[MummaMel]

I posted this over in TAY and it was closed. Does anyone here have any thoughts about this?...

My children's births were wonderful, unforgettable experiences. I treasure those memories and am especially grateful that I was able to have experienced normal, natural childbirth both in a hospital and at home.

When someone asks me to describe my births, the first thought that comes to mind is just "normal". Not earth-shattering, magical, mystical, empowering or anything like that. To me, the best part about having my daughter at home was that I was able to "live life" as usual during labor.

During labor with my second daughter, I watched a movie and ate breakfast with my husband and then worked on pushing her out. There were no scented candles or special songs playing. When my husband asked if I wanted him to play the music I had chosen in advance, I said no. I just wanted Regis and Kelly playing in the background as a distraction from the work between contractions.

I know to each his/her own, and I don't mean to downplay the experiences of anyone reading this. I just want to see if there are any other folks out there who might agree that while childbirth is a fantastic thing and is even life-changing, it's not a supernatural experience.

Uggh, I wish I could express this better. But there it is!

 

[storychick]

I dont know about magical. It wasnt the orgasmic, spiritually defining experience so many of the mamas had in Ina May's book, that;s for sure.

It was more empowering than anything I've ever done, both births, but especially my homebirth. It was incredible... but afterwards, we cleaned up, had cheesecake with our midwives, and thought "now what?" It seemed very wrong somehow to turn on the tv lol but there we were sitting on our couch with our new baby, who was asleep, and wondering what to do with the rest of the day. Very much normal life, except that we didn't have DS home and werent quite sure what to do without him!

 

[an_aurora]

Mine wasn't magical. It was great, because I got a baby in the end, though! Seriously though, I was very disappointed with the birth. I didn't like the way I handled it, or the people there, or the fact we had to do it in the hospital, etc. This time 'round we're having a homebirth and I hope it's more magical!

 

[midwifetx]

I had one magical birth out of the four, but I'm 4:4 on learning experiences and joy truely coming in the morning.

 

[Thalia the Muse]

I don't know if the birth itself was magical -- it was fine, but it did hurt and I got a nice set of hemorrhoids, etc. Nothing involving hemorrhoids and lochia really fits my definition of magic ...

But having a baby certainly WAS magical. Seeing her emerge from my body was the most amazing thing, and then holding this brand-new little person who had been kicking away in there all those months ... not much in life can compare to that experience!

 

[shellbell]

I remember describing to a friend of mine who got pregnant after I had two that childbirth was awsome and terrible, amazing and wierd, beautiful and gross, simple and complex... etc.

I remember with both of mine wanting there to be the magic that I knew must exist, but not being able to find it. I couldn't even believe that I didn't feel imense amounts of love for my babies. I wanted to take care of them... I was amazed by them... but I didn't know what I felt about them. I remember thinking after a while how thankful I was that I breastfed both for 15 mos. I had to actually fall into love with my babies. It just didn't come all at once.

So, magic... I knew it was out there, but couldn't feel it. I remember wondering if there was something missing inside of me.

 

[Megs_BK]

I was surprised at my ultimate lack of magical feelings in birth. I went sooooo far into "laborland" to manage the pain that I was not euphoric/crying when Nevie was placed into my arms. I was a bit outside the experience right then. I'm normally a very effusive, emotional person, so it really surprised me (and kind of freaked my MW out!). I was happy, relieved - but on a much lower level than I expected. It took about 24 hours (and being completely alone with Nevie to feed, snuggle, and stare at her) for me to finally get that "high" I'd been waiting for and cry.

It sounds like I've been having a similar experience to the PP ~ every day, as I build confidence, I fall more and more in love with this kid. I think it helps now that I feel better physically and can take her out & about and really establish a camaraderie (for lack of a better word) with her. It will also really help when we move back home in a few more months and are surrounded by extended family. For me, that heightens the joy.

Thanks for this thread. It makes me feel more "normal."

 

[USAmma]

I had two births that were similar in many ways. Both were good births, both were magical.

With dd1 it was because we had waited so long to meet her that when she came out and made eye contact, that was the most incredible feeing I've ever had. The actual birth was so-so.

The second birth was magical. It was at the hospital with epidural just like the first one. I sometimes wish I had tried natural, but at the time I was scared of feeling pain and having a lot of bad memories invade my special time of giving birth. I surrounded myself with two close friends, a doula, and my dh. I even meditated through part of it while they took a walk and left me alone. My wishes were respected and I got to pull her out myself and onto my chest. It was really a great birth. It was the culmination of a lot of struggles I've had in my life, and it was a real blessing to be at that point where I was surrounded by good friends and my partner, and welcoming a new life into the world. You can see parts of it below by clicking on Nitara's photo montage link.

 

[mother culture]

I have a very high spiritual experience with my 3rd birth. I was outside most of my labour and in water under the moonlight and in the setting of my garden which was in bloom. I was experiencing hightened feelings of sensuality. Whenever my man would hold me his smell was so exotic and helped me melt. It gave me a new awareness about my body and I call on it now, 2 years later. So It was spiritual for me, but I had to create that( plant a garden, birth in nature, let go of all fears surrounding birth and light candles) I think if the pain is so intense or you are not comfortable or ar scared then some of the magical feelings that you can experience in labour are just glimpses.
So I think if you did not create or cultivate a "magical " experience for you birth then those glimpses are harder to remmember because there are no points of reference. Labour can be about birthing yourself and noticing another you surfacing. I bet if you thought about your birth in a meditative way you would be able to catch a glimps of feelings that were magical!

 

[laohaire]

I thought your birth sounded terrific, not magical, true, but really like "Wow, birth is so normal and wonderful and part of life - not separated from it."

I saw some videos of birth before I had the experience, and every time I saw a baby get born I got tears in my eyes and would think "Jeez, I can't believe that mama isn't bawling with joy, here I am all teared up and I don't even know them or anything!" I thought there was no way I would go through birth without crying with absolute joy. I even saw a video of a friend's birth, and her DH got very clearly emotional right at the moment of birth, though she didn't. I didn't know what to make of that exactly.

Well, I ended up not crying and if you had videotaped me at the moment of birth I bet I would have looked just like my friend: you probably couldn't see anything on my face at all. I "did" feel empowered, though, I must admit (not at the moment of birth exactly, but after). Went to the ER after to get stitched up and I could have probably done a dance around all the hospital staff if they didn't make me sit in the wheelchair.

Anyway, enough about me, I think that "normal" is really, really, really nice and "magical" isn't at all required to make it a satisfying, wonderful, terrific birth.

 

[AngelaB]

My last birth was fun! Was it magical? Yeah at the end when I caught Milo myself!
My husband and I spent the day together alone for the first time in years. We went out to eat, stayed at a hotel, walked around in beautiful parks and had a baby at the end of the trip! I love my MW and her assistant and it was hard work but even when it was happening and the pain was intense I still was having a good time.

I was tapping into parts of myself that I dont see everyday and I liked myself immensely for what I was doing and how strong I was. I know dh had huge respect for me that was renewed. Those feelings get lost in the day to day life. We also ate the most delectible sub sandwich sitting on the bed at the birth center chatting with our doll of a nurse and holding our new boy. It was really the best sandwich of my life!!! Funny the things that stick out in my mind. And oh yeah, me walking around gage park tweeking my nipples and dh sleeping on the grass!
~Angela~

 

[newtonscricket]

Angela, I love the sub sandwich! What I eat after birthing is so important to me, I've written it into my birth plan each time! ( Fried chicken first three times, chicken tikka masala this last time)

My four births have all been great, and I was able to birth them all unmedicated and they matched my expectations, but I wouldn't say they were "magical" or "spiritual" or "mystical". I'm not a woo woo New Agey kind of person so it would be surprising if I had those kind of feelings.

However, I will say, probably the times right after births have been my most euphoric moments ever. I'm sure the feeling is mostly hormonal, but strangely I feel like those times are so great because I feel a total lack of responsibility, which is ridiculous, I've just brought a helpless baby into my life! But maybe it's because I know all MY needs will be met by my husband, my mom and the midwives and all I have to do is nurse and snuggle the baby. Maybe it's that it's the time in my life when there is the most perfect match between what I am "supposed" to do and what I want to do.

Odd, I never thought it out like that.

 

[MummaMel]

It's great reading all of these responses. I'd love to hear more!