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This is my 3rd pg. For my 1st dd I had two baby showers. For my second pg, 4 years later, I did not have one, and did not expect to. A number of my cousins have had showers for their 1st, 2nd and 3rd babies because they are poor/unwed/chaotic lives and have no baby stuff left, and/or need the basic (sposies etc). While I was pg last time with ds (pg #2) I went to one such shower for my cousin's third, and shortly after my ds was born, went to a shower for another cousin's 2nd. I always show up with generous gift in hand for all the baby showers. After going to that last one, I mentioned to my mom that I felt kind of bad I hadn't had anything for my ds - seems like the pg and baby wasn't celebrated.<br><br>
Well, I unexpectly got pg again one year to the day after my ds was born. I have gotten rid of all of my maternity clothes (much to cousins) and all of my girl baby clothes and nb boy baby clothes (gave away 17 bags worth, mostly to cousins). My mom and sister want to give me a shower, remembering what I said last time when I didn't have one. But I feel embarrassed to have one when it isn't a first baby. They keep bringing it up and need to know soon if I want one or not.<br><br>
I'd love to have a Mother Blessing, and have told them as much and they have tried to adapt to that, but still talk about buying prizes for baby shower games. Besides, know one I know IRL would come to a Mother Blessing and NOT think it/I was strange - besides, I would think to that you'd only want to invite close friends and family, not all aunts and cousins and stuff.<br><br>
Another thing is while $$$ is tighter now because I went from working 5 days per week to 3 to spend more time with the kids, we are still better off financially than ANY of our extended family members - and we both have LARGE families. I feel guilty to be "asking for a gift". Everyone was VERY generous to me for my first pg, since I've always been generous to everyone else. I don't want them to feel they have to be again.<br><br>
Another thing, I wouldn't get the stuff I could really use, like more cloth diapers and cloth diaper stuff. I could use 0 - 12 month clothes for boy (have my ds 18 months still), 0-3T for a girl (will save my dd 4T on up 'til I know the gender on Bday), but really feel it is a waste of money to have that stuff new - used is fine for us. It woudn't make me happy for everyone to spent a lot of money on stuff I feel is wasteful, yet I sure wouldn't feel comfy generating a list of my dipe needs - that stuff is spendy. I mean getting one or two cloth dipes as a gift would make me happy, to to most people they would probably feel that isn't a good gift - just two dipes, KWIM?<br><br>
Plus, my mom really can't afford to throw me a shower - those add up in a hurry. I gave a friend a bridal shower last year and spent about $150 including a gift - and I felt like it was a simple one!!!<br><br>
I know this all sounds stupid, I just really can't decide what to do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
~Tracy
 

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I think if your mom and sister really want to give you one I would go along with it. I'm sure it would give them a lot of joy to do this for you. Baby clothes are what most people want to give anyway and they really aren't (or don't have to be) that expensive. If your mom's going to be the one giving the invitations you could ask her to make it clear that you already have a bunch of stuff and all you really need is clothes (you could decide whether or not you feel comfortable asking for dipes as well). You could also say that what you'd really love is getting frozen main dishes to make life easier in the post-partum period. Noone's going to go out and buy you a stroller or carseat or whatever if they think you already have what you need, kwim? So if you only ask for less expensive stuff then everyone would be able to bring something within their budget, and I'm sure they'd love the opportunity to get together to celebrate your new baby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I agree with Pianojazzgirl. If they want to do this for you, let them! And there's nothing wrong with saying you'd like to 'keep it simple' and just asking for simple, inexpensive things. Make sure they know that the main thing is seeing the people you love and celebrating your new little one...<br><br>
None of my friends or family are rich either and for ours, we are just reserving a shelter in the park and having a potluck! Not much expense and we still get to see everyone and party! Even though it is my first kid, I've been adamant about 'keeping it simple' from the beginning and everyone is totally cool with that.
 

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It's pretty routine where I'm from to have baby showers for each kid, but I'd have to say, I'd probably turn it down if I was offered one. It's just too much work, even when you're the one who's supposed to sit back and enjoy the party, a lot of it still falls on you (at least it did in my case). I already have everything we need and I know another baby shower will just present more unnecessary stuff like sposies and onesies (you actually can have too many of these! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ). I hate having to exchange stuff and then try to sound grateful in my thank you notes while I'm lying through my teeth about how useful the gift was. I'm always grateful for the thought, but I'm awful at trying to convince people their gift was great, when I had no use for it. Too much of a headache for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I've approached this topic with my "single" friends, and they are all against it.. Odd! But those who've had children think it's great..<br><br>
I think no matter how many children you have, each one needs to be honored in their own way..<br><br>
I believe my dad's fiance, is throwing us a "celebration of life" party.. Where instead of baby gifts and junk like that.. Hopefully guests will bring a homemade meal, that we can freeze and enjoy once this little man is here.<br><br>
Or if they aren't into cooking, well then they can bring diapers...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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The few things I want or need are too spendy to ask for. I declined the shower but wish there was going to be a party. I do like getting to gether with my momma friends.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I've told my mom I don't want one.<br><br>
~Tracy
 

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I like what the other mama's have written in response. I think you know based on your reply what you would like (a celebration of this pregnancy and birth) and what you wouldn't (a full-on big ole' first birth kind of a shower). You surely can't control showers (and would you want to?!), but I think mentioning a few much-desired gifties to the hosts and letting them know you want a blessing-inspired shower are great ideas...unless you feel like showers become a lot of work for you and the goodwill will stress you out. Good luck!
 
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