[Bellabaz]

Does anyone else get a bit offended by this comment? Or I guess I should ask if anyone gets this comment.

We are preggo with #2. #1 was a surprise I admit. However two years later is it really anyone's business if it was planned or not? Does it make a freaking difference? Is my fertility planning something you think I should discuss with you when I see you every 6 months? Will I have to hear this with every kid we decide to have?

I don't get really mad b/.c I know they don't mean anything by it when they ask. But unless it was my best friend or sister or I knew something to the contrary I would never ask someone this question.

 

[Lily's_Mom]

I got this comment so much when I was pregnant with dd. It was pretty tacky. I don't know, being 23 years old and married for a year and a half, what's wrong with getting pregnant at that point in you life? Also, it took us 10 months to conceive our daughter, so I found the planned/unplanned question pretty awkward.

 

[Mommy2Liz]

That doesn't really bother me so much, although I wish people weren't so stupid and would stop asking such personal and unimportant questions.

I'll tell you what IS bugging me though is those who say "That's so great that it wasn't hard for you this time!!" We tried 4 years for our first. That seems to really irritate me for some reason. It's like people are pointing out to you again that something *should be* wrong with you but you lucked out! Obviously trying for 5 months after 4 years is nothing, but it was still hard and emotionally draining to wonder every time if it was going to work. I'm rambling....sorry.

 

[stealthmode]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily's_Mom I got this comment so much when I was pregnant with dd. It was pretty tacky. I don't know, being 23 years old and married for a year and a half, what's wrong with getting pregnant at that point in you life? Also, it took us 10 months to conceive our daughter, so I found the planned/unplanned question pretty awkward.

Yeah, I'm the same age as you are and have been married since last May...we started TTC last month and when it finally happens for us I'm anticipating this question. In fact, I have a mental list going of who I think will ask it, lol.

When people ask me tacky questions like that, I tend to get all flustered and respond politely, one way or the other. I wish I had a good response ready--something that says "it's none of your business" without being mean. Anyone have some good ideas? Something humorous?

 

[LibertyBelle]

I've only been asked this once so far, and it was from my friend who ALWAYS sticks her foot in her mouth. I knew she meant no harm. I think it depends on the intentions of the person. I DO plan to inform future offenders that some people might find that question offensive, just as a heads up.

 

[sunshynbaby]

People asked if we were trying. I answer that we were "living dangerously," but not activily trying, which is true. I'd rather not answer that at all. It is a rude question.

 

[TexasG]

I hate this question. What difference does it make? I had one idiot at my son's school actually ask me "if we had to work for it" her exact words! Her husband was visibly embarrassed and I just stood there trying to act normal!

 

[november]

It's irritating, definitely. But DH and I had a '10 year rule' and we weren't having kids until we were 30 since we got married so young and we always talked about it. SO, I understand *why* they feel compelled to ask. I just tell them the truth: um, no, definitely no planned. LOL.

 

[texmati]

People asked us (the same ones who ask us how much our mortgage is..ect).

I think the best response is "why do you ask?" It's a non-answer, and makes the other person seem like kind of an idiot.

 

[cristeen]

"Why would you ask such a personal question?"

Of course with us, it hasn't really come up - everyone assumed we were trying. Funnily enough we were taking a break from the stress of trying that month.

 

[amyandelle]

I think it is a rude question even if the person asking it does not mean for it to be

:

For us dd#1 was planned, dd#2 was planned for later in the year

and the same with dd#3

. They just happened to be concieved a few months early which was just a wonderful surprise and blessing for us both times

Amy

 

[LeahLo]

Most people that I've told have just assumed that it wasn't planned, because I'm only 22 and not married. It doesn't bother me because it WAS a "surprise".

The one thing that has been annoying me lately is this one particular girl that I work with. She saw a pregnancy book on my desk and started asking the usual questions...she's about 5 or 6 years older than me, single and VERY immature...as in she goes out and parties all the time, really doesn't have a life outside of doing whatever she wants. She has talked to me several times about me being pregnant and every time she makes some snide comment like "So glad it's not me." and "Well if YOU'RE excited, I guess that's all that really matters." and blah blah blah...it just seems like she's trying to make it clear to me that she wouldn't be happy if she were me and she's basically "disapproving" of my pregnancy.

 

[Sarahstw]

I get asked this question ALL THE TIME. If I'm not in the mood I just evade the question. I had someone ask me who I responded "Yes" to who then went on to say that I was the last person she thought would have a planned pregnancy... I guess I just don't give off the planned pregnancy vibe? Is that why everybody asks?
I should probably come up with a snappy answer like "about as planned as my last bowel movement" or "well, it SEEMED like a good idea at the time"

 

[soccermama]

You think that's bad, when I was pg with DS and I was telling my boss at the time about our big news, she didn't say "congratulations" or "wow, that's wonderful". She asked me straight up "is this what you wanted?" Ummmmm...yeah, it's what we wanted. It's why we went off bc and we're married now, so what's your malfunction? Ugghhhhh...people's responses and reactions to women being pg are beyond puzzling to me sometimes. It's as though some people just don't think before they speak!!

:

 

[Full Heart]

I get asked all the time (cause you know no one would PLAN to have 8 kids - thats just insane

). Followed by some rude response like "Why". Seriously do you need to ask why someone would want to have a kid? I think they are just inviting me to say something snotty back.

:

Dh and I were out once, baby in a carrier and some lady remarked, "oh you can tell she was planned, shes so loved." Seriously. Dh and I were lost for words. Yes, she was planned but parents can't love their children just as much as when they aren't? I wanted to lie and tell her she wasn't planned just to make her stick her foot in her mouth.

 

[Full Heart]

Quote:

Originally Posted by soccermama You think that's bad, when I was pg with DS and I was telling my boss at the time about our big news, she didn't say "congratulations" or "wow, that's wonderful". She asked me straight up "is this what you wanted?" Ummmmm...yeah, it's what we wanted. It's why we went off bc and we're married now, so what's your malfunction? Ugghhhhh...people's responses and reactions to women being pg are beyond puzzling to me sometimes. It's as though some people just don't think before they speak!! :

Ha, My mil asked me the SAME thing when I was pg with #2. What is wrong with people?

 

[learnlovebe]

I was kind of (but then not really) surprised when my mother-in-law asked my dh this when he told her the news. Then later, when I was talking to her, she made a point to tell me how surprised my FIL was when she told him the news.

Was it planned? REALLY?!?! I known for being a habitual planner. I am organized. I love Excel spreadsheets. I make lists and check them twice. The first year I hosted Thanksgiving I had three pages of lists to keep me organized, finished off w/ a day-of hour-by-hour listed in 15 minute increments (so I wouldn't forget to feed my DS or put the potatoes on to boil). So that's the first thing that pops in your head when we tell you the news?

Do they realize that when they're asking you "was it planned" they're basically asking you about your sex life?

 

[kriket]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily's_Mom I got this comment so much when I was pregnant with dd. It was pretty tacky. I don't know, being 23 years old and married for a year and a half, what's wrong with getting pregnant at that point in you life? Also, it took us 10 months to conceive our daughter, so I found the planned/unplanned question pretty awkward.

yep.

I find the other side that even more awkward, where people assume they weren't planned, like "Oh what are you going to do"

: well, I was going to take the dogs for a walk then have lunch. (?!?!)

 

[mouthcave]

Well, with my first everyone knew it was unplanned. It was one of those sit down with your parents and break the awful news type of things, heh. Or in my case, puke all over the house one morning so your mom guesses you're pregnant type of thing, but anyway!! No one asked that time. I wasn't really shy about the fact that it was unplanned either. I didn't see the point in trying to pretend. People wanted me to be ashamed, but I wasn't.
This time I think the only person that has asked to my face or my husband's face is my MIL. It was definitely rude because she meant it in a "I'm not happy you're pregnant right now therefore this must be some kind of accident" kind of way. If someone asked me and I thought/knew they meant it in a more friendly way, like maybe they had BTDT, I wouldn't be bothered. I don't really know why someone would ask otherwise.

 

[darcytrue]

Yes! in fact I just mentioned something about this very type of comment in another thread here on MDC.

I have had a few people in my family ask if it was planned. So rude. I guess everyone figured we were done since our youngest is almost 7. We thought we were done but we are thrilled at the same time!

I feel a bit bad at times because our first was definitely not planned as we were not married yet back then. Then our second child was also unplanned even though we were married, but we had just gotten married and were barely through our honeymoon period when we got pregnnat the second time. I *wish* this third child would have been planned but it wasn't. That's just how it goes. We are still very happy to be parents regardless of whether we charted and planned the pregnancies or whether we slipped up. They're still all very loved.

: And we all know that sometimes the best things in life are not planned.