War Takes Toll on Military Marriages

:LOL Well, I don't know. On one hand, yes, some marriages (people) are prone to infidelity. But you have to admit that having your spouse gone for a year or two isn't exactly conducive to spotless fidelity, either. Especially when it happens, he comes home for a month or two, and then takes off again.

Not to mention, plenty of the servicemembers are cheating while overseas, too. Human nature... a tough nut to crack.

In addition, even faithful marriages go through a rough spell when the deployed spouse comes home, "Welcome back to the real world" can be a complicated transition.

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But would they be cheating if their spouses were around? Maybe not, the distance, worry and stress can drive some to things they would otherwise never be capable of doing. And I can almost promise you that the cheating is going both ways. "what happends on det, stays on det"..........except of course the diseases picked up.

I've been on det with these guys and I know what goes on.......and it's not just the guys either. (thought there are a rare few who don't fool around at all)

The difference is that when the spouse at home cheats it's more likely to get around the community and the rumors can force a confrontation. The code of silence most AD military follow about "extra-cirricular" activites while deployed lets folks live in denial or ignorance if they choose to.

Some folks only cheat when seperated and play the perfect spouse at home, some mutually play the game.........can't say I think it's right or that the karma doesn't catch up at some point but some seem to make it work.

Infidelity is actually chargable under the UMCJ but rarely gets enforced except as a tack on to some other offense.........it does happen though. A service member can lose rank, pay and other stuff for cheating and it does happen, mostly when it becomes a discipline issue but they seem to tread a fine line with that (or maybe hazy, pretend line) because in the interest of 'morale' usually a blind eye is turned.............

sigh and yuck..............this topic brings up some bad memories.

The military does have some great programs for families but ultimately they care about winning wars not protecting families or marriages

Any idea what the overall rate is in the US? (And for that matter, what proportion of the Army is made up of Officers vs Enlisted?)

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That DOES seem like a huge jump for the officers, though.

Sister is pg in Oregon while BIL is in Iraq right now

BIL deploys in November, leaving SIL in TX.

I hear ya, Violafemme. I was on active duty for 5 years-- it was truly astonishing how much cheating was going on... and I never did tell the wives, because of the whole "one of the guys, what goes on TDY stays on TDY mentality. " It was more important to me back then to protect the soldier's reputation than to tell his wife the truth. Ugh.

Some of those marriages looked freakin perfect from the outside, too. Maybe they were perfect, in their own way. I don't know.

If you join the military you should be prepared to be seperated many times over the course of the military career. There are a lot of programs set up on base for the wives (spouses) left behind. My DH was only over seas for 5 weeks (not Iraq) and I was give a page long list of things available for me including a pillow with a picture of my DH on it, a free oil change, free inhome daycare if I volunteered on base, free out of home day care (I think 5 hours a week?), and more that I can't remember. Also, when there is deployment to somewhere like Iraq there is a very strong since of unity in the spouses left behind. I got about 5 call from different authorites making sure my son and I were being taken care of.

However, I do think that war has an impact on marriages and there is probably going to be a rise during this time. Some rocky relationships just won't survive such a trying and stressful time. Not to mention the rate of cheating while the service member is overseas, because the spouse will never find out. Add onto that the fact that a marriage is rocky, and it just spells divorce. Out of 5 of my DHs closest friends ALL 5 have cheated on their wives at least once, if not multiple times. And most of these incidents were during 2 - 3 week TDYs inside the US.

So I have to agree with a pp who mentioned that if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. Being in war time just sped up the process and gave them ample opportunity to do so.

Now, that ALL being said. I trust my DH 100%, he wouldn't cheat on me, I honestly don't think he has the balls to face me if he did something like that. Plus, he would be way too afraid of losing me and his children. My family is literally across the country and he would have a hard time visiting them. Plus, my DH didn't have sex with random woman before he was married compared to his friends who did. If he didn't do it before he was married I hardly expect it now.