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<p>Has anyone else gotten this question from multiple people? When did this become an appropriate thing to ask?</p>
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<p>I got this question from at least five or six different people during my first pregnancy, and I've already gotten it two or three times this time around! Once from a friend, and another time from my boss when I told him. (I'm an early-thirties professional mom, for what it's worth, even though I don't think it's an appropriate thing to ask of anyone!)</p>
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<p>I always feel like upping the discomfort-ante by answering (either):</p>
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<p>-- "Yes. We had sex forty times in two weeks that month!"</p>
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<p>or</p>
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<p>-- "No. Total accident! I'm in shock! Help me decide what to do!"</p>
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<p>I usually just say something demure, like "Oh, well, we were open to the possibility, and now we're very excited about it" and leave it at that. But... what makes people feel they can ask that? I feel like it's so personal, and I don't understand what they stand to gain by knowing. Isn't the only appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement "Congratulations!"? Or am I too old-fashioned?</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jgdy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282507/was-it-planned-little-vent#post_16081635"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p> </p>
<p>-- "Yes. We had sex forty times in two weeks that month!"</p>
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<p>LOL!  Perfect answer!  I don't know what possesses people to ask this!  I've been asked several times too.  More this time than before.  I think it's because this is my fourth and it's more more rare for people to have big families these days. </p>
 

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<p>This question is soooo nosy! My first two were planned and I always said, "Yes." but felt super awkward. I told a realative at Thanksgiving, "No! It happened 5 days before ovulation while I had just started on the pill with pull out!" and the whole table went silent, but ask an annoying TMI question get an annoying TMI answer.   My answer btw was entirely truthful. My cervix is just a freaking sponge,</p>
 

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<p>Some people ask me.. others just 'assume' it wasn't planned.. because it's our 4th and we had said last year we were done (due to my health problems).  Honestly it was quite planned (well as much as it can be when you don't ovulate regularly, we were 'trying' though lol) .. but it's like you say really none of their business.</p>
 

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<p>Why are people so dumb??  What kind of a question is this!!!!</p>
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<p>I can't believe people ask this kind of thing.  It makes me want to swear.</p>
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<p>I've not had this question but probably cause people knew it was in the cards for me cause I don't keep my mouth shut very well.</p>
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<p>I always want to have snarky responses in my back pocket for situations such as this... and the pending YOU'RE HUGE comments.  ;(</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Evergreen</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282507/was-it-planned-little-vent#post_16081729"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>This question is soooo nosy! My first two were planned and I always said, "Yes." but felt super awkward. I told a realative at Thanksgiving, "No! It happened 5 days before ovulation while I had just started on the pill with pull out!" and the whole table went silent, but ask an annoying TMI question get an annoying TMI answer.   My answer btw was entirely truthful. My cervix is just a freaking sponge,</p>
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<br><br><p><span><img alt="blueman.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/blueman.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>UGH Yes I am sick and tired of people asking that which is why I haven't bothered to tell most people, including my out of state family.</p>
 

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<p>This is my first pregnancy & I was SO SURPRISED to get this question!  I've heard it at least 6 times now & the first person to ask was my bank teller.  I answered a simple "yes" because I was caught off guard but walking away I remembering thinking "how could anyone think <em>that's</em> any of their business".  Maybe we're just old fashioned but I'd never dream of asking someone if they got pregnant by accident or on purpose! <img alt="yikes.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif"></p>
 

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<p>DDCC--I have only gotten this question once and I attributed it to the demographic group of the asker, since I brought it up in a student group at my church that I'm part of. While I'm in my last year of professional study and have been married for 3 years and am a few years older than nearly everybody else, most of the other members are single, age 18-24 or so, and have several years left to go in school. So I read it more as a "what happened?" sort of question since it might not be a positive event in the lives of a lot of their peers.</p>
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<p>Then again, practically everybody I know knows how much I wanted a baby for a long time now, so that has probably kept in in check.</p>
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<p>In general, I agree it's a rude question, particularly from near-strangers.</p>
 

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<p>I'm sorry, that is just plain rude of people to ask that question of you.  The first thing they should say is Congratulations!  If you then want to share any further than that is up to you.  The only people I've told so far are immediate family.  They knew we had been trying for some time but that didn't stop my older sister from being unusually mean to me.  I am a remote employee and have yet to share with my manager or any other co-workers.  I think the assumption in the business world is that you are done after 2 kiddos.  I will probably just tell my manager and the dept head after I hit 20 weeks or so and then share later on with the rest of my co-workers.  There are a few highly opinionated women in my work and I'm sure they will gossip but probably not say anything to me directly.</p>
 

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<p>Have had this question from *everyone* - friends and family alike. The only two people who didn't ask are my boss and coworker who knew we were trying. I find it pretty incredible - though we do have a 6 and 8 year old, so I can understand the curiosity.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #12
<p>So glad I'm not the only one (getting the question and feeling disconcerted about it)!</p>
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<p>Last time around I got it from mostly younger people (20s and 30s) but perhaps it has become more pervasive since then. I really don't understand why people feel they can/should ask this.</p>
 

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<p>LOL at Evergreen!  Oh to have been a fly on the wall at that awkward moment :p  Way to go!</p>
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<p>We haven't gotten this question cause we've made it pretty clear that we planned on 3...instead we constantly get "Going for the girl, huh?".  No, not really.</p>
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<p>If we were to end up pregnant with #4 I would be surprised if we got the planned question, though.  So nosy and invasive!  And what difference does it make - planned or unplanned, when you announce a pregnancy with a happy tone and a smile on your face, the details of how it happened become pretty irrelevant.</p>
 

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luckily i've never had this question but as i'm not very tactful i'd probably just say "WTF has it got to do with you " yes not the best answer but it would probably make them think twice about asking again
 

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<p>I haven't gotten that question. But my family isn't surprised by me having a third because I have 2 boys and they just assume I'm giving it one last go for a girl. Now if I do end up getting pregnant a 4th time, I'm sure questions will come flying my way. </p>
 

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<p>Me too! I can't believe people think its appropriate to ask at all!</p>
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<p>I assumed I was getting the question specifically because our first child was not planned (which everyone knows). But according to this thread it seems incredibly common.</p>
 

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<p>ugh. i am so frustrated with this friggin question! </p>
<p>someone i never talk to pops up on facebook chat the other day and says "congratulations! do you know what you're having?" so i say something like "thanks, no it's too early" and she writes "oh.. so...was this planned?" like she knew it was rude to ask so she hesitated?! </p>
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<p>i was like uh...yep, very much planned. but even if it wouldn't have been planned by us it would have still been planned by god" which totally shut her up and she logged off. lol</p>
<p>but seriously this is such a rude question. i never want to hear it again. i might punch the next person's lights out!</p>
 

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<p>I was talking about this with my husband and he seemed surprised that it was "rude".  I said to him, the only things anyone should be saying to a pregnant lady are:</p>
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<p>1) YOU LOOK GREAT!</p>
<p>2) HOW ARE YOU FEELING?</p>
<p>3) HOW CAN I ASSIST YOU?</p>
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<p>That's my personal philosophy.</p>
 

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<p>I dunno - I am *so* tired of the "how are you feeling" question.  People who have never asked me this in my LIFE ask me now multiple times a day.  My husband is getting tired of it too.  Every time family friends call him, it's the first question he gets.  It gets a bit old.  Maybe it's just me, though... I can be a little crazy sometimes.  ;)</p>
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<p>I haven't gotten "was it planned" yet, but I have a feeling that a few people at work will ask.  I did get "well, *that* was fast" from my grandmother when I told her.  My husband and I got married last October, and apparently she disapproved a bit.  But my husband has always been very vocal about wanting kids, so our friends and family by and large weren't at all surprised.</p>
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<p>My favorite questions are those from people who are genuinely curious about something.  I don't mind even the silliest questions as long as the person asking is actually interested in the answer.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>kamalynsky</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282507/was-it-planned-little-vent#post_16084574"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I dunno - I am *so* tired of the "how are you feeling" question.  People who have never asked me this in my LIFE ask me now multiple times a day.  My husband is getting tired of it too.  Every time family friends call him, it's the first question he gets.  It gets a bit old.  Maybe it's just me, though... I can be a little crazy sometimes.  ;)</p>
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<br><br><p>I am getting sick of it too. I know people are just trying to be nice but I am still feeling terrible and I feel badly about saying it. I want to just say, "Great!" and have it be the absolute truth but alas I feel like crap.</p>
 
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