happening to me. But I also want to be able to relax somewhere where I'm not constantly fighting to keep off the interventions. I'm sure you all understand. Any advice?</div>
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My DH was the same way too... he's a planner and in general an incredibly anxious guy (has OCD and generalized anxiety disorder.) I had him start out by reading Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth with me... and then he watched The Business of Being Born with me, so he knew a little better about where I was coming from. From there- I asked him to tour the center with me- I stressed that it was a no strings attached visit- nothing had to be decided right then and there and wouldn't be without discussion.... and made sure the midwife made herself available with lots of extra time for questions. We agreed that nothing was final and the interview was a trial run for his educational purposes entirely.... and we would discuss the details after his interview with the MW. DH made up a pretty impressively long and detailed list of questions regarding how they handle pretty much every emergency situation imaginable, and sat and asked her how they handle things. The midwife we saw was stellar in handling the Q&A session and just as promised, we discussed his opinion post interview... and he was much more confident in choosing a birth center after the interview.<br><br>
It took some convincing to get DH to go, but I reminded DH that although problems happen- they are rare (something that watching Business of Being Born hit home for him.) I asked him to try and keep an open mind and hear the midwife out... and then we could really discuss things if he wasn't comfortable after interviewing the midwife.
 

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Have you asked your current MW/OB practice what their intervention percentages are and how they deal with the hospital environment? I know of a MW practice that were like guard dogs with their laboring moms - protecting them from the regular hospital staff and making sure that the parents' wishes were respected. Maybe your practice is all over this problem and you might not even need to switch.<br><br>
Otherwise - what Jen said!
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>theoldmommers</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14752965"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Have you asked your current MW/OB practice what their intervention percentages are and how they deal with the hospital environment? I know of a MW practice that were like guard dogs with their laboring moms - protecting them from the regular hospital staff and making sure that the parents' wishes were respected. Maybe your practice is all over this problem and you might not even need to switch.<br><br>
Otherwise - what Jen said!</div>
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This was my experience. I delivered #3 at a hospital w/ a CNM and she was uber-protective of me and my wishes during birthing. Hopefully yours is the same way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you all so much for this wonderful advice. Just to add to the mix of info...the hospital where I was planning to go has a CRAZY flu policy which I just found out about last night - one person can be in the room with you, and it has to be your spouse/SO unless you don't have one. No doulas, can't have my mother there...argh. That's not sounding ideal. I'm not due until May 21 ... maybe they'll change the policy after flu season ends???<br><br>
I took your advice and called the bc to get a tour/info session for next tues. Unfortunately, they're already full for May, but went ahead and put me on the wait list in case I decide to birth with them.<br><br>
I'm feeling a little stuck now. I'm sure it'll be fine at the hospital, but I wish I had thought this through earlier when I might have had more options. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">
 

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I just wanted to add-loads of personal experience here...definitely meet with them and have your dh ask them specifically the "what if's" that are floating in his head. I was rather embarrassed when we interviewed our mw and dh out of no where asked "what if you drop the baby?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> He what if'd a few more realistic questions-if it's stuck, if anything goes wrong...etc. I was blushing and didn't realize he had to questions lurking. Our mw was awesome in answering him with total honesty and realism.<br><br>
She then showed him all her training and equipment that she brings to each birth. It was like an ambulance stock pile, and they (dh and mw) started discussing how she fits it all into her car. He was totally reassured that she was a professional, and had equipment and training for emergency situations. She also reconfirmed that her practice was only for healthy normal pregnancies that if any warning signs of anything arose-I'd be transferred to ob care.<br><br>
(Here's a story for your dh...)<br><br>
The interesting part is, our baby was born at home with an extremely tight nuchal cord-apgars 2 and 3, a swollen blueberry head-it was awful, and came out of nowhere-we had to transfer and spent almost a month in ICU. Our midwife had re-certified her infant rescue course the weekend before our birth. <span style="text-decoration:underline;">She not only saved our baby's life and kept him alive with her equipment and training...but had back up plans and we were in the hospital within 15 minutes of his birth!!!</span> I remember specifically asking hospital staff if the time it took to get there would cost his life and one of them actually told me that it would have taken just as long for them to help in if he were "in hospital" because there was NO warning signs as to what was going on with him. They still would have had to scramble to get the equipment and staff together (which they began to prepare as soon as the mw called and gave them a clear picture of what was coming their way via ambulance)...AND they were really happy that I'd done a drug free birth-his system was "clear" so to speak and when they started administering meds to him they knew exactly where he "was at"...<br><br>
Sorry if that story was to scary for you, but it's so valuable in that it is a "worse case scenario" story and example of how those situations are handled with expertise and well trained professional mw help! (DS is well and normal and healthy at 18mo now)<br><br>
When we discovered we were expecting again-I kinda looked at DH wondering if he changed his mind on our providers. He told me to get our foot in the door with the mw again before they fill up! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
I SO hope the birth center gets a spot open for you! I would for sure get on their list and give it your best shot. I have a feeling your DH will totally be cool with it after he talks to them and gets to speak out his worst fears and hear their answers. I'm sure he's not the first dad to give them the daddy run down of questions! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> All the other perks of a birth center may just sell him too-the visitors, getting to go home sooner, relaxed atmosphere etc.<br><br>
Keep us posted mama! Good Luck!
 
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