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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband is feeling a little down lately and is saying things like:<br><br>
"Maybe I am not ready to be a father"<br>
"I dont think I am being a good enough father"<br>
"I just feel so disconnected lately like Im not a part of the family"<br><br>
I think that he just needs to bond with the baby a little more. Do you know of any ways that he can start to feel more connected with Harvest?
 

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diaper changes, bathes, cuddles. basically all the same stuff you do. (well, except nurse <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> )<br><br>
and be sure to remind him he is doing a great job. (dont we all like to hear that from time to time?)<br><br>
and most important, let him bond in his own ways. even if he isnt changing diapers the way you do, its still okay. KWIM?<br><br>
Congrats on the new babe!
 

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Let him take over bath time. He can have fun splashing in the water with the baby. Tell him to give it some time. DH felt the same way with our first. As she grew and played more, she learned that daddy is lots of fun! The same happened with the next two babies. Our fourth is now 3 1/2 months and dh is waiting for him to get a little bigger and want to play. DS likes hearing stories read, so dh has been rocking him and reading stories lately.
 

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When our dd was an infant, my dh would take his shirt off and hold her on his chest for skin to skin contact.
 

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My dh did that too. At nite, I'd feed her and he'd put her back to sleep - on his naked chest. Very beautiful. He misses it sooo much now.
 

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My husband pulled that exact same thing with me. It honestly made me mad because I felt like he was insinuating that she was my special project. This was at a time when I was feeling a little low myself, I should add. So the next weekend, he was on all baby duty that did not involve boobs. I also had him wear her for all our walks. We'd just go do something dumb like get a coffee, and she'd snuggle up and sleep on him, and he'd get all the attention from strangers for wearing her. And he started rocking her to sleep instead of me always nursing her to sleep. We bought a used glider rocker to make this more comfortable. He took her to the store alone a few times. I think that really helped his confidence, having her alone in the car and surviving. Now he doesn't get much awake time with her during the week, but when he does get home, she squeals and just about has a seizure as soon as she sees him. He plays with her while I cook, we eat together, he does jammies and change and what have you. The more interactive they get, the more pay off for dads, I think.
 

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This is what we always do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I bathe with the babies and when we're done, DH takes over. He dries them, massages them, dresses them, and plays with them while I take a nice bath or shower. Everyone wins!<br><br>
He also started very early on going for little walks. I would nurse the baby and go back to sleep <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and he would put the baby in the sling or backpack and go out walking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Shenjall</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6490328"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">diaper changes, bathes, cuddles. basically all the same stuff you do. (well, except nurse <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> )<br><br>
and be sure to remind him he is doing a great job. (dont we all like to hear that from time to time?)<br><br>
and most important, let him bond in his own ways. even if he isnt changing diapers the way you do, its still okay. KWIM?<br><br>
Congrats on the new babe!</div>
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He does all of these things. I dont know...
 

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If he's already doing all these things, maybe he's just feeling down and needs some encouragement? Some confidence? Reassurement that he *is* doing a great job?
 

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When ds was little, dh would wear him on some of our coffee walks, and as he got bigger he always wore him. Ds would usually fall asleep on him and now sometimes dh will walk ds to sleep for naps or nighttime. It does get easier and probably more fun for dads when the babe is older and more interactive. Bathtime and diaper changes work well too! Really, any time spent together holding and touching is good bonding and will pay off in a short while. Mary
 

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There is an awesome book called "The Expectant Father", and the following book for dads of newborns called "The New Father". They are both written by a very loving and tender dad. He writes everything from the dad's perspective, which is really good. He talks about how lots of dads feel the way yours does. Left out.<br><br>
I am sure that everyone will have great suggestions. With my husband, he was the burper. When my daughter was done eating, I handed her to him. I took lots of pictures of him burping her, and they are very sweet. He also took her for short walks. Just the two of them would go out for a while. It might seem strange, but doing her laundry helped him too.<br><br>
Tell your husband that he is not alone in the way he feels, and that it is a big adjustment for all dads.<br><br>
Good luck to you!
 

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Good advice, WireWendy. I love that your dh was the "burper". It was <i>his</i> thing, right? Which or course, would boost his confidence.<br><br>
Hang in there, VermontGirl, we'll help you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I'm into making carriers, and since DH was only using the Bjorn<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">, but didn't like how uncomfortable it was, I set out to make a carrier he liked so he could wear Yonah. The mei tai was the solution and now he wears him all over the place.<br><br>
We make evening time DH's time with Yonah. I feel kind of weird about it myself because DH does everything in the evening while i do all my self care stuff i.e. computer, sewing, showering etc etc and getting some chores done.<br>
DH does all the diapering, wearing, and even the evening feed (yonah oddly won't nurse from me in the evenings ever since he was born, but gets very hungry and upset..I express for this feed) I personally feel weird about it since it feels slightly detached compared to our days but DH loves it.
 

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When we had our boys, my dh had never even held a baby! It took him a while to get comfortable, but eventually he started to hold them and rock in the chair or nap with them on his chest. I knew he enjoyed that, but I didn't realize how much until he recently, out of the blue, told me how much he was looking forward to doing the same with this baby. As the boys got older he took over the bedtime routine and it's still special for them all.
 

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For dh, it was bathing. It was his responsibility. Baby tubs don't work for us, so dh would get in the shower with her. She loved it. He loved it. It was something I couldn't do (I don't have the coordination to hold a wet slippery baby in the shower) so it gave him some pride.
 

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i second the bathing thing. i plan on having my DH take sign language lessons with the baby and a massage class. it will come. it is surely different for him because he is not lactating.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>annettemarie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6490466"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This is what we always do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I bathe with the babies and when we're done, DH takes over. He dries them, massages them, dresses them, and plays with them while I take a nice bath or shower. Everyone wins!<br></div>
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I just started doing this and it makes all of our lives better. I was having such a hard time getting clean because ds doesn't really have patience with bathtime, and I really like to take scalding hot showers, so bathing was becoming a drag for me. Now, like you said, everybody wins!<br><br>
I'm also finding it harder and harder to get ds to go to sleep with me, but he goes really quick with dh. Nursing to sleep only sometimes works for us, and otherwise we have to get up and walk around or dance to music.<br><br>
Also, it seems a little silly, but I find if I really compliment dh every time he does something with the baby, he feels good about himself as a dad. He's kind of like a little kid -- needs to hear encouraging words. Even if it's something I do all the time to no fanfare, like changing diapers.
 

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My dd and dh are very attached to each other. I am a SAHM currently, so I am with dd all day. Dh does her bath in the evening, and he wears her when we go for our family walk. He is also the one who brushes her teeth before bed. He puts her to bed. A man can do anything a woman can do, short of breastfeeding. There are many other ways to comfort a baby other than the breast. So let him try to comfort your baby. Since I spend so much time with her during the day, he gets to do the "fun" stuff. Its been like this since she was born. She is now 12.5 months old.
 

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Dh would shower with ds as a nb. He also would cuddle with him while I napped. There's also a daddy and baby sing time in our area that they used to go to on Sunday.<br><br>
Dawn
 

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DH and DD bond at 5 AM while DH gets ready for work so that I can sleep for another hour or so. DD really looks forward to it.<br><br>
We also alternate bath time.<br><br>
And everynight for an hour or so we all get on the livingroom floor and play together.<br><br>
Maybe your DH could find something special that just he can do with your DC?
 
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