[Celtain]

I think that is pretty easy to understand. We are broke. Hon, we haven't paid the mortgage in almost 4 months, we are broke. The cable got shut off and we now have a huge bill to pay before we can get even the most basic cable. We are broke. The car insurance is going to get cancled, again. We are broke.

So, dh, if you could please stop buying pot and beer.

I feel guilty going to the grocery store. I'm sick of being the only one that has anything to do with the bills. Why won't you open the mail, like I asked. The bills are in your name too but you choose to not even look at them. I asked you to erase the messages off the answering maching over a week ago but you still haven't done it. I guess you KNOW that the majority of the messages are from lawyers or collection agencies and you just don't want to hear it.

I understad that you work hard all week. But guess what, that isn't cutting it. Maybe you could do some side work or heaven forbid, work a saturday. The bills are a little more important than you rearranging your crap in the garage.

Stop attacking me for going to college and not doing anything with my degree. I would need to get a bachelors degree to be able to use it and I went to school on a pell grant I actually GOT PAID to go to school.

And WHY would you think "gee, we aren't making it on 70% of my paycheck, so I will make my helper my partner so then I will only get 50% of the money, then I will hire the partner's brother and pay him too. But I won't consult my wife about any of this because it doesn't concern her, it is my business."

so yes hon, we are broke, so do you think you could put a little more effort in.

:

 

[HelloKitty]

I have nothing witty or constructive to say but want to send a hug

 

[Storm Bride]

I wish I had something to say, aside from btdt. My ex and I weren't completely broke, because I worked full-time and paid the bills. But, he also had nothing to do with dealing with any of it. He actually cost us money, because we had to pay for child care while he worked, then he blew his money on cigarettes, coffee and lots of pot. In 1994, he grossed $14,000.00 for the year...his pot bill alone (behind my back) was over $5,000.00. When you figure his taxes, his cigarettes (at about $400/month - almost another $5,000.00) and child care, you can see that we'd have actually been better off if he'd stayed home and I'd controlled all the money.

I have no suggestions, as I ended up leaving my ex, and I'd never advocate that to someone without knowing the whole story. (I must admit your case sounds like a likely candidate, though.

)

Anyway...just wanted to let you know that you're not alone...it's a hell of a situation. I hope you find some kind of solution.

 

[Celtain]

I can't leave. I would be even worse off financially, yes that is possible. But I am in school, hopefully that will bring more money.

Then I'll be able to take care of my children and he can go on his selfish way.

 

[AngelBee]

I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by embens I can't leave. I would be even worse off financially, yes that is possible. But I am in school, hopefully that will bring more money. Then I'll be able to take care of my children and he can go on his selfish way.

Best of luck!

I don't know what your financial situation is, but if it applies, I'd suggest opening a bank account in your own name, even if you can only slip a few dollars a month into it. It's good to have a bit of a cushion...even if it's only bus fare to somewhere else!

Also, if you don't have one, see if you can get a credit card. Keep the limit low, and try to charge one item a month, then pay it off immediately. That will start to establish a credit rating for you.

I don't know if either of those apply to you, but I thought I'd throw them out there, just in case.

 

[Starr]

I second getting an account in your name only. Sorry you are having to go through this, hope everything works out all right.

 

[Celtain]

yeah, already destroyed my credit trying to stay a float for the last 2 years.

and the bank account thing I have a hard time putting money away when the mortgage isn't paid.

Just kind of kicking myself in the butt for marrying one of the most self centered people on the planet.

 

[akmbloom]

I don't have any advice since I am in a similar place financially... just wanted to give you some support. It's one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.

 

[cappuccinosmom]

My only thought is to see if you get the Dave Ramsey radio show in your area. That man knows broke. And he knows how to get out of it.

 

[allgirls]

first of all hugs...

second of all...sell the house before the mortgage company takes it and yo get nothing....you probably have enough money in the house to pay off your debt and then get a cheaper house or an apt.

Once that is done you get a bank account and take control of the money or you get your own place and do it on your own.
Get help from financial counsellors if he won't go along with it.

Good luck

more

 

[eightyferrettoes]

Only thing about selling the house is that if their credit rating is in the toilet, they may be unable to get another mortgage, or a lease, for that matter.

I second the financial counseling. And DRAG your husband, if you have to. The thought of losing the roof over his head, one would think, would be a huge wake up call.

 

[DesireeH]

I agree that I would also suggest selling the house before it gets taken away so you at least get the equity. Pay off the debt and keep the rest and find a place to rent if possible.

Can you set up some type of direct deposit to your bank account (of his paycheck) so that he doesnt cash it and you can online bill pay your bills first?

I'm sorry you are going through this mama, I would be very angry!

 

[Linda in OZ]

Gonna throw a spanner in the works here! Don't sell your home if you can in some way keep it. Go without other things before you go without your home. By selling you would spend a chunk paying off debts, but it wouldn't be long before the rest was spent and then you are left with nothing. My H is a shocker with money, over the last 12 months I have come to know the local sheriff on a first name basis he is here over unpaid bills that often. So I do know where you are coming from. I would definitely talk with a financial councellor or advisor about your options. But in order to get your debts paid you need to learn how to manage your finances kwim? Otherwise it is just a loop you can't get out of. Sorry if I sound scrambled it is late here and shoulda been in bed long time ago.
I really hope it all works out for you